[blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

Tue Jun 2 11:59:10 UTC 2015

I love this message.

Judy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Star Gazer via blparent
Sent: Tuesday, June 2, 2015 5:43 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Cc: Star Gazer
Subject: Re: [blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

Judy has offered you some great tips.
Now to add mine.
First, when you say your husband works long hours, do you mean he isn't
providing you with any emotional support? Obviously, he needs to work, but
"working long hours" is often code for "I don't want to be with my family".
If he is working long hours, he'd better be raking in the dough to support
his lack of presence so that you can hire whatever help you need/want.
When he's home, be happy to see him, but don't be overly tolerant of his
absence. He needs to be home with you on weekends and evenings. If he isn't,
figure out why.
I say this because not having the emotional support of a spouse can suck the
life right out of you. Last weekend my husband and I were watching Mad Men,
and we happened to be watching the episode with the Moon landing. Our
youngest daughter was in bed but woke up during the episode and was crying.
I went to go get her and I told her "We can't go cry cry when we're watching
the Moon landing". If my husband hadn't been watching the episode with me
and wasn't engaged in the family, my daughter needing something would have
probably seemed like one more thing to do.
Second, do you get out of the house with your daughter? You need to do that
in whatever way is easiest for you. You need to understand that you can and
should do this. If your husband doesn't "get" this (and many men don't,
leave him with the baby and take the carseat with you, thereby removing his
ability to go out with the baby. He'll change his tune real quick.
Last, don't worry about interacting with your daughter the way a sighted
person would. There is a tabla drummer Zakir Hussain who has played with The
Grateful Dead and The Beatles. He said that he wanted to be a rock drummer
and when he met Ringo Starr of the Beatles, he told him that he wish he was
a rock drummer. Ringo told him "I have a thousand rock drummers I can call
right now, but I only have one tabla drummer and that's you".
The point, there's only one of you so just be you.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Judy Jones
via blparent
Sent: Monday, June 1, 2015 11:11 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Judy Jones
Subject: Re: [blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

Hi, Jessica,

This stage has been generally called "The Terrible 2s" for a reason.
Granted, she is not 2, but all moms, sighted or blind have their hands full.

Keep in mind that when you look at a lifetime, this stage is very short and
you will definitely get through it.  You'll find that as your child is
growing, you will be called upon constantly to problem solve, so place
yourself in the solution mode, not the problem mode.  In other words, focus
on solutions.

Remember that she is no longer the baby to care for, but is developing a
personality of her own and learning and growing, and she will continue to do
so, just know you are leaving babyhood, but is okay to feel stressed
sometimes, and know these times are going to have more fun associated with
them than stress.  Focus on enjoying her as stress free as possible, and
allow your communication with her to grow, just as she is growing.

Teeth brushing, like any habit comes with a lifetime of training, and it
won't be done perfectly for a while.  I think the biggest thing is to
introduce it, then when she is stressing, forget it until the next day, then
try again.  Introduce it bit by bit, and she will gradually come to
understand this is a daily habit.  But by that time, she will grow into a
better understanding.  With any things you are trying to train her in, once
you notice a stress level, drop it until the next day or time.  Training
comes gradually, and the most important thing is to experience as little
stress as possible.

For going out and about, we always used to use the hand holder for walking
toddlers, which is two wrist straps, one for mom and one for toddler,
connected with a coily cord, like that of a telephone cord.  This allows her
freedom to bounce, jump, and body motion, yet staying attached to you.  You
can reel her in in an area where she needs to be more closely supervised.

For non-walking, try a frame pack.  Our girls loved their packs and were
quite content to ride along.

One thing we used to do is to have the girls take our hands to show us what
they wanted.  A very common phrase was "Show me with my hand."  If they were
trying to point, and we couldn't see where, we would have them take our
finger in their fist, then we would revolve in a slow arc, and they would
pull on our arm as we zeroed in on what they were pointing at.  Of course we
did this with giggles and noises, so it was like a game, but they were able
to communicate what they saw.

Being a blind parent in an unfamiliar area takes a lot of legwork.

The whininess could be for a lot of reasons.  Maybe she is reacting to your
recent move, but if this is the case, she will settle once she feels secure.

We moved when our eldest daughter had just potty trained, but she reverted
to diapers for a while.  That was okay, though, and this phase didn't last
for long.

I get the feeling you are so stressed, you may not be relaxed enough to
really enjoy her, if I am wrong, you are welcome to correct me, but the more
relaxed you are with your mind off the problems, the more energy you can
spend tuning into her and the environment, and having fun.

Keep your mind on the big picture.  If you consider 20 years raising a
child, that is less than a third of your life.  Try to keep your mind on the
big picture, focus on the important relationship-building issues and enjoy
her.

Judy
-----Original Message-----
From: Jessica Reed via blparent
Sent: Monday, June 1, 2015 6:30 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Cc: Jessica Reed
Subject: [blparent] In Over My Head,, toddlers

Fellow blind parents,

I really don't post very often, so I probably should introduce myself a
little.  I am a 31-year-old stay-at-home mother of a 14-month-old toddler,
Lila.  My husband is sighted, but works a significant amount of time.  We
live in a bedroom community in between our nation's capital and Richmond,
Virginia.

If I am honest, I feel like I am drowning in this new stage of toddlerhood.
First, any suggestions on brushing a toddler's teeth?  I tried for the first
time last night, and it was a complete stressful disaster!  My usually
congenial child was screaming and wrestling to get out of my grasp.  Tonight
I used a regular toothbrush, not the figure kind, and a different baby tooth
paste.  It went a lot better.  There were no tears or wrestling match,
though I really doubt her teeth got clean at all.  Any specific feedback and
suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Second, how do you do it?  She is not quite walking, but practically, and
already all over the place.  In the last two weeks she has all of the sudden
become so winey, but only with me.  I have heard this is normal, since I am
her mother, but so often she is just driving me crazy!  Please don't
criticize me for that statement, I beg you.  I love my daughter more than
life itself, and to admit that makes me feel like a horrible human being.
We have recently moved into a bigger home.  Lila has a child safe play room
full of toys.  We also get out at least once a day.  I take her to play
groups, the library story time, the playground, and any where I can think
of. I have hired babysitters that come to give me a break.  Again, I feel so
horrible for feeling so frustrated and depressed as I do.

Lastly, how do you best interact with children at the walking, but preverbal
stage?  There are times where I think she is trying to communicate and I
feel like I am missing out on so much.  I can't interact with her the way
sighted folks seem to.

Thank you for reading.  I really hope any of your suggestions and past or
present stories will help me threw.  Again, I love Lila more than life
itself, but just feel. Have any of you ever felt this way?  I want the very
best for my daughter and can't help but feel like I am failing daily.

Jessica

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