[Faith-talk] blindness and faith issues question

Sun Dec 28 22:08:25 UTC 2014

How old are you Beth? Have you two considered any pre marriage counseling? I don't know any couples who it wouldn't have benefitted before marriage. Here is the bottom line, getting married is about 1% as hard as staying married so try and make sure that you two are on the same page by getting the advice of wiser heads. For me, marriage is like parenting, opening a business, or building a house, you need good examples, solid advice, good materials and a lot of support. Sometimes people end up getting married because they are just so lonely or because so many others are against them being together and then once they are married they find out that the solidarity that they had before the marriage has dissipated and then a lot of the charm of overcoming the odds goes away and they start having dangerous doubts about why they got married. In my two cents, knowing that you two have similar beliefs are one of the best foundations you can build upon to have a lasting marriage IMO. The differences that sometimes seem small  at first can grow into giant chasms down the road so try and be patient and really follow the Lord in this. If you find yourself trying to make excuses for certain things and arguing against things that you know are red flags thinking that they will go away, then be honest with yourself and know that if you go into this you are at least going into it with your eyes open and the reason I say this is because some people go into a marriage and then find out that they made a painful choice and start trying to manipulate God and his word to try and get out of the marriage and justify their desire to divorce their spouse. I remember hearing a preacher talk about a woman who would come to him and talk about how hard her marriage was and how she knew that she just needed to except it because we all had our crosses from God that we had to bare, but then the pastor got down right truthful and laid it out to her and said, "God didn't give you this cross, you chased that cross down, you hunted it, even when your family and friends to you that you were choosing a relationship that didn't honor god you still went after him, so don't tell me that God you gave you this cross." This is just a little story of what can happened and for those of us who are married we can probably see how true the story is and only hope that the unmarried can take advantage of the wisdom in it.

-----Original Message-----
From: Faith-talk [mailto:faith-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Beth Taurasi via Faith-talk
Sent: Saturday, December 27, 2014 7:59 PM
To: Ashley Bramlett; Faith-talk, for the discussion of faith and religion
Subject: Re: [Faith-talk] blindness and faith issues question

On that subject, I did maintain my purity.  We're however debating about having to live long term together due to two things: work adjustment, me being homeless, and having to move back home with family in Florida which would make our relationship impossible to have.  Blake doesn't want me near Florida and the good old boy network that seems to be ransacking things to help us get married.  We want to be married, but we are being told otherwise due to family issues with my end of the bargain.  The guardianship my parents had is still in effect, and if we get rid of it, we could lose a lot.  Fine.  But we have to live long term together with his family until we marry.  I see no reason to have a separate but "unequal" place for me and Blake to live.  We have to think about how we're going to remain close and save money at the same time.  
Florida is no option.
Beth

On 12/27/2014 4:02 PM, Ashley Bramlett via Faith-talk wrote:
> Hi,
> I agree with Chris here.
> Beth, its your decision. I would say no to living long term together. 
> But its just a week and you have good logistical reasons to live in 
> the same apartment for that time.
>
> So, whatever decision you will make or have made, I hope it worked out 
> and you maintained your purity.
>
> Ashley
>
> -----Original Message----- From: Christine Olivares via Faith-talk
> Sent: Thursday, December 18, 2014 9:35 AM
> To: Debby Phillips ; Faith-talk,for the discussion of faith and 
> religion
> Subject: Re: [Faith-talk] blindness and faith issues question
>
> Beth,
> As I have said, you should do what you feel is right. My husband and I 
> did live together before marriage with his mom, and yes, even slept in 
> the same bed. Oh dear! Well, we didn’t have any problems staying pure, 
> so I disagree that because you are in the same proximity you will just 
> start popping out babies. If you do have enough discipline you should 
> be fine. If you do feel you are going to be tempted, then have him 
> stay in someone else’s house.
>
> I honestly think people are just assuming it will be tough for you to 
> make your own decisions, and that you will be “tempted.” It depends on 
> how you value being a Christian, and I don’t say this as blaming you 
> but for your own self-examination. Are you a strict Christian or will 
> you do what is easier for you? Blake is staying for a week, it’s not 
> like he is living with you.
>
> I am more of an open-minded Christian in that sometimes you have to 
> think outside the box and not judge anyone at all. You need to do what 
> helps you and what is best for you. If you know you will be tempted, 
> do something about it. If not, then proceed as planned.
>
> You have many people who are giving you all different opinions, and no 
> opinion is gospel. So just take what everyone is saying and do what 
> you feel is right.
>
> Have a great day.
> Christine
>> On Dec 18, 2014, at 2:28 AM, Debby Phillips via Faith-talk 
>> <faith-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>
>> Beth, I hate to sound like a stick in the mud, but I think your 
>> pastor is right.  I know all the practical stuff, I understand.
>> There's a part of me that wants to say, hey, Blake should be able to 
>> stay with you.  But a bigger part of me says, no.  How long is he 
>> going to be in Denver? Would it work for him to spend the night at a 
>> church member's home? You see, I know how these things work.  Nobody 
>> ever "intends" to have sex.  But it's very difficult when two people 
>> are together in close proximity for it not to happen.  And Scripture 
>> and other spiritual writers talk about "the occasion of sin".  In 
>> other words, you need to not put yourself into situations where 
>> temptation can lead to sin. Your pastor is being just that, your 
>> pastor.  He is a wise man. Why not ask him if he has any suggestions 
>> as to what you could do so that you could enjoy Blake's visit without 
>> putting yourself in to a position where you might give into temptation?
>>
>> I have been in those situations Beth, and I have to say that I almost 
>> blew it.  Plus it's not a great witness for two Christians, male and 
>> female to be living in the same house. People will speculate and 
>> think that you had sex whether you did or not.  This is really not a 
>> blindness issue other than you need to make different arrangements.
>> And be thankful that you have a pastor who is looking out for your 
>> best interests. Blessings, Debby and Neena
>>
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>
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