[blparent] Update Since I surrendered my parental right five weeks ago.

[Pipi]

Jess,
Your story has brought tears to my eyes. I wish that all parents loved 
their children as much as you do your daughter. You are a very brave 
woman and I truly admire you for where you are today. I'm so happy that 
you will be able to be in your daughter's life as she grows up. She is 
one very special little girl having so many people who love her.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Pipi
On 5/29/2013 9:12 PM, Jess Trask wrote:
>   *There is my story on what it was like to deal with DCYF in the state of
> New Hampshire. I know I would have overcome my problems that I had.  But,
> I've  realized that it was mostly my daughter's fathter who had more
> problems tahat h hasn't dealing with.*
> **
> *Firstly, before I start telling my story about working with DCYF Claremont
> which serves Charlestown, Claremont, Newport and surrounding areas. I would
> like to take a few minutes to introduce myself and my daughter
> Ashlee/Ellie. My name is Jessica Trask. During and after my pregnancy I was
> working with Kate Derosier she is one of the Social Worker at Valley
> Regional Hospital and I was also working with Good Beginnings of Sullivan
> County as well. Good Beginnings will mentioned again later on in my story.
> After a healthy pregnancy and sixteen hours labor and an awesome delivery I
> was blessed to have had a beautiful little baby in the early morning of
> October 16, 2011.*
>
>
>   * Now, I'm going to start sharing my story about my experience working
> with in Claremont in hopes that I would get soul cuon in the story. The
> first initial report of concern was made to DCYF by my credited nurse
> midwife who made that report. I believe that the first visit I had on of
> the DCYF intake workers Mary Beth and one of her other co-workers on
> Tuesday of the week and I believe it was so they could make sure that I
> understood what has happening meaning why they were getting involved with
> me and Ashlee/Ellie. I've known since beginning that there a good chance
> that I wouldn't get Ashlee/Ellie Ellie back.*
>
>
>   * The on Wednesday October 19th 2011 I was getting ready to leave Valley
> Regional Hospital Ashlee/Ellie and go home. Ashlee//Ellie was put in to
> foster care on Wednesday October 19th. She put into fester care at four
> days old and she will be two years old in October. I did get the meet the
> foster/adoptive family Wendy Peter and their biological daughter Caliegh
> Plunkett. I'm surprised that the emergency placement was made so quick in
> the hospital. But, I know understand that how it works.*
>
>
>   * That Wednesday night I stayed with Ashlee/Ellie's Dad sister Tracy and
> her husband Shon also Ashlee/Ellie's aunt and uncle. The next day was
> Thursday October 20th 2011 when I had a meeting with Mary Beth and CPSW
> Mary Devlin to start working on the reunification which the or goal
> originally with adoption being the concurrent goal. My daughter's name is
> Ashlee, but I and the foster soon be adoptive family call her Ellie because
> we all her the way Ashlee's says her name every time hear someone else say
> it. *
>
>
>   * The first few meetings I had with CPSW Devlin were to go over my case
> plan so I could get Ashlee/Ellie back in my custody full time. There are
> some examples of what I had to do so that I could get Ashlee/Ellie back so
> there are those examples going to counseling, which for counseling has been
> very helpful for me to have someone to talk with a professional capacity,
> working with the New Hampshire Association for the Blind because I'm
> legally blind/ visually impaired do to Albinism. I had also been working
> with Good Beginnings of Sullivan County once it was confirmed by urine test
> by my midwife who then made a refereed to Good Beginnings where I started
> working with their Registered Nurse Karen Jameson and Pamela Doling doesn't
> work there anymore. In addition to Pam there was three other parent
> educators that I were with they were Shawn, Danna Bare and Beth Lemieux .
> During the I was pregnancy I was seeing these woman once a week so that
> could educate me on how Ashlee/Ellie was developing. Karen had been the
> only one I had worked with the whole time until I surrendered my parental
> rights. Once I had Ashlee/Ellie they all started educating me on how to
> care of her and make sure she was safe. The first encounter I had with this
> was the next day when Karen came in to teach me who to Breast feed
> Ashlee/Ellie. Karen is also a credited lactation consultant as well which
> means she helps teach woman whom are having troubles getting their newborn
> to Breast feed. It wasn't until much later until through talking to the
> Physical Therapist that I was working with through Pathways which handles
> the early intervention program that I had set up for Ashlee/Ellie it was
> because of her Hypotonia or low muscle tone that she was having problems
> breast feeding. She qualified for early intervention services through
> Pathways for the Hypotonia, fine and Gross motor skills and speech delays.
> I'm very to proud to say that she just had her six month review a few weeks
> ago and the only the only thing she's still getting services for is the
> Hypotonia. In the beginning Ashlee/Ellie was also being followed by Jan
> Haley who works for the MICE program at the New Hampshire Association for
> the blind because she had what is know as delayed visual maturation which
> concerned me because it's fairly common for people with Albinism to have
> Delayed visual maturation So while I was pregnant I consulted with a
> Genetic Counselor Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center in Hanover New
> Hampshire and I was told that it was very unlikely that Ashlee/Ellie would
> have Albinism. Then, When,Ashlee/Ellie was about nine months or so I had an
> appointment with a Pediatric Ophthalmologist at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical
> Center in Hanover New Hampshire that Ashlee/Ellie's vision would be okay
> and it came back that it was fine. *
>
>
>   * In the beginning the first three or four visits that we had were at a
> mixture of the foster/adoptive family's over in Charlestown and also at the
> local DCYF office because it took a bit to get everything settled with Good
> Beginnings get their scheduled worked out. Once the scheduling was figured
> out then we started to visit at our residence. The visits were at our
> residence for about five or six months. Up until that point we were doing
> well in fact so well that I was awarded extra day for myself that I could
> get used to being the only one taking care of Ashlee/Ellie. At one point we
> had three Good Beginnings working with us because I had been granted the
> extra day by the court which was Wednesdays and also they were thinking
> about starting to add unsupervised visit time up until he decided to get
> pissed off at on of the Good Beginnings workers which made the worker feel
> unsafe in the home and the worker felt so unsafe that the worker decided to
> call call CPSW Devlin. In turn CPSW Devlin called her supervisor and the
> Claremont PD and the foster family because the visit had to end early
> because of what Ashlee/Ellie father had done. I didn't fully know what was
> happening because I was napping with Ashlee/Ellie in the recliner.
> Needlessly to say when I woke up with Ashlee/Ellie and found out that I had
> to get Ashlee/Ellie ready to go because the visit was ending early because
> of what had happened when I was asleep with Ashlee/Ellie. And, he called me
> to go back home So from about April of May of 2012 until April 18th 2013
> when I had my last supervised visit at Good Beginnings was before I
> surrendered parental rights and Ashlee/Ellie's dad had separated the visit
> were all at Good Beginnings. I worked with Good Beginnings for twenty-two
> and half months. *
>
>
>   * I've been in counseling for almost a year now. My first diagnosis was
> Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety and mixed depressed moods. Them on March 15
> th 2013 I was also diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It all
> start with Postpartum Depression right after I had my beautiful little baby
> girl Ashlee/Ellie. I was also dealing Ashlee/Ellie father's unwillingness
> to work with both DCYF and Good Beginnings to the point where he would be
> constantly threaten CPSW Devlin Karen and Beth from Good Beginnings and the
> foster/adoptive family including threatening to flatten the tires on CPSW
> Devlin car tires several time and I believe he also threaten to CPSW Devlin
> as well. Also, he threaten to go to Charlestown and kidnap Ashlee/Ellie
> from the foster/adoptive several times and I'm sure he's still doing it to
> this day. It always felt like I was always apologizing for how he was
> acting because things weren't moving as fast as he thought they should have
> been Because I always felt embarrassed of what he says or does or sometimes
> what he doesn't do. I do now believe that he's been in denial the whole
> time that the both of us were dealing with DCYF. I've learned that
> Ashlee/Ellie father and I have dealt with this situation in differently. He
> very rarely talks to anyone about it. Where I was always talking about it
> because I found if I didn't talk about it I felt that I would go crazy.
> Ashlee/Ellie father didn't like the fact that I was being extremely
> cooperative with DCYF. In fact, from our last court date that he and I had
> together in December of 2012 I was the only one of us willing to work with
> CPSW Devlin until I ended my case with them at the end of April. Which
> meant while Ashlee/Ellie father and I were still together I had to keep any
> meetings or phone calls that I was having with CPSW Devlin and Becky form
> Turning Points Network secret. Which made a tremendously stressful for me
> because it was adding more stress to an already stressful situation. Which
> I now know that Ashlee/Ellie father's way of dealing with it is that he had
> majorly increased his drinking which I now know was a major part of why we
> were arguing so much when we were still together. The other reason that we
> were arguing so much is because he wouldn't help clean the house when after
> I would try and explain to him because if my visual impairment that it
> takes me longer to do something as simple was doing the dishes because I
> have to use my sense of touch to do if I can't see something on the plate.
> Which he didn't understand how difficult it would be. Adding to that
> Ashlee/Ellie father and I always had a chance of getting Ashlee/Ellie back
> between the court hearings. Which I would have had to figure out how I
> would do all the things I needed to do including take care of Ashlee/Ellie
> which made it more difficult because Ashlee/Ellie is exceptionally clingy
> to me the foster family especially. I've noticed this to be the case
> especially with me and the foster mom. I was also noticing especially
> during the fifteen minute transition time between me leaving and
> Ashlee/Ellie father showing up for his visit. *
>
>
>   * I've been truly blessed that Ashlee/Ellie has been with the same foster
> family for just about two years now. It was a good for an emergency
> placement made at the hospital. *
>
>
>   * Wendy and Pete Plunkett of Charlestown Foster/Adoptive parents for my
> daughter who they call Ellie This why I'm writing this for Ashlee/Ellie
> because Ashlee is the legal name me and her father choose for Ashlee/Ellie.
> Once she adopted her name will be Changed to Ellie. They also have a
> biological daughter named Caliegh. Who I believe will make an awesome older
> sister. For me Wendy and Pete have been a great support and encouragement
> and resource for me while I was dealing with the situation with DCYF and
> Ashlee/Ellie father because it was hard for me because we all week that he
> wasn't understanding what was really happening. I and Ashlee/Ellie
> foster/adoptive mom have a great relationship which is a very unique
> situation because when I surrendered my parental rights Wendy and Pete both
> sat behind me in court the last time. That was the first time Wendy's
> husband Pete came to court for the first time for the surrender hearing. *
>
>
>   * Please try if you are a single mom,dad or a couple to nurture the
> relationship with the foster family or families that have you child or
> children because they may willing to if adoption is the final outcome the
> foster family or families could choose to work it out as an open adoption
> even though DCYF doesn't do medicated adoptions anymore the foster family
> or families can make the choose if they want you to be involved with your
> child/children. Or, if you make the choice like I did to surrender your
> rights I took the time to nurture the relationship with Wendy and Pete and
> I'm still able to been involved in Ashlee/Ellie life. I've so far been able
> to see Ashlee/Ellie once we are trying to find out what other days of week
> work for me and the foster mom will be in Claremont. We have chosen for
> right now not to do Thursdays because we both decided that it could be to
> confusing for Ashlee/Ellie to see me first with Wendy and then go to see
> her father afterward at Good Beginnings with Beth Lemieux. It's almost been
> three weeks again since I've seem Ashlee/Ellie again because Ashlee/Ellie
> is changing so much. Wendy and I try to talk every few days or so. That way
> I can stay update with how Ashlee/Ellie is doing. *
>
>
>   * I'm a victim and survivor of both Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault.
> Now that I know the first sign of domestic violence with Ashlee/Ellie
> father was when broke a laptop that Ashlee/Ellie's Maternal grandfather
> gave me. Then, in March 2012 Ashlee/Ellie father decided to throw his house
> keys at me and they hit me. I now wish that I had taken the situations a
> lot more seriously. During, this time he was also being emotionally abusive
> to me as well. He would me a bitch, stupid, dumb and so on. I was sexual
> assaulted by someone named Henry in Early June of 2012. Both Ashlee/Ellie's
> father and Henry were drunk so Ashlee/Ellie father didn't even try and help
> me out. In,fact it took over a month of me constantly telling Ashlee/Ellie
> father that I was sexual assaulted. In fact, I gotten out of the situation
> once at the end of July 2012 when I stayed at the Domestic Violence shelter
> because I thought I had hit rock bottom but, apparently I hadn't yet.
> Ashlee/Ellie's father and I had a court on Wednesday December, 12th 2012
> for a review hearing on the case and then we went our seperate ways he went
> to work and I believe I went home. He and I supposed to have meet at Silver
> Fern for free Chili that night and go out to Karaoke like he and I always
> done. He and I four awesome visits including the Christmas Eve he and I had
> which was the last one he and I had together as a couple. The Thursday
> visit for December, 27th was canceled because of the snowstorm that
> happened. He would always blame me whenever a visit was canceled because he
> thought that I could control weather or the foster/adoptive family was on
> vacation or if Ashlee/Ellie, or any of the members of the foster family
> were sick. So, I and one of my other friends went to visit another couple
> that we were friends with. And, he called me because he wanted me to come
> home and do some cleaning which was kind of hard to do because at the time
> the kitchen faucet was broken because he had gotten pissed of when we ran
> out of propane for the hot water. I also just happened to be talking to
> CPSW Devlin on the phone when I was walking up there. Ashlee/Ellie father
> slapped me across the right side of the face. Which he apologized to me
> for. And, he said that he still loved me,which kind of surprised me and it
> still does to this day because at that time we had ended our relationship.
> He and I were just trying to be friends for Ashlee/Ellie sake. So, he and I
> had good couple of hours together. But, I had put a call into Becky at
> Turning Points Network and left her a message and she called me back and I
> left Stepping Stone to meet her and he called me five times during the time
> I was meeting with Becky at Turning Points Network and she recommended that
> I fill out a restraining order against him so then by her urging I went and
> stayed at my Friends Fran and Craig's apartment where he decided to make
> the wrong decision to show up at their place and he asked to leave several
> times between Fran and I so when he could comply with our requests I had to
> call the police they had to tell him ten times to leave and he didn't leave
> comply with their requests either. So he ended up getting a domestic
> violence charge and a resisting arrest charge as well. As part of the bail
> condition he had a no contact order in it which he violated by trying to
> contact me after he got out of jail aftter getting arrested for the
> domestic violence and the resisting arrest charge that he has. He's just
> recently violated the restraining order three times now in the last two
> weeks by walking by where I'm living.*
>
>
>   * The decision in surrendering your parental rights is something that
> needs to be taken very seriously. Because if you don't it won't work. Also
> surrendering your parental rights is a very individual choice. These are
> the reason why I chose to surrender my parental rights to my daughter
> Ashlee/Ellie and here they are. From the age of 11-18 I grow up as child of
> a single mom and I know how hard it was for my mom to raise two preteens
> girls and I didn't want that for Ashlee/Ellie. I also don't want to rely on
> DHHS for financial support for me and Ashlee/Ellie. I would also be
> concerned that maybe all the developmental milestones Ashlee/Ellie has made
> being in the foster/adoptive family's care wouldn't have been with the
> descent progress with Ashlee/Ellie's therapies that she is doing through
> Pathways if I had Ashlee/Ellie in my custody full time. And, the major
> reason why I surrendered my parental rights is because I love Ashlee/Ellie
> with all my heart and soul and I know that she's in a very safe loving
> environment with The Plunkett Family.*
>
>
>
>   * I've had to pleasure of being matched up with a parent advocate Rachael
> Shaw Evans who has also been involved with DCYF now thirteen years ago for
> her and. This match was made possible by the Better Together with Birth
> Parents program at the Claremont district office. I'm proud to say that I'm
> now a parent leader for our better together team I attended the two day
> training just a few weeks ago now. And, I can't wait to share my experience
> with other parents dealing with the same situation that I was in. *
>
>
>   * The major thing that needs to be improved upon is the way that CPSW'S
> their supervisors assessment placement and resource workers need to be
> trained on how to deal with birth parents or foster parents with
> disabilities. I would be willing to put together a presentation on how that
> division can learn how to work with birth parents or foster parents whom
> are blind or visually impaired. *
>
> *Jess*
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