[blparent] New Member

Mon Mar 3 04:25:14 UTC 2014

Joe Elizabeth is right, share the details. :) Congratulations!

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Star Gazer
Sent: Sunday, March 02, 2014 4:45 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] New Member

Hi Mikala. 
Welcome to the list. We just had our second baby a couple weeks ago. 
My best advice to you is to do well in school. An education will always
serve you well. 

If having children is what you want, treat it like any other goal. Date men
who want the same thing. Be careful of guys who "aren't sure" and I'd go so
far as to avoid them given that you are so young and on this list. 
Also, be very wary of guys who say they want an "equal marriage". You
deserve to be treated well. Relationships are not equal though. My husband
isn't as comfortable with a baby or a sick kid, or a stressed out kid as I
am. He is very good at taking care of me though. I'm home with our kids, so
I do the bulk of the childcare. We've found it much easier on everybody if
he gets a good night sleep and I take care of the baby. This isn't really
fair, but it works for us. When our older kid was very worried about the
start of school last year, I dealt with most of that, mostly because it
involved her getting up at night wanting a snack and then wanting to talk. 
You also want to date men that share your value system. If you want your
kids in private school, you don't want to be married to someone who feels
differently. Likewise if you believe that the family dog goes to heaven, you
don't want to be married to a guy that thinks only people go to the Pearly
Gates. 
Look for someone who shares your views on money, and especially on renting
v. owning a home. This will become a huge issue once you have children for
all kinds of tangible and intangible reasons. 
I'm leaving out the "how to take care of a child" stuff because it's easy,
and because each kid and phase is different. What works for one child and
family may not work for a sibling or for a different family. 
Realize that once you have a kid with someone, that person is in your life
and your child's life forever. You'd do well to learn the legal ins and outs
of marriage and of having a child with someone. Know your rights, and know
the rights of the fellow parent.  I've thought for years that high schools
would do well to teach a class on marriage and parenting, not the touchy
feely aspect of it, but "This is what the law says" and "This is what a
judge will and won't care about should the romantic relationship end". Tied
into such a course, learn about personal fiancé. Learn the impact that a
spouse will have on personal and family fiance.  I am amazed at how many
people think "my idiot of a husband overspent this month, so now he needs to
fix it, with *his* money". It doesn't work that way. Learn about how
property and money are handled if one of you dies, even if you are "thinking
about divorce". Until the decree is handed down, it doesn't matter how much
you hate the bastard, he's still your husband. 

Also, learn about how medical issues are handled in a marriage. Ideally you
should have transparency into a spouse's medical issues. Legally, you aren't
entitled to this. So if that moody poet you married becomes withdrawn and
mean, you won't be able to have any insight into his treatment. You won't
even be able to make him get treatment. All you can do is suggest he get it.
This leads me to my last point, make absolutely certain you have the skills
and the means to leave a relationship if you ever need or want to. Life is
short. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't treat you well.  I
think the older generation often forgets this. They have the attitude of
"You married it, you live with it". There are all kinds of reasons for this
attitude. While you don't want to give up on a marriage too easily, you do
need to Good luck with your goals, all of them.
 know that you can always end a relationship and sometimes, you will need
to.  
You are in a good place to learn these things in a nonthreajtening
environment. Talk with other adults and really listen to what they have to
say.   You don't need or want to be afraid of marriage. You do want to know
the nature of that beast froma legal and finantial perspective. You want to
know your values so that you can find a person that fits well into your
vision for your life. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Mikayla
Gephart
Sent: Saturday, February 22, 2014 7:31 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] New Member

Hi,
	I am going into high school, and want to be a parent. My parents
started out reading Future Reflections, so I have grown up with NFB
philosophy. I am on this list to learn stratigies and resources.
Mikayla

Sent from my iPad
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