[blparent] Herding cats and children?
Jo Elizabeth Pinto
jopinto at msn.com
Sat Oct 10 04:25:15 UTC 2015
Allison, I remember I spilled a glass of lemonade back when I first got
married. I had been brought up in a household where spills were a big deal,
especially when they were mine, because I don't think my mom ever quite got
used to the fact that one of her kids was blind. Anyway, my new husband
turned to me and said, "It's a spilled drink, for God's sake, what's the big
deal? Do you think you blind people keep all of the paper towel companies
in business by yourselves or something?"
That remark hit me between the eyes at the time, and it's given me a lot to
think about over the years, especially since I've had my daughter. I've run
into new challenges. I've been way out of my comfort zone. I've had to
stretch my thinking and come up with plenty of new ideas, solve problems I
never even imagined I'd have, and my daughter isn't even half grown yet. I
don't know all of the answers--hell, I don't even know all of the questions
yet. But guess what? My sighted peers don't, either. I don't keep the
paper towel companies in business by myself. We're all in this together.
Some of the big picture questions, you try to have pretty good answers to.
What will you do if your child runs out in the street? Well, first, you do
your best to teach your kid about safety. You keep your toddler close to
you with a child harness or a carrier or a stroller till she has gotten to
be of a suitable age and earned enough of your trust to walk on her own, and
then you teach her to hold your hand, look both ways, listen for traffic,
etc. But there may still come a day, like it did for me recently, when your
kid darts out in front of a car after a puppy, and then you hear the driver
yell out the window and the tires skid, and your heart is in your throat,
and it would still have happened if you were sighted. And in the next
second you have your kid in your arms on the curb, and tears in your eyes,
and nothing else matters except that you can feel her heart pounding against
your chest.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay to tell people what you would
do in some cases. It's okay to show them your marked syringe for giving
medicine or explain to them that you have a talking thermometer to take your
baby's temperature. But it's also okay to say you don't know. It's
perfectly all right to figure out this parenting thing as you go along.
When some well-meaning granny comes up to me in the grocery store and says,
"Oh, honey, your little girl must help you so much, hmmm?" I sometimes say,
"Yep, she's as helpful as any seven-year-old on a good day." Because it's
true. Sometimes she is: sometimes not so much.
Jo Elizabeth
"The Bright Side of Darkness"
is my newly published novel,
available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
-----Original Message-----
From: Allison via blparent
Sent: Friday, October 09, 2015 9:15 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Cc: Allison
Subject: Re: [blparent] Herding cats and children?
Hi Everyone,
First off just let me say thank you for all your responses to this thread.
You are an amazingly supportive group of thoughtful and encouraging folks
who I rreally appreciate.
So I admit it. The crazy in-laws referred to in this thread are my own
parents. Darrell is my fabulous fiancé and father of our baby girl who will
be born in January. The escape artist cat, Chaos, is also mine. He's a
stray Darrell and I adopted over a year ago. I told my mom about the cat
fiasco casually over text after it happened one Sunday night. I told her the
story mostly cuz I found it kinda funny. I wasn’t worried or stressed about
it, it was amusing how our normally mellow homebody cat randomly decided he
wanted to explore our new neighborhood. If I had any idea my parents would
turn that story into a commentary about Darrell and my ability to parent, I
wouldn't have said a word. But who knew it would turn into that? And I guess
that was a good lesson for me about how when you are a blind parent, every
day stories can suddenly be turned into reflections about your inability to
effectively take care of your child. Which is totally frustrating but at
least I'm getting prepared for the future I suppose.
Parents live 45 minutes away which doesn't feel nearly far enough some days.
LOL. But I'm an only child and parents are aging, so living sorta close
feels important for now cuz I'll be the one looking out for them as they
age. The crazy thing is that my parents have been around the NFB for years
and actually know some terrific blind parents. They absolutely know better,
and even so I can't figure out where they get their misconceptions some
days. Ironically, if anyone outside of our family implied that Darrell and I
could not take care of our kid, my parents would be livid and rush to our
defense.
That wild inconsistency blows my mind sometimes, but I'm not sure there's
much we can do about it except not to take it too seriously.
My question to you all is this... how do you not let the doubts from sighted
people get inside your head much? Cuz I've mostly learned to tune out my
parents, but Darrell hasn't quite yet, and it's not just them who think that
2 blind people having a kid is crazy. I feel like I encounter this sort of
thinkingmore often than not. I feel like I rarely have room to ever *not*
know something because then people will assume it's because of blindness
that I don't know and that that means I am incapable of doing it. But
sometimes, we don't have a solution for everything. Cuz no one does right?
Just curious to hear others' perspectives. And thanks again for all the
encouraging posts we got on this topic.
Best,
Allison, Darrell, Baby Girl Pending, and Chaos the Escape Cat.
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
Sent: Thursday, October 1, 2015 1:23 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Jo Elizabeth Pinto <jopinto at msn.com>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Herding cats and children?
This is a little bit ahead of the game, since it's used for outside spaces
like parks and shopping malls. But I purchased a fairly inexpensive child
locator at this link:
http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Im-Here-cl-103br-Locator/dp/B0009PLRXK/ref=sr_1_
fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1443730372&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=Mommy+WhereAm+I+child+l
ocator
It served my daughter well for several years, and then I passed it along to
another blind mom when I felt my kid was old enough to answer whenever I
called. I never had to push the button on my end, but it gave me great
peace of mind to have her wearing it, not only for if she got lost, but also
for the very slim but horrible possibility that someone might have tried to
snatch her. I held a button that was like a keychain, and she had a teddy
bear part that had a plastic loop on the back of it. I would have liked it
better if it had a clip I could have fastened to her clothes, but it didn't,
so I slid a big safety pin through the loop on the bear and pinned that to
the waistband of her pants or to her jacket or shirt. She liked the bear
and called him her traveling friend. The bear didn't have a button she
could push, so I wasn't worried she would set off the alarm by accident, but
I could push the button on the keychain if I needed to know where my
daughter was, or if I ever felt she was in danger and I wanted to attract
attention to her in a big hurry. The locator made a very loud beeping
noise.
Jo Elizabeth
"The Bright Side of Darkness"
is my newly published novel,
available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
Audio coming very soon!
-----Original Message-----
From: Tammy via blparent
Sent: Thursday, October 01, 2015 7:25 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Tammy
Subject: Re: [blparent] Herding cats and children?
Hi,
First of all, a cat is a lot different then a child, although sometimes
children can be just as sneaky as cats are. There are squeaky shoes you can
get for your child, as well as child locater beacons and you can always
attach bells when they're little and won't take them off. I taught my
children at a very young age, like as soon as they could understand and
talk, that they needed to answer me when I called them, just to let me know
where they were. This has resulted in us having to go home from parks
because one didn't answer or come when I called a second time. My son Remus
likes to run sometimes and although he doesn't do it much anymore, he's not
very popular with the others if he's the reason we have to cut a trip short.
I would definitely say you're jumping the gun a little, but we've all been
where you are now, and it's a scarey time. Family often doesn't help at all
when questioning our abilities, especially when they're mean about it like
your in-laws seem to be. It's one thing to say hey how will you do such and
such, but to compare your new child to a cat is ridiculous! I've never
heard a child who doesn't make a little noise when trying to go somewhere
they shouldn't be, and most sound like a herd of elephants especially when
they're trying to be quiet. Ever played hide and seek with a 2 year old?
lol
I hope this helps a little. Try to ignore your in-laws. Your little one
won't come out walking right away. You'll have time to get used to him or
her before then, and parenting is a lot of trying something and seeing what
works best for you and your partner and child.
Tammy
-----Original Message-----
From: Darrell Shandrow via blparent
Sent: Wednesday, September 30, 2015 9:01 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Cc: Darrell Shandrow
Subject: [blparent] Herding cats and children?
Hello Everyone,
Our cat got out again a few nights ago. Every time this happens, my in-laws
question our ability to keep track of our new child once she is able to
walk.
It's all very discouraging... If I can't keep a cat in the house, how am I
going to make sure our little girl doesn't run outside and get hit by a car?
I have some ideas, and I know we'll figure it out in due time. But,
seriously, what alternative techniques do you employ as a blind person to
effectively keep track of your child at all times?
I think we need the Find My Cat, and Find My Kid, apps. :-)
Regards,
Darrell
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