[blparent] (no subject)
Judy Jones
sonshines59 at gmail.com
Mon May 15 17:29:24 UTC 2017
Hi again,
First of all,don't worry one bit about hurt feelings, absolutely none and am
glad to help out. I was straightening out misconceptions, but no hurt
feelings whatsoever. Not to worry. See answers below, and appreciate your
kind e-mail.
Write back any time.
Judy
-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Alomi
Parikh via BlParent
Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 10:06 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Cc: Alomi Parikh
Subject: Re: [blparent] (no subject)
Hi Judy,
First of all, I'd like to heartily thank you for contacting me.
Secondly, I am extremely sorry if my assumptions hurt you in any way, it was
not my intention.
I am also sorry I didn't make this clear, but no, I am not blind. I have
contacted the list to get a better insight and first hand reports that would
help me in my project. And yes, I am not a parent.
I spoke to a couple of Blind Parents from India and they indicated that they
often had the help of their sighted friends and neighbors and I made the
mistake of generalizing this.
Thank you for the rest of your answers, they were really helpful. But I
wanted to clarify a few things.
The same set of questions were sent out to both Blind and Sighted parents.
For example, my intention was not to imply that there is a problem providing
safety but to inquire if you faced any safety issues personally.
They are multiple safety hazards to infants in general and my aim was to
find out if there is any major difference between the way Blind Parents and
Sighted Parents take care of their infants.
Okay, this explanation gives a better perspective, thank you. You are
right. Parenting is not that much different for blind parents than sighted
parents.
As for the question about the most worrisome part of raising an infant, I
was just aiming at the psychology of the parent and not attacking a problem
in any way. For example, several sighted parents replied with various
answers such as Communication Gap, Making sure they are healthy, Facing the
unknown, Night shifts etc. Hence, it was just a question to see how you as a
parent (irrespective of being Blind or not) felt while raising your kids.
I am sure you had some anxieties as well and that is what I was hoping to
understand.
No anxieties here, just trying to set the record straight. All couples,
blind or sighted, are going to look at parenting differently. For us, my
husband and I had been married almost six years when our first was born. We
were anticipating her birth and planning for it. Both he and I had been
working. Then he got a job with a much higher salary in a different state,
so we moved, and this allowed me to stay at home. So we had good
circumstances that allowed us to enjoy the process of having a baby and
raising her.
When pregnant with our second, we were getting ready to move again. BTW, we
did have a sighted friend's help as moving truck driver. My husband and I
did all the packing ourselves and hauling. My husband and his friend drove
the truck with our furniture, as we were again moving to another state, and
my toddler and I took a plane where friends met us at the airport, then met
up with my husband later. My husband had already found us a house, so all
we had to do was move in, which is a good thing, because I was sick with
being pregnant with my second. My husband was very supportive and very good
in caring for our girls when toddlers.
Nonetheless, I am sorry if I hurt your sentiments in anyway by making any
assumptions. But I am so glad that you replied as now I have a more clear
picture of my topic. Thank you so much for taking out the time to read this
long email and patiently reply to all my queries.
Never worry about asking the blindness questions on this list. People are
open and very glad to share. It is best to educate the sighted in any way
we can, and we are all willing to do so. As far as I am concerned, there is
no wrong question.
I am eagerly waiting for more responses.
To the other readers,
I would like to reiterate to the others that personally I strongly believe
that Blind Parents are 100% capable to raise their infants. I am just
reaching out to understand if there are any problems or not and want to
clear out any assumptions.
The following questions were sent out to both Blind and Sighted Parents and
in no way are singling out Blind Parents by assuming that they will
definitely have problems. These questions are to understand more about your
Psychology as a parent more than anything else.
*3. What are some of the other problems regarding safety that you facedwhile
raising your infant?4. What are some unconventional methods you use to keep
your infant safe?5. What is/was the most worrisome part of raising an
infant?6. What are some solutions you would suggest?7. Would you like to say
anything apart from the questions?*
Thank you once again for your valuable time.
Alomi Parikh
On Mon, May 15, 2017 at 9:09 PM, Judy Jones via BlParent <
blparent at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hello,
>
> Thank you for contacting this list.
>
> First of all, are you blind? I also take it that at your age, you are
> not yet a parent possibly?
>
> You are making assumptions too many times that others make, that the
> blind parents do need some sighted assistance. Not so.
>
> My blind husband and I raised two happy and healthy girls, who are now
> successful adults, and we had no outside sighted assistance. I will
> qualify that by saying that we have lots of sighted friends. We are
> very social, and our girls have been also. As a natural part of
> friendships, we would do things for each other. I would bake cookies,
> or watch other sighted friends' kids, for instance. The sighted
> parents might take my kids somewhere, because they could drive. But
> we also took our kids places on the bus. We did not have sighted help
> based on our blindness. We would do things for each other as a
> natural result of being friends and filling a need.
>
> We only used a baby sitter, believe it or not, once. Most of the time
> we hung with other parents who had kids, and we all would congregate
> in kid-friendly places, because we wanted to. We were very
> independent with our kids, using either cabs or buses to get them
> where they needed to go, and we took other sighted parents' kids with
> us, if their parents did not have the time or ability to drive them.
>
> To address your issues. Child safety is always of concern to parents,
> not just to blind parents. Providing that safety is not visual, but
> common sense. Again, you are making some underlying assumptions that
> are not necessarily true. Blind or sighted, you need to be aware of
> your environment, your child's environment, and be in tune with your
> child. We were aware of safety precautions we would need to take, and
> took them. A child who is choking is not going to just sit there and
> choke. He will be moving and showing other signs of distress, making
> some noises, breathing changes. Granted, blind parents cannot see
> skin pallor, but there are so many other symptoms that go along with what
is going on with the child.
> I'm
> speaking from experience.
>
> The answer to your second question is obvious. I would resolve the
> first-aid situation with steps that need to be taken at the time of
> the incident. It is good advice for parents to know CPR and take that
> and first aid classes that are offered in communities.
>
> The only unconventional things we did, but I got this idea from seeing
> a sighted parent do this, is we put bells on our toddlers' shoes so we
> could hear where they are. Another thing we did, if we called for the
> child and they did not respond, we would take it on ourselves to go
> find them. When we did, we would be very matter-of-fact and say
> something like, Oh, there you are, and not make a big deal out of it.
> We took control by finding the child ourselves, and not giving child
> the control to come to us when they felt like it. A great behavior to
> practice. By the way, I learned that one at guide dog school years
> before we had children. (smiles)
>
> Your next question, again, assumes there have to be problems in
> providing safety. There are not. The answer is prevention. There
> are priorities of providing safety. As a blindparent of a toddler,
> you cannot just sit in a chair, and tell toddler to come to you. You
> need to be on your feet with that toddler when he is exploring, when
> not by your side. That alone will eliminate a lot of safety issues.
> Your child is your responsibility, not someone else's.
>
> Any successful blind person becomes a problem-solver, and this is true
> of blind parents as well as sighted parents. We all do what we can to
> make any hazards nonissues by taking preventative steps in the first
> place and thinking ahead.
>
> Your next question, again you are assuming wrongly, in our case, that
> it was worrisome raising kids. It was not. It was delightful, lots
> of hard work, but we enjoyed it.
>
> Parenting skills have more to do with parenting, and not the fact
> that the parents are blind. I can tell you also from my experience of
> grown sighted kids that they will tell you the same thing.
>
> Judy
>
>
>
> From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Alomi
> Parikh via BlParent
> Sent: Monday, May 15, 2017 7:56 AM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Cc: Alomi Parikh
> Subject: [blparent] (no subject)
>
> Hello
>
> Respected Sir/Madam,
>
> I am Alomi Parikh, a 19-year old Design Student from MIT University in
> Pune, India.
>
> I have chosen to work with Parenting without SIght for a college project.
>
> While I strongly believe that Blind Parents are completely and wholly
> capable of raising their own children, society may think otherwise.
> However, I have researched and observed that while they are fully
> capable, they do rely on their sighted friends or family for certain
> reasons which curbs their independence slightly. I have also come to
> realise that raising an infant is the most difficult part and there are
multiple safety hazards.
>
> After extensive research, I have narrowed down the topic I want to
> work with as the following:
>
> Choking hazards are one of the most common safety hazards to infants
> (0-12 months). The symptoms of suffocation and choking are mainly
> visual symptoms.
> A totally blind parent, left alone with their child may find it
> difficult to diagnose this problem or may require the help of sighted
> friends and family.
> I want to work towards making them feel independent enough to realize
> what is wrong with their child and be able to take the necessary
> actions, by themselves or just like any other sighted parent.
>
> I would like to ask you a couple of questions regarding this and
> sincerely hope you can help and guide me through this.
>
> 1. Do you think this is a genuine problem? Is there anything you would
> like to add about this topic?
>
> 2. How would you tackle a situation where your infant is choking or
> suffocating but you cannot see the symptoms?
>
> 3. Would you like to be completely independent in taking care of such
> a situation? If you already are, I would love to know what kind of
> solutions or tactics you use.
>
> 3. What are some of the other problems regarding safety that you faced
> while raising your infant?
>
> 4. What are some unconventional methods you use to keep your infant safe?
>
> 5. What is/was the most worrisome part of raising an infant?
>
> 6. What are some solutions you would suggest?
>
> 7. Would you like to say anything apart from the questions?
>
> I am looking forward to a constructive and positive interaction.
>
> Thank you for your valuable time and help.
>
> Alomi Parikh
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