[Colorado-Talk] Sports and Recreation at National Convention #NFB20move

[Jan Ahmed]

Hi Jessica,
Getting ready to join the Colorado talk.
Just some thoughts that I had brewing.
Sorry it is so long.




Hi Jessica,
    First, I want to say that, while I have had this reflective
moment, my husband has not. He tries to stay as nutral as possible
when it comes to organizations. He is not a joiner, by any means. So,
this is my journey and not his.


	I grew up in a small conservative town in a conservative state. …
Indiana… … and … no, I never met the Mauers until I met Matt in 2009.
I am the middle of three girls. My entire nuclear family can see. I
grew up being the outcast and inspiration, all at the same time. I was
entitled to some privileges that my sisters did not get, but not given
the rights that everyone deserved. I might get the largest piece of
pie or the choice seating at an event out of some misguided pity or
loyalty, but confidence to run my own household was not on my parents’
agenda. I might have been the smartest and strongest child they ever
met… at least this was their mantra several times a week … but neither
my mind nor my strength would make it possible to live a truly
fulfilling life ---- ---- unless I was the next Helen Keller and did
not aspire to anything more.
I went to a state run school.  Lots of people say: “If your parents
just kept you home and let you go to public school… … things would be
different.” They certainly would have. I would not have ever left my
state for anything, I would not have learned braille, I would not have
had the opportunity to participate in any extracurricular activities,
I would not have even known what a cane was, I would have had few
friends(at best) and no prospects. I would not have learned to do any
homemaking tasks on my own. I am not exaggerating. I spent the summers
at home. I know the world that I speak of.
	Don’t get me wrong, the state run facility (which by the way, had a
total of three blind teachers) fell short in lots of ways. But, I know
that my mother was just not equipped to take on the task of teaching
both student and staff, while also  advocating for my educational and
social development. I don’t hold any resentment toward my parents. You
do the best you can with what you know.
For the most part, I grew up in a state run facility. Again, I am  not
bitter with the staff. They did the best that they could, with the
knowledge they had. Some did better than others. And, let’s face it, I
had many more opportunities than I would have had, if I had stayed at
home. Yet... ... State run facilities and even boarding schools have
one thing in common. They are institutions where a specific set of
rules are enforced and where they seek to complete their task by
becoming a bit insular from the communities that are around them. I
was academically a bit above average. I played sports and dabbled in
music.  A white cane was forced upon me when I was a junior in High
School and although I took mobility lessons, the shame was never
addressed, so the lessons were not as productive as they could have
been… … and, of course, they were at least a decade too late. . I took
the  SAT test, once. College was talked about, but no plans were
actually made to get me there. My family wanted me to go to college,
but only because they didn’t know what else to do with me. I would
have been the first in my family to go to college.
	This is the part in the story where I tell you that I fearfully
started my academic journey, finally persevered and…  as the blind
person was the first in my family to go to college…. Applause, feel
good moment, the end…. …
except, that is not what I did.
I was afraid of going to college, so I found an easy way out. I got
pregnant, married, had four children, divorced and plunged into
government supported single-parenthood. I learned by trial and error
how to cook and clean for my family. I learned how to take care of my
children. Sometimes, I used half-witted ineffective strategies.
Sometimes I found or learned effective strategies either by trial and
error or encountering a couple of blind people to commiserate with. By
the time my children were teenagers, I had gone back to college to get
a batchlors in Social Work. I wanted to support my family.  I wanted
to get my masters, but thought that  job experience was more
important. So, I spent the next seven years sitting in a small town
trying to obtain employment.
	Moving to a larger city gave me a few more opportunities, yet was not
the panacea that I had hoped it would be. A friend told me about the
NFB. Yes, of course, there was that reputation that members of the NFB
were just rude radical people. Let’s be honest… some of them were/are.
I value empathy and compassion, thus, I didn’t really like that type
of communication style.   I admit, I was skeptical. But, a quick
analysis of the situation told me that , there were only two
organizations in Indiana where the blind seemed to be welcome and
inclusive participants . One had many more sighted members than the
other. Statistically speaking, I’d be better off joining the one that
had less sighted members. Admittedly, I did not do a thorough research
of other organizations that served or were comprised of disabled
people.
	In the NFB, there were blind people with jobs. There were lawyers,
vendors, EEOC employees, social workers, teachers, people who worked
at IRS and the social security office.  There were blind people making
decisions about what they wanted to do and then executing them. There
were blind people that seemed to care about many of the things that I
cared about. There were blind people hosting dinner parties, there
were blind people walking in 5k charities(that weren’t necessarily
blindness related), there were blind people hiking in parks. There
were blind people learning to canoe. there were blind people deciding
on the spur of the moment to go somewhere and enjoying their outing
with minimal fuss … … and just living life. It was not the
extraordinary mountain climber or the blind lawyer with a perfect
audiographic memory or the blind woman who traveled to every country
in the world, who caught my attention. Sure, these people were
enviable.  But, I knew that there were things that I wanted to do that
I was not doing. I was a little jealous. … not green-eyed-monster
jealous, but the kind of jealous that makes you evaluate your own life
and decide that you want to spend the rest of it differently.  So, I
joined the NFB of Indiana.
	They did not have any “blind parent,” organization, but they did have
a “parents of blind children,” division. I joined and because the
division was not that active, with much assistance from others, I
became president. I was excited. There were lots of things that we
were going to do. More parents started noticing the organization and
we grew!! The problem was, I felt more and more like a figure head. We
would collectively make decisions which would be overturned by the
sighted parents, at will. When in public and eventually in private,
they usurped any authority that a blind officer tried to maintain.
Also, I felt as if they were using their children as inspiration porn
pawns to fund raise. It is kind of a double-edged sword, a blind child
is in the newspaper, the nfb is getting publicity, yet, the over
arching tone is one of amazement at the blind child’s accomplishments.
When these two situations came to a head, I allowed them to have their
organization without further opposition. Afterall, I justified my
decision by admitting that this organization was really "parents of
blind children," and not "blind parents organization."
	Soon after, I would have a different type of challenge. Some of the
men in the organization had a problem with self control and
boundaries. The /ME TOO movement  was eight years away and  Prominent
women were enablers. Like so many women, I said little  and retreated.
Come on Women! We need to admit that these things are happening and
purge our organization from such cancers! Men, even blind men, need to
understand boundaries and when it is appropriate to move forward.
Everyone can benefit from a clear understanding of how power might
corrupt. Blind people are not immune from this corruption.
Anti-immigrant or maybe anti-Muslim  sentiment was also creeping into
the organization. It was only from a few members. Yet, even the more
liberal members would rather sweep these things under the rug than
address them full speed ahead.    … … I could not understand how
minorities could not transfer their experiences into empathy for other
minorities. And, the sentiment was that we are too busy fighting for
equality as blind people to be concerned with other discriminatory
issues. I had a problem with this approach because, not addressing
this type of discrimination, allows it to continue and grow until it
is no longer able to be ignored.
Some of my “not-so-independent” friends felt (with good reason)
bullied and harassed by some of the more prominent NFB members.
“That’s just how they are,” was the mantra for each and every
situation. The bullies would be described as being overzealous. This
did not give my friends an opportunity to learn and grow when they
were already excluded based on their knowledge or abilities.
What was going on here? Was this the same organization that I aspired
to? Weren’t blind people suppose to be more empathetic than the
average joe?(not necessarily Jo Elizabeth Pinto).
	I took a hiatus.  By that time, I was on my second marriage and would
have two more children before coming to Colorado.
	My eventual break with the NFB came when I felt that I was dismissed
and thoroughly thrown under the bus, after they promised to assist me
with an issue that I was having with the state and employment. This is
a  Sham, I thought.
	however, remnants of the NFB were still around. People who decide to
disengage with the NFB, do so for a variety of reasons. Maybe there
are disappointed that people of status did not advocate for them in a
time of need. Sometimes, people feel that NFB members are too close
minded and/or pushy. Some feel that they just don’t fit in or can’t
100%  align with the NFB philosophy.  But, that drive, parts of that
philosophy, these things still live on. Sometimes, they remain in
one's consciousness, to emerge later.
 	For NFB to have taken such a back seat, it was certainly quite a
topic in our house. NFB is not just an organization in my house. NFB
is one of those words that has taken adjective and verb form, as well.
	For example: if there are no braille menus in a restaurant, I will
often want to speak to the manager about this. My husband might chime
in with a warning, “Don’t be too NFB.” This means, "be cordial and
diplomatic when advocating. Don't embarrass me." Of course, this is a
negative type of adjective.
	If a well meaning stranger says to my five-year-old son,”Be a great
helper for mom,” and I say: “What do you think that he, at five years
old, can help me with? And, how do you think that I did these things
before he was born?” depending on my tone, my husband might tell me
that I was “NFBeing.” Now, NFB becomes a verb.  Of course, we are
involved in immigrant communities and when I am “NFBeing,” I must make
my points short and concise. Long explanations only serve to make me
feel better and are not the catalyst for any type of change.
I know what he means. He comes from Pakistan. He is passive. He does
things differently. He doesn't like to make those who he sees are in
authority feel uncomfortable. He doesn’t like the “in-your-face,” kind
of advocating; which, in all honesty, sometimes does and sometimes
does not get results. Don’t speak out in anger. Keep your cool. Just
ignore their ignorance. If you must respond, Respond with witt. And, I
admit, sometimes, I have seen NFB members who yell and scream for
something that they feel entitled to that they aren’t. And, even when
they are, even when a right has been violated, throwing a spontaneous,
disorganized fit rarely gets you what you want. Yet, I understand it.
There is … … and has been…. … that message that we, we blind people,
should be glad for whatever we get and not make a fuss. Far too many
times, we have remained silent and compliant. We want to say
something. We want to be heard. At the very least, we want others to
know that we do not accept their behavior and/or their portrayal of
us. Our response might not be eloquent. It might not be thought out or
thought provoking. Heck, sometimes, it might not even be coherent.
But, it is a start. And we must respect that. Advocacy is a process
and…. … sometimes, people are stuck at the beginning. I get that. I
really get that.
	Make no mistake, in this specific situation, this was a slur from
him. And, although I don’t think that every slur can be taken back by
the community and made into a good thing, “NFBeing,” just might be one
of these slurs that can definitely be redefined.
	When I am walking my first grader to school and a person stops me to
tell me how “inspirational” I am, I can’t just uncomfortably ignore
them and pass them by. I must kindly tell them “I am not comfortable
being your inspiration: your colleague, sure. Your peer, certainly,
your friend, Maybe. But, not your inspiration.” If I am chatty, I
might add that being your inspiration Doesn’t allow me to live my life
in all of its mistakes and glory. And, you are really missing the boat
if you can’t look past this for a possible deeper friendship…. …. But,
that’s on you and not me.
 I am not sure, was I just “NFBeing?”
	Was I NFBeing when I made a conscious effort to try to learn whatever
I could on my own, after moving to Colorado, because I know that
mobility lessons would take months to procure… … and there is a
library nearby, for goodness sakes. (lots of language resources and
free children’s activities) were there to be explored. Yet, I must
add, I always feel inadequate because it takes me twenty times longer
to learn a place than my husband. Some of us are more directionally
challenged than others…. …. That’s normal. Do I allow my inadequacies
to effect my life and my children's lives, especially when I might be
able to minimize those negative effects?
  Am I NFBeing when I join other organizations that I know will
marginalize me and not accept me as a full member as I try to make my
own voice and experience heard at every turn… …
	And, then, I come to Colorado. I wonder if there will be the same
political wars and back stabbing. I wonder if there will be the same
boundaries crossed, the same experiences, just repeated over and over
again. I admit, there are triggers.
	 I hear about the family preservation act. I regret that I was not a
part of it… … okay, I was not even in Colorado when advocacy was
taking place or when the law was passed. But, a twinge of regret
passes over me that I was not a part of something that was so dear to
my heart. This was so important. I missed an opportunity for my voice
to be heard. I was not able to add my voice and my experience to the
many other parents. And, wasn’t that what I wanted? Didn’t I want my
experiences to be heard, understood and to be the catalyst for
something better? I could blame the NFB for silencing my voice before,
but, what about now? It is one thing when others sideline your
contributions and voice, but wasn’t I sidelining my own contributions
and muting my own voice? Was I allowing the pain from past experiences
to plunge me into silence and inaction? What made the NFB more of
someone else’s group and less of MY GROUP? Why did I allow someone
else to tell me where I belonged or to critique me in such a way and
send a silent message that my contributions would be useless in this
organization?
	And, what about my experiences? How could I learn from them and make
decisions that would not render me in the same situation?I am not
blaming myself for my negative experiences with others. But, I am
allowing them to define where I will and won’t go or how I will and
will not advocate? And, as I allow those experiences to shape me, am I
and/or my sisters and brothers benefitting by the small area that I am
left to advocate within?
	sitting in the Colorado NFB general assembly in 2018, I realize
something. Our organization is a mirror of the same partially
functional organizations that are found everywhere. How can I judge my
own blind colleagues so harshly and not realize that they  are just
like the people in other organizations  in our country. This isn’t a
justification and/or excuse for their behavior. Rather, it is a
reality check that since this behavior is not unique to blind people,
it is highly likely that I will encounter such behaviors several times
within other organizations.   Look at politics. Look at colleges. Look
everywhere. Some of us work well together and some of us don’t. Some
of us are complete jackasses. Some of us are kind and generous souls.
Some of the members in this organization are misogynistic, and/or
racist, and/or anti-immigrant. Some are namby pamby liberal
socialists. Some of us get our news from Fox and some of us get our
news from NPR. Some of us… … dare I say it…. … are hard hitting, never
ending, whole-hearted trump supporters!  While , (gasp gasp) some of
us think that Obama was the best president ever! Many of us are in the
middle.
	Certainly, I should have stepped back. I should have taken a break
and re-evaluated my actions and my goals. Self care is so important
and I whole-heartedly believe that self care will help you be  better
at whatever you are doing!
	I am not minimizing my grievances with specific NFB members and my
situation as a whole. I am not second guessing the validity of my own
experience. But, to analyze my own experiences and conclude that I
should not engage is fool-hearty. Certainly, if I disengage, I don’t
have to deal with so much drama. Yet, look at the news today. Isn’t
this an unfortunate part of life?  By disengaging, I am allowing
myself to be silenced and others to write my narrative. . I must learn
from my experiences and not retreat from the fight, but fight with
more strategy and more precision.   I must ask myself Did I put NFB
members on a pedestal that they did not want to be on? I had forgotten
that “blind people,” are “just people.” I thought that the NFB might
be my safe haven and we, as blind people, had a special connection
with each other. While we do have a connection, we are all just
people. If I am going to advocate outside the organization for
equality --- in all of its intersectionality; then, why not advocate
inside the organization, as well. Okay, it is tiring. It is
frustrating and it makes the struggle one hundred times harder. Yet,
it seems that I only have two options. While not addressing these
issues makes it easier, it doesn’t make it more freeing.
 I realize that we are all blind and our advocacy is just “about
blindness.” But, I believe, (although it might not be popular) that
this minimizes the very thing that we have worked so hard to maintain.
Blindness doesn’t define us. It is just one part of who we are. I must
be free to be my entire whole self and that includes the parts that
might be difficult for blind people (just as it is for sighted people)
to understand. And, I must make space for those who believe radically
different than I. We use blindness as our common ground in which to
stand. Yet, we are all individuals. I believe that to stay silent is
to stay complicit. I believe it when we talk about civil rights,
religious issues, immigration, racism, LGBTQI issues, sexism, gender
issues, and yes, issues that effect us as blind people. I can separate
the goals of the organization and the personal goals of some
individuals. I can separate my beliefs from the organization’s
beliefs. I can analyze each point and decide whether this is a good
strategy for me.  I realize that some people are good followers and
need the NFB to tell them what/how to think. I also realize that I can
analyze these things and sometimes disagree… … and this does not make
me any less of a member. Because, I am still fighting for equality and
independence for blind people. Certainly, I am fighting for equality
by being an example. But, I am also fighting by using my voice to
expound on my own experiences and advocate for others in similar
circumstances.   	It would be easy for me to  retreat and distance
myself from the nfb, because I am disenchanted with many people’s
inability to transfer their feelings of discrimination and compassion
onto  the “other.”   It is so tiring to be the voice that speaks for
others and teaches those with more privilege,especially when people
say and do things that are both offensive and just plain wrong. But,
How am I supporting my sisters? How am I standing with those of color
who might experience racism within the organization? What are my
actions saying to my  Muslim comrads? What am I inadvertently saying
to the blind immigrants that come here to study and attempt a life of
liberty and happiness? What message am I conveying to my GLBTQI
friends when I have the privilege to speak, but stay silent?  How am I
being a voice for those who might not be the most popular or live on
the fringes of society? What example am I putting forth for those who
might feel wounded or cheated by the very organization that they so
dilligently worked to be a part of? Isn't there a place for these
people?... ALL OF US!? Am I being my true self when I compartmentalize
myself into blind issues and non-blind issues?     I must stay. I must
make my own space in this organization. I will no longer accept the
narrative that I do not belong based on others' narratives or
discomfort. I won't allow others to define who should and who should
not belong to this organization. We all are human. Our experiences are
valid and should be the catalyst for positive change. And, we all
belong!
I am a proud 51 year old Woman. I am a proud survivor of violations to
my body and my being.  I am a proud  democratic socialist. I am proud
to be in an interfaith  marriage(Universalist quaker and Muslim;
respectively). I am proud to be the wife of a Pakistani. I am proud to
be the mother of children of color. I am proud to be a worker. And,
none of these identities …. None of my activism around these
identities makes me less of a proud totally blind “NFB-er.”


On 7/9/20, Jessica Beecham via Colorado-Talk <colorado-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>  <https://zoom.us/j/92101955679>Hello Fellow Federationists!
>
> The National Federation of the Blind Sports and Recreation Division is
> pumped for a great #nfb20 convention. We have lots of exciting information
> to share. First, our business meeting/seminar will take place on Thursday,
> July 16 from 1:00PM-5:00PM Eastern. The agenda and Zoom information will be
> posted at the end of this email. Everyone is welcome to participate, but if
> you would like to vote in our convention, please pay $5.00
> <https://www.paypal.me/nfbsportsandrec>
> for dues and send your name, address, phone number, and email address to
> jbbeecham at gmail.com.
> https://www.paypal.me/nfbsportsandrec
>
> The Sports and Recreation Division decided to bring you content that you
> could access at any time day or night. Join our Facebook Group
> https://www.facebook.com/groups/176619816827189 for access to described
> workouts, meditations, family fun exercise, and much more!
>
> Join the #NFB20move challenge for your chance to win one of 3 Amazon Gift
> Cards valued at $75.00 each.
>
> Every morning the NFB Sports and Recreation Division will leave #nfb20move
> post. Comment on that post with your step count, calorie burn, minutes
> spent doing exercise, or just tell us what you did to stay active during
> convention that day. Every day you post about your activity, you will earn
> 1 entry into our drawing.
>
> If you post a video or picture (described please) of  you doing your
> activity you can earn a second entry for that day.
>
> For every described workout video that you create and post to our group you
> receive 5 additional drawing entries so describe your favorite workout and
> share it with your friends!
>
> Please use #nfb20move in your posts and post your movement information and
> photos/videos under the daily #nfb20move post. You can be as active as you
> want and earn entries to our drawing by moving each day!
>
> Drawing winners will be drawn and notified through FaceBook on July 19th,
> the day after convention.
>
> So remember,
> Register as a member
> Join our business meeting
> Join our Facebook Group
> Move during convention and tell us about it using #nfb20move
>
> *Sports and Recreation*
>
> *Annual Division Meeting*
>
> *National Federation of the Blind*
>
> *Thursday, July 16, 2020*
>
> *1PM-5PM EST*
>
>
>
> *Zoom Meeting Link *https://zoom.us/j/92101955679.
>
> *Dial In Number: *346-248-7799
>
> *Meeting ID: *921 0195 5679
>
> *One-Touch Dial: *346-248-7799,,92101955679
>
> *1:00     Introduction of the Board*
>
> *1:25     Opening Mindfulness Activity*
>
> *1:30     Treasurer's Report*
>
> *1:35     Elections*
>
> *1:55     Staying Active During the Pandemic Panel Presentation*
>
>             Amber Sherrard                      San Francisco Lighthouse
> for the Blind
>
>             Maureen Nietfeld                    National Federation of the
> Blind of Colorado/Colorado Center for the Blind
>
>  Kyle Hanneman                      Blind Incorporated
>
>  Linda Melendez                      National Federation of the Blind of
> New Jersey
>
> *2:30     Eating Healthy Panel*
>
>             Amber Sherard                       National Dietetic
> Technician Registered
>
>             Jessica Beecham                   M.S. Exercise Science
>
>             Maureen Nietfeld                    B.S. Lifestyle Medicine
>
> *3:00     Uniting Blind Runners and Walkers with Sighted Guides*
>
>             Chaz Davis                              Paralympian
>
>             Kyle Robidoux                         Ultra-Runner
>
> *3:15     Questions*
>
> *3:20     One Touch Self Defense*
>
>             Stephen Hanchu                     President, 1Touch Project
>
>             Mark Melonson                       Level 2 1Touch Instructor
>
> *3:40     Questions*
>
> *3:45     ReVision Training by Tyler Merren*
>
>             Tyler Merren                           Founder, Personal
> Trainer
>
> *4:05     Questions*
>
> *4:10     All About Aromatherapy*
>
>             Christella Garcia                     Licensed Massage
> Therapist
>
> *4:25     Questions*
>
> *4:30     Division Goal Setting 2020-21*
>
>             Round Table Discussion
>