[Faith-talk] blind sence child birth.

[Debby Phillips]

Hi, I hope you don't mind that I am replying to you privately.  It is true that I have a HUGE disappointment, and a lot of anger.  I am actually afraid that I can't find my way back to God again.  When I try and pray, it is like there is this terrible high wall that surrounds me, except for when I need something.  What a childish way to approach The Lord after all He has done for me.  But it's where I'm at right now.  When I try to read the Bible, my mind wanders away.  Interestingly enough, I have been reading two novels, In This House of Brede, which is mainly onbe woman's story as she enters a Benedictine monastery, and the other is about an Order of nuns called Bethanie and the life of a woman who comes out of a life of prostitution and joins the women of Bethanie.  I have no idea why I chose to read those particular books at this time.  

I must have some desire for The Lord deep iunside me because when Iset up my Pandora recently I chose several Christian stations.  If you don't mind praying for me I would appreciate it.    Blessings,    Debby

Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 3, 2013, at 10:47 PM, "Poppa Bear" <heavens4real at gmail.com> wrote:

> Thanks for your words Debbie, and sharing about that none who impacted your life in such a powerful way. You know I find that much of the time I become disappointed and disenchanted with the Church it is because of something that is going on inside of me. I can say I am trying to lean on the Lord, but if I am honest with myself during those times I feel that I am really harboring some disappointment inside of me, some sin or stubbornness. When I am right with the Lord it doesn't matter if there is ten feet of snow outside, I just want to be in a building where somebody loves the name of Jesus, where I can hear one sentence read from the Bible, one song sung together in public/corporate worship. At that moment, I want to show God how thankful I am for all the blessings I do have, I want to sacrifice my discomforts, inconveniences and all of my silly hang ups, I want to bring them to his alter, I want to bare my crosses. I want to be in a place where I know that somebody has had that encounter with the Savior, even if I don't talk to them, just to know that they have been at the same feet. Just to be in a place where there are hurting people, scarred and broken just like me, full of regrets, mistakes and shame that can only be taken away by the Blood, that is what I want the crystallization of my worship to consist of, that and so much more, things that I can't put into words, but things I don't get sitting at home fault finding my Lords bride. It is like we are all mother-in-laws finding faults with our Sons brides to be sometimes, there isn't any bride or groom good enough for parents, but through faith and love we press on and still give our blessings.
> 
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Debby Phillips" <semisweetdebby at gmail.com>
> To: "Faith-talk,for the discussion of faith and religion" <faith-talk at nfbnet.org>; <faith-talk at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Tuesday, September 03, 2013 8:35 PM
> Subject: Re: [Faith-talk] blind sence child birth.
> 
> 
>> Pospa Bear, you make so much sense.  I guess I'd like to just say that nobody except the Lord can judge whether a brother or sister is "on fire" for God.  One of the most "on fire" people I ever knew was a Benedictine nun.  She loved Jesus with all of her being, but she didn't make huge ripples in the world, and many of you would say that because she's Catholic she couldn't possibly be Christian.  But I watched her as she loved the other nuns in her community, as she loved me (she was one of my readers) but it wasn't just reading that she did for me.  She encouraged me when others didn't, she loved everybody.  She showed kindness when it would have been easy to be mean-spirited.  She just quietly went about her day, doing what she had to do.  She was in remission from cancer, and eventually she got sick again.  I visited her in her room.  It was a place of peace, filled with the Presence of God.  To my knowledge, she didn't protest anything, didn't go on the Internet and write petitions or whatever.  She just loved God and loved the people that God put in her life.  When she died, I know there were tears, but there was great joy, too.  I knew a housemother at the School for the Blind in Oregon.  She was a kind, loving, wonderful woman of God.  She loved the Lord and that love that she received from Him was poured out on us students.  She truly loved us.  Yes, she cared for us because it was her job, but it wasn't just "a job" to her.  She actually cared with her heart.  I know that many of my friends from that school who are Christians are so because of her.  So please, let's not judge each other about whether someone is "on fire" for the Lord, or not, whether someone is "interpreting Scripture truly".  Not even Bible scholars agree about everything.     Blessings,    Debby
>> 
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