[blparent] blindparent RE3 kids being SNEAKY

[sheila]

hi, both my parents have passed away now, I'm not sure that I miss their 
over protectiveness but I wish they could have seen Mark grow up and 
know what a fine man he now is.
On 1/7/2014 4:48 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
> I can see where it would be hard to have your parents send those mixed 
> messages.  But in a way they just care.  My parents are no longer in 
> my life, whish is probably best, but in a way I miss that fatherly 
> overprotectiveness.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you 
> may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and 
> full at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message----- From: Jennifer Stewart Jackson
> Sent: Tuesday, January 07, 2014 3:41 PM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blindparent RE3 kids being SNEAKY
>
>
> Dawn, one of the best things about this list is that we do all understand
> about the mixed messages we so often receive from the sighted world about
> our blindness, both as it relates to the world in general and to our
> parenting.
>
> Jennifer
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of dawn
> stumpner
> Sent: Tuesday, January 07, 2014 4:37 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blparent] blindparent RE3 kids being SNEAKY
>
> Hi, Jo Elizabeth and Everyone,
>
>     Yes, there have been a few times that my sons throughout the years 
> have
> used the fact that I couldn't see to try to get away with small 
> things, for
> example, trying to leave the house with their hair a mess or high water
> pants on their way to school or pushing a bunch of stuff under the bed 
> when
> cleaning their rooms thinking that I wouldn't check.  Most of the time, I
> figure out what they are doing, and we've talked about how sneaking, 
> whether
> it be getting around my lack of vision or sneaking in any other way, is a
> form of dishonesty, is hurtful, and lessens trust.  I think this 
> message has
> gotten through, and the kids don't do any more sneaking than I've 
> heard of
> my sighted peers talking about their kids doing or remember my 
> brother, my
> cousins, and me doing with our parents.  I feel I've done a good job over
> all in imparting the lessons I would like my kids to carry through 
> life with
> them.  They are loving, curious about the world around them, generous, 
> and
> for the most part cooperative and able to put themselves in other 
> people's
> shoes.
>    What bothers me sometimes is my dad's reaction to my lack of 
> sight.  On
> the one hand, he was very supportive of me as I grew up, including 
> letting
> me do things like travel overseas that he wasn't always comfortable with.
> On the other hand, perhaps because he is of an older generation, I'm a
> woman, I'm divorced, and I'm blind, he sometimes acts more like the 
> primary
> parent when he visits than just a grandpa.  I have mentioned to him 
> that he
> yells at my kids for things that he doesn't yell at my brother's 
> daughters
> for, and he responds  that my nieces have two sighted parents, and 
> that he
> feels like he has to correct my boys because I can't always see what 
> they do
> and my husband isn't there now and wasn't on top of things before the
> divorce.  Each thing that the boys don't do thoroughly, such as leaving
> their dishes on the table, needing to be told to clean their rooms 
> again and
> again, or having to be told to shovel the driveway more thoroughly 
> seems to
> him to be because I can't see what kind of a job they have done. My 
> sighted
> friends deal with the same issues as me needing to tell their kids to 
> do a
> job twice because it wasn't done well the first time, etc., but 
> although he
> says that I do a good job and can do things as well as other people, 
> other
> things he says make me feel like what I'm doing isn't enough and is 
> somehow
> inferior to what I would be able to do if I could see and that the kids
> would not try to get away with anything if I could see.
>     Sorry for the long message.  Your email just made me think of some of
> these related issues for me, and it's hard for me to be concise about 
> them.
> Have any of you ever had difficulty with family members or friends 
> thinking
> that what you do is either amazing when it's just ordinary or that any
> difficulties you have are because of lack of sight and that they need 
> to be
> there to make sure everything turns out okay?
>
> Dawn
>
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