[blparent] Joining a mommy and me group

Wed Oct 7 18:05:35 UTC 2015

Thanks everybody for your replies! Does anyone have advice on how to find different groups? My sister-in-law gave me to suggestions. One of them is a possibility and the other one doesn't work for me. Thanks for any advice on how to find groups!
Tara

Sent from my iPhone

> On Oct 7, 2015, at 11:51 AM, Star Gazer via blparent <blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
>            Not all moms groups are created equal. Find one you
> like or if they aren't your thing find stuff you do like, library, parks
> whatever. 
> You do need to be outgoing, find things to talk about with the other moms.
> Listen to what they have to say and contribute when you can. 
> You also need to tell people what you need and why "The sounds in this room
> make it very difficult to monitor the kids (make this plural so it doesn't
> seem like it's all about you), so if you notice anyone doing something they
> shouldn't, please let me know". You may need to say explicitly that you are
> totally blind since most people don't get that out of the box, i.e. it's
> something they need to be plainly told. 
> Tara, I wouldn't let J.E.'s story bother you. I really think J.E. you could
> have tried harder, gone to more events with that group to give them more
> time, socialized more v. sitting in a chair and waiting for people to come
> to you, and certainly trying other groups if groups were something you
> wanted. 
> As for transportation, I would argue that if you're going to a public place
> you want to be under your own power, though mostly these events last a
> couple hours. I'm not a fan of taking my girls home when they act up since
> that's in effect punishing me. What I will do is have them sit with me for a
> little bit. I learned this from our band director who couldn't send a kid
> home when we were traveling, nor could she physically take the misbehaving
> kid home herself. Her solution was to have the problem child sit with her.
> It was incredibly effective. 
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
> Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
> Sent: Tuesday, October 6, 2015 6:33 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Cc: Jo Elizabeth Pinto <jopinto at msn.com>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
> 
> I tried a Mommy and Me group, and for me, it was an absolutely miserable
> experience.  I'm not saying it will be awful for you, but there are
> definitely some things I could have done differently that might have changed
> the outcome in my situation, or at least improved the odds that things might
> have worked out better for me.  I never went back to give the group a second
> try, so I don't know if I could have educated the moms or structured the
> environment in a more accessible way or anything during future visits.
> 
> First of all, find out where the group you are interested in holds its
> meetings.  I went to a group that met in a large room at a rec center. 
> Strike one.  The moms sat around some tables that were set up in a horseshoe
> formation at one end of the room, and the kids played with toys on a rug at
> the other end.  The room echoed because of the high ceiling and the vast
> space, and I couldn't hear much of anything that went on with my child once
> she wandered away from me and went for the toys she hadn't seen before and
> the new playmates.  Plus, she kept wanting to dart outside every time the
> doors were opened.  The setup was not ideal for a blind mom, and I may have
> given the other moms the idea that I couldn't keep tabs on my child very
> well.
> 
> Then,, decide how you will get to the meetings.  I called the number on the
> Web site and chatted with the mom who ran the Mommy and Me group.  She
> seemed nice, and when she offered to pick me up on her way to the meeting, I
> accepted gladly.  It was winter, and taking the bus with a squirmy toddler
> while there was ice on the ground wasn't my idea of a good time.  The mom
> and I found plenty to chat about during the car ride to the meeting.  Having
> kids the same age seems to open up the communication channels.  But as soon
> as we got to the rec center and I was settled comfortably in a chair, the
> mom disappeared among her friends, and that was the last I saw of her. 
> Strike two.  Use your own transportation so you can leave if you want to. 
> All of the other moms in the group knew each other well.  Very well, in
> fact.  I was introduced briefly, and after that, I might as well have been
> invisible.  I was given fruit and coffee, but the moms were doing some kind
> of craft, and I wasn't asked to join in.  That was just as well because I'm
> not too good at those artsy sorts of things, but I felt more and more
> uncomfortable at the meeting as time passed.  Especially since I had a lot
> of trouble keeping an ear out for my daughter.  I figured she was doing okay
> since she wasn't fussing and she didn't seem to be starting trouble with the
> other kids, and mostly I was listening to make sure she didn't go out the
> doors when people came and went.  Now and then she brought toys to show me,
> and I heard some of the other moms commenting about that, but I felt like I
> was being watched as if I were a science specimen, and definitely not part
> of the group.  I wondered if I should somehow impose myself into the
> conversation when I heard some remark about how my daughter showed me toys,
> but I wasn't sure what to say.
> 
> Finally, the hour and a half was up--it felt more like a year and a half to
> me--and the mom who had given me a ride came back around to take me home. 
> She told me I was welcome to come along to any Mommy and Me events in the
> future, and I thanked her and said I would let her know if I was interested,
> but we both knew at that point it wasn't going to happen.
> 
> So, what I would recommend is, if you want to go, ask questions.  Find a
> group that meets in a small room.  Find a group that has outings to places
> you want to go.  The group I went to had a lot of young, upscale moms--I'm
> an older parent, for starters, and maybe not as outgoing as I should be. 
> Maybe I didn't try hard enough to break into the social group, or maybe I
> just didn't have enough in common with that particular demographic.  I could
> have searched for a different group, but the wind had been thoroughly taken
> from my sails by that point, and I never did look.  Once my daughter started
> school, I found it easier to be present in her classroom.
> 
> Jo Elizabeth
> 
> "The Bright Side of Darkness"
> is my newly published novel,
> available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Tara Briggs via blparent
> Sent: Tuesday, October 06, 2015 3:44 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Cc: Tara Briggs
> Subject: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
> 
> Hi, have any of you who are stay at home moms joined a mommy and me group? 
> My sister-in-law found a couple of groups in Utah where I live. I'm thinking
> about joining one of them. If any of you have been a part of mommy and me,
> or a playgroup for preschoolers, how did it go? Do you have any advice?
> Thanks!
> Tara
> 
> Sent from my iPhone
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