[blparent] Older Kids and Interaction with the Public

Thu Jun 16 17:53:20 UTC 2016

Hi, listers.  I've got a question, especially for those of you with older 
children or grown kids.  I've had a couple of interesting interactions with 
the public lately.  The first one I blew off as a fluke, but when it 
happened a second time within a couple of weeks, I started giving it more 
thought.  My boyfriend says I think too much--he may have a good point, but 
I thought I'd ask around anyway.

There's a convenience store down the street from where we live, and my 
daughter and I walk down there now and then to get treats..  On the last day 
of school, I took her there to get her an icy drink to celebrate the onset 
of summer.  A well-meaning lady in line offered to buy her drink, saying, 
"You're a good girl.  I liked the way you held the door open for your mom 
and me when we all came in the store.  I bet you help your mom out a lot, 
don't you?"  My daughter, being the fairly honest and precocious 
eight-year-old that she is, answered, "Sometimes.  I have my moments.  I 
wasn't too helpful yesterday.  I didn't wanna take the trash out or clean my 
room."  The stranger, who really hadn't counted on getting our life history, 
said, "Oh.  Well, if you said you were sorry and fixed the problem ... we 
all have bad days."  She paid for the drink and went on her way.  I had been 
a bit surprised by the offer, but I thought my daughter handled the 
situation gracefully, and I thanked the woman and didn't think too much 
about it.  People are nice.  I figured blindness had something to do with 
it, but I didn't dwell on it.

Then it happened again, a few weeks later, only it was a man who stopped his 
truck and went out of his way to come into the store.  He was much more 
obvious about stating how he had watched my daughter help me patiently 
across the street, and the sight had blessed him, so he wanted to bless her 
back.  My daughter was a bit confused by that--she tried to tell him that my 
dog had been the one who helped me cross the street, but he didn't seem to 
understand the distinction.  Coming on the heels of the fact that my dad, 
her grandpa, had lectured her the day before about how I'd gotten around 
just fine before she came along after he'd seen her helping me find a chair 
at a crowded graduation party--I later thanked her for helping me find the 
chair because she wonder what she'd done wrong; most grandparents would be 
glad to see their grandchildren being thoughtful and helpful, I don't know 
what bug was up his butt anyway--it was all very confusing to her.  Anyway, 
the man at the convenience store bought my daughter a soda and a Shark Week 
doughnut.  He wanted to buy her a candy bar as well, but I drew the line. 
He kept saying you just didn't see such good kids too often these days and 
the world needed helpful, respectful children who took care of their parents 
and blah, blah, blah.

I tried to figure out what my daughter took away from the experiences and 
all she said was that she loved me and wanted to be helpful.  She is, most 
of the time.  I don't think she feels overly responsible because of my 
disability.  She has age-appropriate chores.  So the big question is, are 
those kind of experiences harmful to a child?  Should I be telling 
well-meaning people not to treat her?  Or is it okay to just let it be 
positive and enjoy it for what it is?  Have you all experienced this?  How 
have you reacted?

Jo Elizabeth

"The Bright Side of Darkness"
is my newly published novel,
available in Kindle, audio, and paperback formats at Amazon.com.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Star Gazer via BlParent
Sent: Thursday, June 16, 2016 10:42 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Cc: Star Gazer
Subject: Re: [blparent] Question for Blind Dads About Dressing Babies

This is how I do it, place the child in the
position that I'd do for myself. It just makes sense that way.

-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Brandy W
via BlParent
Sent: Wednesday, June 15, 2016 6:42 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Brandy W <ballstobooks at gmail.com>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Question for Blind Dads About Dressing Babies

OK, I'm laughing just a little remembering my stepdad dressing my baby
sister. That man he never could figure out how to get clothes on her the
right way they always seem to be inside out and backwards. I think it is a
man thing not a blind man thing.

I know that my dad preferred to dress my brother and sister on the floor. He
would set them up with their back to him. And then pull the shirt over their
head. And then put the arms through. Then he would lay them down and pull
the onesie down and snack also children's place and many other stores make
one piece romper  this time of year they are much like a onesie with
slightly longer legs. These would go on the same as a sleeve or minus the
legs and feet and would likely do the same for him to get on. He could then
unsnap it all the way lay it down, and then lay her on top and put in the
arms and then snap down the middle until she was essentially dressed. If I
lived closer I would help Good sent  from my iPhone

> On Jun 15, 2016, at 2:13 PM, KailaAllen via BlParent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
wrote:
>
> Has he practiced at all on a baby doll, maybe that would help him figure
out a way to get it over the child's head and arms through the whole.
>
> Thank you,
>
> Kaila
>
> The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not
expect to sit.   Nelson G Henderson
>
>
>> On Jun 15, 2016, at 11:06 AM, Allison via BlParent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
wrote:
>>
>> Hi All,
>>
>> Happy Father's Day everyone. I have a question that anybody on here is
welcome to chime in on, but I'm especially looking for suggestions from
blind dads. How did you learn to dress your baby? Was the process ever
difficult for you and what helped it get easier?
>>
>> My daughter is five-months-old and my husband is having a lot of
difficulty dressing her. I kept hoping this issue would get better over time
with practice, but it's not improving all that much. So far he can only
manage footie pjs, which is something, but we live in the desert where it is
100 degrees or more each day and footies are too warm. Any other clothing
like onsies,  dresses, t-shirts, etc seems to baffle my husband and send our
daughter into fits of screaming and crying as he tries to dress her. I'm
blind myself and can get our baby dressed okay. So I don't think it's just a
blindness issue. I think having sight would help my husband to learn some of
this more easily, but it's certainly not required because other blind
parents, myself included, manage it.
>>
>> I think that maybe guys in general are given very little practice with
dressing small children. And my guess is that blind men especially have
almost no chances in their lives to work on this skill. I honestly don't
know where or how I learned how to dress a baby, but I think I got some
practice on baby dolls and baby-sitting charges growing up. As a guy, my
husband didn't have those experiences, so as an adult with his own baby,
he's at a loss.
>>
>> I've tried giving him dressing tips both by letting him feel what I do
and through verbal description. I've also set aside a separate bag of
clothing for just him to use. It's a set of outfits that seemed easier than
others because they had large neck openings,  were one piece, and were on
the big size. So far, none of those techniques have helped, and I'm at a
loss  of what to try next because I just don't want to listen to my baby
crying during daddy dressing time each day.
>>
>> Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he's a terrific dad to our
daughter. He does a lot of other baby care quite well. He is better than me
at giving our daughter medicine for example. He also doesn't shy away from a
messy diaper which I so appreciate.
>>
>> We really just could use some baby-dressing suggestions for him because
it is not practical for me to dress my daughter all the time. I work
full-time and my husband is home with the baby during the day. I dress her
in the morning, but if she needs a new outfit throughout the day, as babies
tend to do, he needs to be able to dress her.
>>
>> Thanks in advance for suggestions.
>>
>> Best,
>> Allison
>>
>>
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