[blparent] Kids losing your things for you

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

My approach has always been about teamwork, as much as possible, instead of about fear and consequences. The reason is because I want to raise a child who isn't afraid to talk to me when there's a problem, and at nine years old, I still expect and get honesty about missing homework assignments, school troubles, spills in the house, issues with friends, etc. I want that honesty when the stakes are higher in the teen years. If I had used an iron fist approach--spanking, taking away toys, that kind of thing--when my daughter was three--I think I would have encouraged her to lie or hide the truth from me instead of the collaboration we have today. Not to say she never faces consequences for her actions--she's lost privileges such as screen time or going to the rec center for talking back or not doing homework--but she doesn't lose privileges for coming to me with a problem. There's a difference.

As far as your purse, it's one of the off limits things. It's easy to forget and leave it on your bed, but try to get in the habit of putting it where your daughter can't reach it. I have a hook up high by my door when I first walk in, and I always hang my purse there so I know where it is. My kid can reach the purse now, but she still doesn't touch it without permission. I taught my daughter from an early age that my purse was my space, and she couldn't get into it without asking me, period, just like my desk drawer and my computer. I respected her room as her space, as long as she didn't take food or drinks besides water in there. She had her space, I had mine. Mutual respect, even from a young age. She couldn't sprawl on my bed unless I was with her, I couldn't lounge on her bed unless she was with me. We built boundaries. They still stand. It was a process. I'd let her look through my jewelry box if I was right there with her, but not when I wasn't there. A series of teaching moments.

I hope you find your ID and club card. I had to replace my card twice when I lived in a condo. No fun.

Jo Elizabeth Pinto

“The Bright Side of Darkness”
Is my award-winning novel,
Available in Kindle, audio, and paperback formats.
http://www.amazon.com/author/jepinto

-----Original Message-----
From: BlParent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Tara Briggs via BlParent
Sent: Wednesday, November 29, 2017 3:07 AM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Cc: Tara Briggs <thflute at gmail.com>
Subject: [blparent] Kids losing your things for you

Dear fellow parents! I have come across a major problem and I don’t know. My oldest is three and she is the sweetest most adorable and kindest kid! One of things I love about her if she is so cute and generous with a one-year-old sister. There is one thing that she does that is driving me up the wall and I don’t know how to deal with it. She could send my things and loses them. The most recent example of this which is still a problem, and she took my purse off my bed got into it and know my state ID and key card to my condo clubhouse is missing. I hope and assume they are somewhere in my home. But as you all know, one of the problems with missing things as a blind person is if it’s not under your hand you don’t know where it is. What do I do about this problem? I have tried childproof locks on things and that is helpful to a certain extent. I have also tried talking to about it to her and telling her what her problem is. But when you’re three don’t always grasp long-term consequences and cause-and-effect. For example, I am hosting my family‘s parties for Christmas this Sunday at my clubhouse. If I had discovered this missing key card next Sunday afternoon would’ve been a huge problem. Fortunately, I have a friend in our complex and she’s going to lend me her club card. I really need to find a way to get a handle on this problem because is driving me up the wall! Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. There are some things in my life but Maria has just learned from an early age because I’ve been really firm about it that she doesn’t get to play with. For example she doesn’t play with my braille note or victor stream. And I think she realized after dropping my iPhone in the bathtub that’s off-limits to. But I can’t do it for everything in my life! I have told her over and over again that I need her to ask. And there are some things in my life I let her play with and enjoy and other things the answer is no OK, I think I’m starting to ramble. Hopefully you all get the point and some advice or commiseration would be more than welcome! When you guys had three-year-olds did they do this kind of thing? Kids really are amazing! She’s got plenty of toys! But apparently as human beings from an early age we love the charm of the off-limits.
Tara 


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