[Faith-talk] update on my friend in Iowa

[Brandon A. Olivares]

Debby, yes you are right. But the manner you go about doing such is vital. Again I don’t want to discuss the specific situation because it’s been discouraged here, but simply the reaction. And the coldness and even harshness I witness just doesn’t seem loving. Again of course there is a right way of going about things, but no matter what, I think we all, Christians or non-Christians, are called to approach it in a loving way. I have no doubt that that’s exactly how you do it, because that’s the type of person you appear to be. But regardless, it’s something for us all to consider.

I’ll give an example, just to try to separate the discussion from its origin a bit. Christine and I know someone who we believed needed advocacy. His family told us that he was being refused services. Initially we went in assuming they were right and didn’t simply have blinders on. We tried to get him help, even got to know him on a personal level a bit. But as we did so, we got more information about that situation. He had a low IQ, so his educational requirements were quite different. The services he was attempting to receive wasn’t fitted to his circumstances and cognitive abilities. His family still refuses to see that, but so be it.

Anyway, point being, we still did our best to approach him and his family with love and concern. We explained the best we could the reasons he wasn’t meeting with success in the avenues he was pursuing, and suggested some alternatives. Sometimes we had to set boundaries, because he would call all hours of the day and night, and so that was something we had to deal with respectfully. But my point is, we didn’t just turn a cold shoulder. We got the information we had to, and proceeded accordingly, as objectively as we possibly could. And we set the limits that had to be set.

There are always two sides to every story, but neither side is generally totally unwarranted. Each side has its valid points. So we can’t just turn a cold shoulder and say that’s it. As civilized human beings, we need to help how we can and back off where necessary, all of it done as much as is possible with love and compassion.

Love has many different faces. Sometimes it is accepting. Sometimes it is rejecting. Sometimes it is sympathetic. Sometimes it doesn’t allow for excuses. But you can always tell what’s really underneath it all. That’s just my point.

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Peace,
Brandon

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> On Jan 19, 2015, at 11:05 PM, Debby Phillips <semisweetdebby at gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> Brandon, were you asking this of RJ or or everyone? I will tell you this.  I do, as a Christian believe in advocacy, but the person who needs the advocacy needs to be part of the process, ask me, or accept my invitation to help, but they must also be involved in the process.  Often when Jesus healed people he told them to pick up their mat and go home, or similar things.  Jesus once asked the man laying beside the pool at Bethesda, "Do you want to be healed?" That struck me as very interesting.  Because I think if that guy had said, no, I don't want to be healed, Jesus would have left him right where he was.  As it is, the guy said, "When the angels come to trouble the water I don't have anybody to help me into the pool." I believe in advocacy, but I do not believe that we should just walk roughshod over people's feelings and desires.  Now, when people have no voice, because they cannot even speak for themselves enough to say they want help, that's a little different.  I will tell you, without going into all the nasty details, that my husband's family is in the midst of just such a thing, and I'm involved in it as much as I can.  If I had my way, I'd be doing some face to face confrontation, and I'd probably mess everything up.  Sometimes you have to be careful about how you do things.  I can't just go in with guns blazing (not literally).  But you know what I mean.  And I might make things worse by doing so.  So I'll do what I can in the background, and if I feel that the time has come to confront, I will.  But for now, I'm letting the process go forward in a legal manner.    Peace,    Debby and Neena