[blparent] Joining a mommy and me group

Wed Oct 7 17:51:29 UTC 2015

			Not all moms groups are created equal. Find one you
like or if they aren't your thing find stuff you do like, library, parks
whatever. 
You do need to be outgoing, find things to talk about with the other moms.
Listen to what they have to say and contribute when you can. 
You also need to tell people what you need and why "The sounds in this room
make it very difficult to monitor the kids (make this plural so it doesn't
seem like it's all about you), so if you notice anyone doing something they
shouldn't, please let me know". You may need to say explicitly that you are
totally blind since most people don't get that out of the box, i.e. it's
something they need to be plainly told. 
Tara, I wouldn't let J.E.'s story bother you. I really think J.E. you could
have tried harder, gone to more events with that group to give them more
time, socialized more v. sitting in a chair and waiting for people to come
to you, and certainly trying other groups if groups were something you
wanted. 
As for transportation, I would argue that if you're going to a public place
you want to be under your own power, though mostly these events last a
couple hours. I'm not a fan of taking my girls home when they act up since
that's in effect punishing me. What I will do is have them sit with me for a
little bit. I learned this from our band director who couldn't send a kid
home when we were traveling, nor could she physically take the misbehaving
kid home herself. Her solution was to have the problem child sit with her.
It was incredibly effective. 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
Sent: Tuesday, October 6, 2015 6:33 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Jo Elizabeth Pinto <jopinto at msn.com>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group

I tried a Mommy and Me group, and for me, it was an absolutely miserable
experience.  I'm not saying it will be awful for you, but there are
definitely some things I could have done differently that might have changed
the outcome in my situation, or at least improved the odds that things might
have worked out better for me.  I never went back to give the group a second
try, so I don't know if I could have educated the moms or structured the
environment in a more accessible way or anything during future visits.

First of all, find out where the group you are interested in holds its
meetings.  I went to a group that met in a large room at a rec center. 
Strike one.  The moms sat around some tables that were set up in a horseshoe
formation at one end of the room, and the kids played with toys on a rug at
the other end.  The room echoed because of the high ceiling and the vast
space, and I couldn't hear much of anything that went on with my child once
she wandered away from me and went for the toys she hadn't seen before and
the new playmates.  Plus, she kept wanting to dart outside every time the
doors were opened.  The setup was not ideal for a blind mom, and I may have
given the other moms the idea that I couldn't keep tabs on my child very
well.

Then,, decide how you will get to the meetings.  I called the number on the
Web site and chatted with the mom who ran the Mommy and Me group.  She
seemed nice, and when she offered to pick me up on her way to the meeting, I
accepted gladly.  It was winter, and taking the bus with a squirmy toddler
while there was ice on the ground wasn't my idea of a good time.  The mom
and I found plenty to chat about during the car ride to the meeting.  Having
kids the same age seems to open up the communication channels.  But as soon
as we got to the rec center and I was settled comfortably in a chair, the
mom disappeared among her friends, and that was the last I saw of her. 
Strike two.  Use your own transportation so you can leave if you want to. 
All of the other moms in the group knew each other well.  Very well, in
fact.  I was introduced briefly, and after that, I might as well have been
invisible.  I was given fruit and coffee, but the moms were doing some kind
of craft, and I wasn't asked to join in.  That was just as well because I'm
not too good at those artsy sorts of things, but I felt more and more
uncomfortable at the meeting as time passed.  Especially since I had a lot
of trouble keeping an ear out for my daughter.  I figured she was doing okay
since she wasn't fussing and she didn't seem to be starting trouble with the
other kids, and mostly I was listening to make sure she didn't go out the
doors when people came and went.  Now and then she brought toys to show me,
and I heard some of the other moms commenting about that, but I felt like I
was being watched as if I were a science specimen, and definitely not part
of the group.  I wondered if I should somehow impose myself into the
conversation when I heard some remark about how my daughter showed me toys,
but I wasn't sure what to say.

Finally, the hour and a half was up--it felt more like a year and a half to
me--and the mom who had given me a ride came back around to take me home. 
She told me I was welcome to come along to any Mommy and Me events in the
future, and I thanked her and said I would let her know if I was interested,
but we both knew at that point it wasn't going to happen.

So, what I would recommend is, if you want to go, ask questions.  Find a
group that meets in a small room.  Find a group that has outings to places
you want to go.  The group I went to had a lot of young, upscale moms--I'm
an older parent, for starters, and maybe not as outgoing as I should be. 
Maybe I didn't try hard enough to break into the social group, or maybe I
just didn't have enough in common with that particular demographic.  I could
have searched for a different group, but the wind had been thoroughly taken
from my sails by that point, and I never did look.  Once my daughter started
school, I found it easier to be present in her classroom.

Jo Elizabeth

"The Bright Side of Darkness"
is my newly published novel,
available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
-----Original Message-----
From: Tara Briggs via blparent
Sent: Tuesday, October 06, 2015 3:44 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Tara Briggs
Subject: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group

Hi, have any of you who are stay at home moms joined a mommy and me group? 
My sister-in-law found a couple of groups in Utah where I live. I'm thinking
about joining one of them. If any of you have been a part of mommy and me,
or a playgroup for preschoolers, how did it go? Do you have any advice?
Thanks!
Tara

Sent from my iPhone
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