[blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
Sharon Howerton
shrnhow at gmail.com
Sun Oct 25 23:07:57 UTC 2015
Jennifer, if you have access to paratransit services in your area and can
transport your son on a vehicle with you, that would seem to me to be a
safer way to travel at night. Good luck.
Sharon
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jennifer
Woods via blparent
Sent: Sunday, October 25, 2015 6:01 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Jennifer Woods
Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
Judy and others who use public transportation with your kids at night.
How did or do you do traveling at night with your children? On public
transportation?
I am always nervous traveling alone at night by myself, but especially with
my son, I feel that being fa woman and then being blind makes me more of a
target.
Thank you.
Jennifer
On Oct 7, 2015, at 2:16 PM, Judy Jones via blparent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
wrote:
Wonderful letter!
I don't think there is such things as a supermom, blind or otherwise, I
agree with you, we all just want the best for our kids.
With my husband and I both being blind, we positioned ourselves
strategically when buying our house, and were able to make the most out of
our transportation options in the area. Plus, as the kids get older,
especially once they enter school, we found that stay-at-home mom was an
oxymoron, since there is always something going on with the kids, you, or
rest of the family that keeps you away from the house. During the girls'
growing up years, I remember many times, where my husband and I would be
literally passing each other coming and going. The proverbial "ships in the
night." He was very helpful in taking one girl someplace when I might be at
home with the other, or vice-versa. He was working fulltime then, but still
managed to help with evening activities as they arose.
The transportation for us was key, though, and a very important thing to
work out for a blind parent.
Also, there are always going to be times, whether one is sighted or blind,
when you feel "odd man out." It happens to everyone for any reason, but to
us, can seem magnified when being blind, I know.
Judy
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jessica
Reed via blparent
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2015 3:02 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Cc: Jessica Reed
Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
Tara,
If I recall, your baby isn't much younger than my daughter, who is 18
months. I can't believe you have held on this long without an outlet! They
say that being a mother is the hardest job, and I don't think I fully
understood this until I left my job with the government to stay home. I
think part of the reason this is true, and one that I wish more people
talked about, is the incredible isolation and loneliness that comes with
being a stay at home mother. I may get flack for this, but I think our
blindness and therefore our lack of being able to quickly hop into a car to
take our children out, definitely compounds this.
Now on to my experience with the MOMS group in Fredericksburg. I had been
encouraged by my sister, who was a member of the same group in Boston, to
join. I dragged my feet for an entire year, for the exact same fears that
you described. The first two meeting went fantastically. Our first public
meeting was at our public library. Lila was just one, and not yet walking.
She also was pretty shy and clingy, only warming up to the other kids after
we were there for a while. I plopped my self directly in the middle of the
kids and just followed Lila around. I think as blind mothers it is on us to
be a little more outgoing, so they focuss on the comonground of mothering
and not on our disability. When no one directly talked to me I talked to
Lila or even to other people's small children.
Well, I mentioned that the first two meetings went well, that is until the
end of the year party. It was at this small beach campground. Frankly, it
was a disaster from the start! I had trouble getting a ride, and it wasn't
close. I was so upset the night before that my husband actually took of
work to take us. Once there, I was completely lost! I was so insecure,
people were coming and going from this activity to another, and the
activities were not close to eachother. As the day went on I became more
and more nervous and therefore more inept. People didn't talk to me as
much. Suffice it to say I came home and cried... a lot! My husband tried
to comfort me, but I just didn't feel he understood.
I swore I was completely done with that group after my humiliation. I
recounted my story to my sighted sister and she e explained that people may
not have talked to me as much because they were stressed trying to keep up
with their kids in such a kaotic environment. She may have been right, but
I didn't care.
Just Just yesterday I returned to one of the group activities, a public
interest meeting at the library. I found my own ride, so I could leave any
time we wanted. It went great! Lila and I even made Halloween cards for a
local nursing home.
You may be thinking, good for you. I shared my story just to demonstrate
that I get it! The way I look at it is we don't have a choice but to keep
trying. I'll bet there a number of mommy groups in your area. If one
doesn't work, try a different one. A few suggestions, Moms Offering Moms
Support, meetup.com, making a point to go to your local library's story time
and followed it up by going to the kids play section. Lila and I have found
that you start to recognize the same mothers week after week. We are all in
the same boat, craving adult interaction and stimulation. If you join one
of these groups, go to the meetings that have smaller areas. MOMS, for
example, has many play dates at people's homes. This is wonderful because
it is contained! It just takes one friend to make you feel comfortable. I
think someone else mentioned this, but find your own transportation the
first few times. This way you can come and go as you like and if it is a
disaster you don't have to torture your self.
My heart really gose out to you. Like I have said, I am still going threw
all of this... work in progress... I just have learned a few tricks a long
the way. Thank you for having the courage to bring this up. Many times I
feel like we all have to act like we are these super blind moms. I don't
know about you, but I still have the same struggles I did before I had a
child. The thing for me is, I want Lila to look at me and not feel that
mommy's blindness held her back. I want to be a Melissa R. or Mary Jo H.,
and maybe one day I can be. It's strange being a parent because
insecurities of certain things I don't know how to do are now really coming
to light. If I really want Lila to see me as an equal I now have to face
them and it is terrifying!
Take care, good luck, and please know that you have one Virginia mom
cheering you on!
Jessica Reed
Sorry for the spelling mistakes...took so long to write that I am rushing to
send.
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Tara Briggs
via blparent
Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2015 12:44 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Tara Briggs
Subject: Re: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
Thanks so much for your email! The story you told is the reason why I have
been putting off joining a mommy and me group for the past year. However, I
am starting to go a little bit crazy! I absolutely love my baby! She is the
best! However, the days get pretty long and pretty boring and pretty lonely
with only a 14 month old to talk to. For those of you who have and stay at
home moms, what have you done about feeling isolated?
Thanks for any advice!
Tara
And will you please let us know when your new novel comes out on
audible.com? I would really love to listen to it!
Sent from my iPhone
>> On Oct 6, 2015, at 4:33 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto via blparent
> <blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>
> I tried a Mommy and Me group, and for me, it was an absolutely
> miserable
experience. I'm not saying it will be awful for you, but there are
definitely some things I could have done differently that might have changed
the outcome in my situation, or at least improved the odds that things might
have worked out better for me. I never went back to give the group a second
try, so I don't know if I could have educated the moms or structured the
environment in a more accessible way or anything during future visits.
>
> First of all, find out where the group you are interested in holds its
meetings. I went to a group that met in a large room at a rec center.
Strike one. The moms sat around some tables that were set up in a horseshoe
formation at one end of the room, and the kids played with toys on a rug at
the other end. The room echoed because of the high ceiling and the vast
space, and I couldn't hear much of anything that went on with my child once
she wandered away from me and went for the toys she hadn't seen before and
the new playmates. Plus, she kept wanting to dart outside every time the
doors were opened. The setup was not ideal for a blind mom, and I may have
given the other moms the idea that I couldn't keep tabs on my child very
well.
>
> Then,, decide how you will get to the meetings. I called the number
> on
the Web site and chatted with the mom who ran the Mommy and Me group. She
seemed nice, and when she offered to pick me up on her way to the meeting, I
accepted gladly. It was winter, and taking the bus with a squirmy toddler
while there was ice on the ground wasn't my idea of a good time. The mom
and I found plenty to chat about during the car ride to the meeting. Having
kids the same age seems to open up the communication channels. But as soon
as we got to the rec center and I was settled comfortably in a chair, the
mom disappeared among her friends, and that was the last I saw of her.
Strike two. Use your own transportation so you can leave if you want to.
All of the other moms in the group knew each other well. Very well, in
fact. I was introduced briefly, and after that, I might as well have been
invisible. I was given fruit and coffee, but the moms were doing some kind
of craft, and I wasn't asked to join in. That was just as well because I'm
not too good at those artsy sorts of things, but I felt more and more
uncomfortable at the meeting as time passed. Especially since I had a lot
of trouble keeping an ear out for my daughter. I figured she was doing okay
since she wasn't fussing and she didn't seem to be starting trouble with the
other kids, and mostly I was listening to make sure she didn't go out the
doors when people came and went. Now and then she brought toys to show me,
and I heard some of the other moms commenting about that, but I felt like I
was being watched as if I were a science specimen, and definitely not part
of the group. I wondered if I should somehow impose myself into the
conversation when I heard some remark about how my daughter showed me toys,
but I wasn't sure what to say.
>
> Finally, the hour and a half was up--it felt more like a year and a
> half
to me--and the mom who had given me a ride came back around to take me home.
She told me I was welcome to come along to any Mommy and Me events in the
future, and I thanked her and said I would let her know if I was interested,
but we both knew at that point it wasn't going to happen.
>
> So, what I would recommend is, if you want to go, ask questions. Find
> a
group that meets in a small room. Find a group that has outings to places
you want to go. The group I went to had a lot of young, upscale moms--I'm
an older parent, for starters, and maybe not as outgoing as I should be.
Maybe I didn't try hard enough to break into the social group, or maybe I
just didn't have enough in common with that particular demographic. I could
have searched for a different group, but the wind had been thoroughly taken
from my sails by that point, and I never did look. Once my daughter started
school, I found it easier to be present in her classroom.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "The Bright Side of Darkness"
> is my newly published novel,
> available on Kindle and in paperback at Amazon.com.
> -----Original Message----- From: Tara Briggs via blparent
> Sent: Tuesday, October 06, 2015 3:44 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Cc: Tara Briggs
> Subject: [blparent] Joining a mommy and me group
>
> Hi, have any of you who are stay at home moms joined a mommy and me group?
My sister-in-law found a couple of groups in Utah where I live. I'm thinking
about joining one of them. If any of you have been a part of mommy and me,
or a playgroup for preschoolers, how did it go? Do you have any advice?
> Thanks!
> Tara
>
> Sent from my iPhone
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