[blparent] Older Kids and Interaction with the Public

Thu Jun 16 19:51:16 UTC 2016

Yes, we had experiences like that.  I just enforced the fact with our girls that they are very much appreciated, and I thanked the well-meaning person.  These people probably would comment on any kids that are contributing posibively toward their neighborhood and people around them. 

Also, as life happened, we made sure the girls weren't always in the situation of being helpers.  You want to teach kids kindness and virtues such as helpfulness, and those are best taught when helping other family members or friends, but we made sure to have other ways and means of getting assistance we needed without leaning too heavily on our kids and maintaining our authority as their parents.  It sounds like you are on the right track.

Judy
-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto via BlParent
Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2016 11:53 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Subject: [blparent] Older Kids and Interaction with the Public

Hi, listers.  I've got a question, especially for those of you with older children or grown kids.  I've had a couple of interesting interactions with the public lately.  The first one I blew off as a fluke, but when it happened a second time within a couple of weeks, I started giving it more thought.  My boyfriend says I think too much--he may have a good point, but I thought I'd ask around anyway.

There's a convenience store down the street from where we live, and my daughter and I walk down there now and then to get treats..  On the last day of school, I took her there to get her an icy drink to celebrate the onset of summer.  A well-meaning lady in line offered to buy her drink, saying, "You're a good girl.  I liked the way you held the door open for your mom and me when we all came in the store.  I bet you help your mom out a lot, don't you?"  My daughter, being the fairly honest and precocious eight-year-old that she is, answered, "Sometimes.  I have my moments.  I wasn't too helpful yesterday.  I didn't wanna take the trash out or clean my room."  The stranger, who really hadn't counted on getting our life history, said, "Oh.  Well, if you said you were sorry and fixed the problem ... we all have bad days."  She paid for the drink and went on her way.  I had been a bit surprised by the offer, but I thought my daughter handled the situation gracefully, and I thanked the woman and didn't think too much about it.  People are nice.  I figured blindness had something to do with it, but I didn't dwell on it.

Then it happened again, a few weeks later, only it was a man who stopped his truck and went out of his way to come into the store.  He was much more obvious about stating how he had watched my daughter help me patiently across the street, and the sight had blessed him, so he wanted to bless her back.  My daughter was a bit confused by that--she tried to tell him that my dog had been the one who helped me cross the street, but he didn't seem to understand the distinction.  Coming on the heels of the fact that my dad, her grandpa, had lectured her the day before about how I'd gotten around just fine before she came along after he'd seen her helping me find a chair at a crowded graduation party--I later thanked her for helping me find the chair because she wonder what she'd done wrong; most grandparents would be glad to see their grandchildren being thoughtful and helpful, I don't know what bug was up his butt anyway--it was all very confusing to her.  Anyway, the man at the convenience store bought my daughter a soda and a Shark Week doughnut.  He wanted to buy her a candy bar as well, but I drew the line. 
He kept saying you just didn't see such good kids too often these days and the world needed helpful, respectful children who took care of their parents and blah, blah, blah.

I tried to figure out what my daughter took away from the experiences and all she said was that she loved me and wanted to be helpful.  She is, most of the time.  I don't think she feels overly responsible because of my disability.  She has age-appropriate chores.  So the big question is, are those kind of experiences harmful to a child?  Should I be telling well-meaning people not to treat her?  Or is it okay to just let it be positive and enjoy it for what it is?  Have you all experienced this?  How have you reacted?

Jo Elizabeth

"The Bright Side of Darkness"
is my newly published novel,
available in Kindle, audio, and paperback formats at Amazon.com.
-----Original Message-----
From: Star Gazer via BlParent
Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2016 10:42 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Cc: Star Gazer
Subject: Re: [blparent] Question for Blind Dads About Dressing Babies

This is how I do it, place the child in the position that I'd do for myself. It just makes sense that way.

-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Brandy W via BlParent
Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2016 6:42 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Brandy W <ballstobooks at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Question for Blind Dads About Dressing Babies

OK, I'm laughing just a little remembering my stepdad dressing my baby sister. That man he never could figure out how to get clothes on her the right way they always seem to be inside out and backwards. I think it is a man thing not a blind man thing.

I know that my dad preferred to dress my brother and sister on the floor. He would set them up with their back to him. And then pull the shirt over their head. And then put the arms through. Then he would lay them down and pull the onesie down and snack also children's place and many other stores make one piece romper  this time of year they are much like a onesie with slightly longer legs. These would go on the same as a sleeve or minus the legs and feet and would likely do the same for him to get on. He could then unsnap it all the way lay it down, and then lay her on top and put in the arms and then snap down the middle until she was essentially dressed. If I lived closer I would help Good sent  from my iPhone

> On Jun 15, 2016, at 2:13 PM, KailaAllen via BlParent 
> <blparent at nfbnet.org>
wrote:
>
> Has he practiced at all on a baby doll, maybe that would help him 
> figure
out a way to get it over the child's head and arms through the whole.
>
> Thank you,
>
> Kaila
>
> The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do 
> not
expect to sit.   Nelson G Henderson
>
>
>> On Jun 15, 2016, at 11:06 AM, Allison via BlParent 
>> <blparent at nfbnet.org>
wrote:
>>
>> Hi All,
>>
>> Happy Father's Day everyone. I have a question that anybody on here 
>> is
welcome to chime in on, but I'm especially looking for suggestions from blind dads. How did you learn to dress your baby? Was the process ever difficult for you and what helped it get easier?
>>
>> My daughter is five-months-old and my husband is having a lot of
difficulty dressing her. I kept hoping this issue would get better over time with practice, but it's not improving all that much. So far he can only manage footie pjs, which is something, but we live in the desert where it is
100 degrees or more each day and footies are too warm. Any other clothing like onsies,  dresses, t-shirts, etc seems to baffle my husband and send our daughter into fits of screaming and crying as he tries to dress her. I'm blind myself and can get our baby dressed okay. So I don't think it's just a blindness issue. I think having sight would help my husband to learn some of this more easily, but it's certainly not required because other blind parents, myself included, manage it.
>>
>> I think that maybe guys in general are given very little practice 
>> with
dressing small children. And my guess is that blind men especially have almost no chances in their lives to work on this skill. I honestly don't know where or how I learned how to dress a baby, but I think I got some practice on baby dolls and baby-sitting charges growing up. As a guy, my husband didn't have those experiences, so as an adult with his own baby, he's at a loss.
>>
>> I've tried giving him dressing tips both by letting him feel what I 
>> do
and through verbal description. I've also set aside a separate bag of clothing for just him to use. It's a set of outfits that seemed easier than others because they had large neck openings,  were one piece, and were on the big size. So far, none of those techniques have helped, and I'm at a loss  of what to try next because I just don't want to listen to my baby crying during daddy dressing time each day.
>>
>> Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he's a terrific dad to our
daughter. He does a lot of other baby care quite well. He is better than me at giving our daughter medicine for example. He also doesn't shy away from a messy diaper which I so appreciate.
>>
>> We really just could use some baby-dressing suggestions for him 
>> because
it is not practical for me to dress my daughter all the time. I work full-time and my husband is home with the baby during the day. I dress her in the morning, but if she needs a new outfit throughout the day, as babies tend to do, he needs to be able to dress her.
>>
>> Thanks in advance for suggestions.
>>
>> Best,
>> Allison
>>
>>
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