[blparent] BlParent Digest, Vol 142, Issue 14
Bernadette Jacobs
bernienfb75 at gmail.com
Mon Mar 28 19:35:03 UTC 2016
Sent from my iPhone
> On Mar 28, 2016, at 8:00 AM, blparent-request at nfbnet.org wrote:
>
> Send BlParent mailing list submissions to
> blparent at nfbnet.org
>
> To subscribe or unsubscribe via the World Wide Web, visit
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> or, via email, send a message with subject or body 'help' to
> blparent-request at nfbnet.org
>
> You can reach the person managing the list at
> blparent-owner at nfbnet.org
>
> When replying, please edit your Subject line so it is more specific
> than "Re: Contents of BlParent digest..."
>
>
> Today's Topics:
>
> 1. Re: behavior problems with our 4 year old (Star Gazer)
> 2. Re: behavior problems with our 4 year old (Jessica Bartenbach)
> 3. Re: behavior problems with our 4 year old (Judy Jones)
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Message: 1
> Date: Sun, 27 Mar 2016 11:09:26 -0400
> From: "Star Gazer" <pickrellrebecca at gmail.com>
> To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old
> Message-ID: <1b7101d1883a$a7aa4690$f6fed3b0$@gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
>
> I ask this in all seriousness, what does she care
> about? An hour is a very long time, even for adults.
> Has she told you why she's dumping the food on the floor? It sounds to me
> like she may be trying to replicate preschool i.e. they play with dry pasta
> and the like at preschool, might that be what she's thinking of?
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris
> Reagan via BlParent
> Sent: Saturday, March 26, 2016 11:25 AM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Cc: Chris Reagan <Christopher_reagan at comcast.net>
> Subject: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old
>
> Good morning all:
> We're having a serious behavior problem with our 4 year old child and we'd
> like to know if there's anything anyone can suggest on how to get this issue
> under control. We've tried just about everything we can think of to deal
> with this and It's almost like she doesn't care. I'll give some examples as
> to what she's done and what we've tried. She likes to take foodand dump it,
> we finally got the locks that will keep her out of the cabinets. She's taken
> the drawers out of her dresser. In response we've put locks on them which
> she got around. Here's something that I wrote for what happened this
> morning, and this is also a common occurrence.
> Okay, so our child does something wrong, we put her in timeout. She doesn't
> stay still in timeout, so she is sent to her room for an hour.
> Mind you, that because of her behavior, we've taken all her toys away so her
> room isn't a very enjoyible place right now. So she opens the window and
> starts talking to people in general which we don't want her to do because of
> housing rules regarding the windows being open when the temps are below 50
> and because we don't know who she's talking too.
> So I go in and close the window and she decides to get out of her room, run
> in to the living room and run from us and hide in plain sight. I catch her
> and put her back in. in the attempt to keep her in there for the time that
> we've set, she takes my phone runs to her bed with it, and tosses it behind
> her bed, thank god for outerbox cases. I normally don't spank, but that
> deserved a spanking and that's what she got. Now she's a very bright kid,
> very smart, does well in head start. She loves to draw and help people and
> we're happy to have her in our lives!. But, her behavior is getting to the
> point where she's wearing us down. Now, spanking is something we don't like
> to do and we don't enjoy it at all.
> Plus, I believe that it only causes more problems. We've taken away tv
> privoleges and I've also resorted to taking away her toys as I previously
> stated including the stuffed animals that she likes to sleep and play with.
> When we want to go somewhere, we can't, because her grandparents won't baby
> sit anymore because of her behavior, plus when we take her places, we insist
> she hold mommy and daddy's hand, but does she, no and she knows how to
> remove the leashes. So if there's anything that we've missed or haven't done
> to curve her behavior, please don't hesitate to speak up. We love her dearly
> and we only want the best for her in the end.
> Take Care all:
> Chris
>
> _______________________________________________
> BlParent mailing list
> BlParent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> BlParent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/pickrellrebecca%40gmai
> l.com
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 2
> Date: Sun, 27 Mar 2016 15:09:06 -0600
> From: Jessica Bartenbach <jlbartenbach at gmail.com>
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old
> Message-ID: <A8B0757F-E571-4D60-885B-A0B086B60DB0 at gmail.com>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8
>
> Hi Chris,
> I have not gone through behavior problems as severe as what you are describing, but I have read some very helpful books by Dr. Kevin Leman. One is called ?Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours? and the other is ?Parenthood Without Hassles (Well, Almost).? He was a guest speaker on Focus on the Family, so he is a Christian-based counselor.
>
> My 3-year-old went through a picky eating phase several months ago. We tried everything to get him to eat. If he was not given a choice of what to eat for a meal, he would cry and throw a tantrum. Putting him in time out was not effective, nor was keeping him at the table until he ate his food. Dr. Leman made some suggestions in his book which I decided to implement, and after a few days we saw an improvement.
>
> What I did is I gave a warning time before dinner so he could have a transition. Then I called him to the table and put food in front of him. If he started to cry, I calmly picked him up and carried him to his room. I told him he could come out when he was ready to eat. The point Dr. Leman made was that he has a right to his feelings, but he does not have a right to make the rest of the family suffer while he works those feelings out. By doing this, I let him know that he was still loved and respected, but that I found his behavior unacceptable and would not tolerate it at the table. If he came out of his room and was still crying or refusing to eat, I carried him back to his room and repeated that he could come out when he was ready to eat. Usually I had to only do this a couple of times before he got lonely and decided it was more fun to be with the family.
>
> He decided once or twice that he did not want to eat what was served, and I allowed him to make this decision, but I let him know there would be no snacks until he finished his dinner. This meant one time he had his dinner for breakfast the next day. If he asked for food, I would offer him his dinner. In this way I did not feel like I was depriving him of food. Rather he was depriving himself of food because he was choosing not to eat.
>
> I?m happy to say we don?t have an eating problem with him anymore. Maybe once every couple of months I will have to pick him up and take him to his room to calm down, but he comes out on his own within a minute or two and decides to eat at that time.
>
> I hope this helps.
>
> Jessica
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 3
> Date: Sun, 27 Mar 2016 16:17:16 -0600
> From: "Judy Jones" <sonshines59 at gmail.com>
> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old
> Message-ID: <534362A91EA34C0B964D23E955C9188A at DESKTOPJOF2B70>
> Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="utf-8";
> reply-type=original
>
> I had forgotten about Kevin's books, they are fantastic.
>
> Judy
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jessica Bartenbach via BlParent
> Sent: Sunday, March 27, 2016 3:09 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Cc: Jessica Bartenbach
> Subject: Re: [blparent] behavior problems with our 4 year old
>
> Hi Chris,
> I have not gone through behavior problems as severe as what you are
> describing, but I have read some very helpful books by Dr. Kevin Leman. One
> is called ?Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours? and the other is
> ?Parenthood Without Hassles (Well, Almost).? He was a guest speaker on Focus
> on the Family, so he is a Christian-based counselor.
>
> My 3-year-old went through a picky eating phase several months ago. We tried
> everything to get him to eat. If he was not given a choice of what to eat
> for a meal, he would cry and throw a tantrum. Putting him in time out was
> not effective, nor was keeping him at the table until he ate his food. Dr.
> Leman made some suggestions in his book which I decided to implement, and
> after a few days we saw an improvement.
>
> What I did is I gave a warning time before dinner so he could have a
> transition. Then I called him to the table and put food in front of him. If
> he started to cry, I calmly picked him up and carried him to his room. I
> told him he could come out when he was ready to eat. The point Dr. Leman
> made was that he has a right to his feelings, but he does not have a right
> to make the rest of the family suffer while he works those feelings out. By
> doing this, I let him know that he was still loved and respected, but that I
> found his behavior unacceptable and would not tolerate it at the table. If
> he came out of his room and was still crying or refusing to eat, I carried
> him back to his room and repeated that he could come out when he was ready
> to eat. Usually I had to only do this a couple of times before he got lonely
> and decided it was more fun to be with the family.
>
> He decided once or twice that he did not want to eat what was served, and I
> allowed him to make this decision, but I let him know there would be no
> snacks until he finished his dinner. This meant one time he had his dinner
> for breakfast the next day. If he asked for food, I would offer him his
> dinner. In this way I did not feel like I was depriving him of food. Rather
> he was depriving himself of food because he was choosing not to eat.
>
> I?m happy to say we don?t have an eating problem with him anymore. Maybe
> once every couple of months I will have to pick him up and take him to his
> room to calm down, but he comes out on his own within a minute or two and
> decides to eat at that time.
>
> I hope this helps.
>
> Jessica
> _______________________________________________
> BlParent mailing list
> BlParent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> BlParent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/sonshines59%40gmail.com
>
>
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Subject: Digest Footer
>
> _______________________________________________
> BlParent mailing list
> BlParent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>
>
> ------------------------------
>
> End of BlParent Digest, Vol 142, Issue 14
> ***************************************** firstly, and our is far, far, far too long for any kind of timeout for a child. They have no concept of time whether it's a minute or an hour. I think, being that she is four years old, four minutes should be the very limit. Use however many minutes her age is. I think that's plenty sufficient. On the other hand The world, in general has the wrong idea about spankings. Many of us from the old school have been spanked as children. Wow!! Was still alive!! Glory be!! We live through it!! And you know what, she will too. Now, one thing I have found that works, if she refuses to stand in the corner or sit in her timeout chair, what I do, is stand right there with them. Because, as long as you were away from them. They think they can get away. However, if you are holding their hands behind their back's and holding onto them to make sure that they are in their time out chairs or stand behind them in their corners, they can't get away from you. He'll get away if you let them. Same with holding the hands. If they want to go somewhere and do not hold your hand, then they just don't go. Do they? I have heard of people saying give them rewards for good behavior catch them doing something right. I haven't seen it work yet. But, I don't have patience for nonsense either. But, you can try it, for what it's worth. I agree. Take a privilege or something away from them that they would be so upset that they couldn't just stand it. But only take it for a while. Take it for one day. Take it for one hour. Maybe 20 minutes. But don't take it for a week, unless it's really, really bad. My daughter loses her eye pad for being disrespectful or defiant. But only dad. She loses it for a day or two and then gets back. Do you give her candy or anything sugar? Take it all away. And take it away for a long time. Let her earn it piece by piece. If she does something good, then reboard to her. Left her on each reward piece by piece but tell her it can be taken away as quickly as sheets got it. I think nothing of standing with my children in the corner behind them so that they get the idea or standing with them holding their hands behind their back's in the timeout chair. Like I say. If you walk away from them, of course you're only giving them liberty to do whatever they feel like. There was one child in Wisconsin I used to take care of. He thought it was very cool to hide from his babysitter because she was blind. Well, he only did it once. He hid from me. Couldn't find them. Couldn't find them. Couldn't find them. Then, I decided to pick up the sleeping baby out of her crib and I quietly hid both of us from him. I took her way down in the corner of the basement. She had no clue. He had no clue. She slept through the whole thing in my arms. Her mother came home and I could hear her so I signaled to her at the window I showed her Christina in my arms then she unlocked the door of the house and came in. By this time, the little boy was absolutely hysterical. Couldn't find his baby sister. Couldn't find his babysitter. We were gone. Simply disappeared into thin air. His mother, of course knew better. So she asked him what he did. She said, are you ever going to hide from Miss Bernie again? He was so hysterical he could not talk. He could barely breathe. That was the last time he ever hid from me. He never believed I could hide from him. But, I did. He was looking and looking and looking around for me. Never thought we'd head for the basement and when Christina was gone??? His baby sister??? He just couldn't imagine. His heart nearly broke. But, I tell you it's never happened since. Now those children are in their late 20s and early 30s. And you know, at Christmas time he and his mother still talk about it. And of course, he was the one who brought it up. Funny. Isn't it?
More information about the BlParent
mailing list