[blParent] Exhausted and frustrated

Sat Mar 9 01:22:09 UTC 2024

Hi, Michael,

I'm also an older parent.

I would disagree with you about the teething issue, only because of my experience. With our youngest, she mysteriously started waking up around 11:30 and staying restless until around #3 or 4. It wasn't a matter of wanting to stay up, just that she couldn't go back to sleep. Making the long story short, the teething tablets we came across did the trick and the problem disappeared. We're talking about the back teeth coming in with older babies. With our younger one, none of this happened. All kids are different.

We also never scheduled naps for either girl, but they did take them when they were tired, and we didk eep the bedtime schedule and other routines. Other than the random episode of teething, both girls were sleeping through the night when very young babies. Both were bristfed.

Another thing, we also never let them cry. As babies they started out sleeping with us, but when sleep patterns lengthened, gave them their own rooms.

Being a nursing mom, I'm thinking your wife's schedule may have been more demanding than you're making out.

Fast forward to preschool and school, both were eager to go, to try new things, have grown up to be independent and self-directed. And both seem to be raising their kids the way they were raised, and we're seeing confident, independent grandchildren develop. Jada is 36 with 2 children, and Sadie is 33 with 3 children. I love watching them both. I tell them they are my favorite reality show. They both "mom" differently, yet both are good moms with kids that listen.

Like you said, parents figure out what works best for them, and suggestions are just that. 

Judy
sent from the HIMS Android braille tablet

----- Original Message -----
From: Michael baldwin via BlParent <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Date: Friday, March 08, 2024 03:37 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List <blparent at nfbnet.org>
CC: mbaldwin at gpcom.net
Subject: Re: [blParent] Exhausted and frustrated

Hey Clayton,
You got to love email, missed the original post, and half the replies went to spam, but now that I've read it all I might as well give my two cents.
I'm a father of 4, 3 girls and 1 boy. Oldest graduates this May and youngest turns eleven soon.
So completely ignore me, I know nothing of raising kids. Besides, I have been known to tick some people off on this list and will most likely do so now.
Others have mentioned teething and ear infections, but if pore sleep at night is the only symptom, I would rule those out. And, you didn't say anything else about anything else.
IMO 6:30 is too early. Now if that is what is required to fit your daily schedule, than it is what it is, you can work with it.
As a baby gets older, they need less sleep. Make sure he isn't napping too much during the day. At that age, all of my kids were taking 2 1.5 to 2 hour naps, going to bed around 8 and sleeping until 6:30 a.m.
Regardless of what others may say, a routine is important. Don't care if your 6 weeks or 96 years old, we all like our routines.
If you do not have one, establish a bedtime routine. Warm bath, warm PJs, warm milk with some reading or quiet cuddling time, don't care what it is as long as it is calming, but have a routine.
After you put him down, make sure you are QUIET. If he wakes and hears noises that will peak his curiosity. Babies, heck 17 year olds for that matter seem to suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out).
If he is quiet when he wakes, do NOT go to him. 
If he cries, wait 1 minute before going to him.
After 5-7 days add a minute, extend it to 5-10 minutes max.
When you first go in, don't touch him for a minute, let him se you, sometimes that is all they need. If he quiets down, sit there and smile at him for about 5 minutes and leave the room. Do not touch him, unless you need to for his safety.
If your presence doesn't quiet him, start talking or singing softly, again, not touching him.
If that don't work, then you'll need to pick him up and soothe him with soft pats on the back, rocking, bouncing, etc. Best if you can do it without leaving his room.
When he quiets, put him back in his crib, or where ever he is sleeping.
Repeat as needed.
Make sure he is well stimulated through out the day. Plopping him in front of Disney Jr or Baby first TV in a bouncer, walker, ... wait, do they even sell those now days? Does not count. Sorry, I don't keep up on baby devices. I guess too many parents used those devices to do the parenting, and kids suffered for it.
Establish a daily routine as well if you can. Here is a summary of ours at about that age for an example. And yes, it worked with ALL 4 kids, even though they are different, have different personalities, etc.
6:30 woke up and had warm milk from the tap and cuddle time with mom before she left for work.
9:30 nap time
11 to 11:30 woke up, when this got to consistently an hour or les I switched to a 1 nap a day routine. I rarely let them sleep more than 2 hours, sick, quite rare for my kids, was about the only time.
Ate lunch, after waking. Helps program them to be hungry at that time, so it makes it hard for them to sleep longer unless sick. Works for adults as well. Anyone that eats consistently at the same time, and then misses that time knows exactly what I'm talking about.
2:30 nap time 2.
4 to 4:30, wake up time. Mom was usually home with some fresh milk.
8:00, bed time.
In between times was filled with snacks and milk as needed, crawling around, exploring, playing, anything to keep that little mind working.
Was it as perfect as it looks? Of course not, Let's face it, babies are manipulative little parasites that we love.
If there are no physical issues, and you want him to sleep, keep him awake all day. Won't be fun for either of you. Works great for resetting bed times, especially during these damn hour changes.
Speaking of hour changes, make sure his room is dark. We humans are biologically, or however you want to call it, connected with the sun. Might as well start screwing that up for him now.
Hope I explained stuff well enough for you and I wasn't too confusing with my ramblings.
Use the suggestions or not, you're the parent, only you can decide what is best for your kiddo. I'm sure some will consider my techniques torture, but as a parent, you will have to do stuff you don't' like doing to help your child learn and grow.
Providing some clarification on some things and other changes that he might be going through could help provide better suggestions.
Michael

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