[Faith-talk] I am in a great delemma

[Neil Vosburgh]

Hi everyone:  This is Neil and I am seeking some major advice.  My marriage is currently in what I call "disaster Mode" and primarily is my own doing, but I have a question.  Wouldn't you think that God would bring someone in to your life who you are excited about?  I realize many are "called to besingle but I don't believe that is the case for me etc.  I know of the scripture in the book ofGenesis where God said, "it is not good for man to be alone, and I have prayed all my life that He would bring someone whom I could love and care for.  Unfortunately, the truth is, I have never been excited about Debbie from the beginning but I simply said to God, Lord if you will do this for me I would be so grateful etc.  I was forty-two when I met and married Debbie and I have been with her seventeen years now.  To complicate matters, I have been attracted to other women simply because of the attractiveness of their voice etc.  I won't go in to any details here except to say, that I know that it is hurtful and very wrong what I have done to Debbie.  She says for instance, Practice your singing, but when I do, she simply tells me to be quiet, a slightly modified version of that statement.  She calls me everything but late to dinner etc.  What can I do?  I want to love and be loved by Debbie, at least on one level, but it certainly isn't happening.  I have a continual ache in my heart because I would like to experience the joy, love and intimacy of a lady who  could love me for who I am in spite of all my flaws, what the Bible calls "Sin.  Should I have remained as a single person?  Does God really desire for me his best as Jeremiah 29 Verse 11 says.  Please pray that God will help both Debbie and I work things out, or that He could bring a positive change, that is, that both Debbie and I find compatible mates etc, or that He change my heart so that I can love her.  I realize that both Psalm 14 and Psalm 63 paints the picture that there is indeed "No righteousness in us and that only God can cleanse and purify our hearts through the blood of Jesus Christ etc.  Thank you for hearing all my ramblings.  Have a great day and I hope that things are really joyful and happy for all of you, it certainly isn't currently for me.  Neil G. Vosburgh