[blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not telling the truth?

[Veronica Smith]

Robert and when they came clean, did you forgive the issue or did you punish anyway?

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Robert Shelton
Sent: Friday, May 31, 2013 7:51 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not telling the truth?

First, you need to work on your skills as a human lie detector.  It's pretty easy after yu get the hang of it.  There are usually tells in the voice, fidgets, and, of course, you can always spot check.  The thing we found that was most effective was when we suspected (or knew) one of our kids wasn't telling the truth was to say "Are you sure... would you like to reconsider... is that your final answer?"  Giving them that little bit of space to correct a mistake tends to reinforce the message that lying makes the situation worse without your having to overtly say it.  

Kids often don't respond to direct messages, but they do pick up patterns of behavior, good and bad.  If you can get them to realize for themselves that honesty really is the best policy, you'll have taught one of life's most valuable lessons.  It's kind of a tough one though because the benefits of being honest are not immediately obvious.  It's one of those things that is best in the long run whereas the benefits of lying seem immediate.  From what I've heard you write over the years, I think your relationship with Sarah is such that she will get the message that you want to convey -- it just might take a little while to sink in.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto [mailto:jopinto at msn.com] 
Sent: Thursday, May 30, 2013 8:50 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not telling the truth?

My five-year-old has fallen into a bit of a bad habit of telling lies lately.  None that are too serious yet, but unfortunately her big brother, my stepson, helped her figure out that she could sneak things past me.  I told them not to take a kite to the park with them that belonged to their dad, and he waltzed right out the door with that kite under my nose when I didn’t know about it.  My daughter ratted him out when they got home, and later she told me she was uncomfortable with what he had done but that she didn’t know what to do about it at the time.  I said she could tell me anything and that she needed to let me know if her brother was doing stuff that made her uncomfortable.  Since then, she’s started testing the waters, like today she told me she had her shoes and socks on when she went outside with her friends to ride bikes.  When she came back in, her dad was home, and he scolded her for running around outside barefoot.  So I found out she really hadn’t put on her shoes and socks.  I’m afraid she’s going to scrape her toes or step on something and cut her foot.  I said that since I couldn’t trust her to tell me the truth, I’d have to check her feet with my hands before I let her go outside anymore so I knew she would be safe.  But it got me to wondering how some of you other blind parents have handled the issue since I don’t want her thinking she can pull stuff over on me.  Thanks.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.


_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at host.nfbnet.org
http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for blparent:
http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/madison_tewe%40spinn.net