[Faith-talk] {Spam?} The Strength of Kindness by Naomi Zacharias

[Paul Smith]

The author is either the husband or daughter of the better-known Ravi 
Zacharias who has a syndicated daily Christian radio program called 
"Let My People Think." I hope that you will enjoy her article.

I am a country girl at heart.  I love the city with its bustle, 
skyscraper views, hotdog vendors and tailored trench coats.  But 
recently I have been reminded that the old oak trees, rustic fences, 
acres of pasture, daffodils, easy smiles and cowboy hats of the South 
are ultimately for me.  A good friend asked what I would be doing in an 
unrealistic life.  (She admitted she would be a ninja, so that explains 
the creative bar we were asking for).  Several days later when I was 
listening to one of my favorite singers, Willie Nelson, a smile came to 
my lips.  I told my friend, I would be a classic country singer, 
wearing weathered jeans and antiqued brown cowboy boots with a 
smoldering bluesy voice like Lily Meola, singing a duet on stage with 
my pal Willie.

One thing I love about country music is the storytelling.  I was 
listening to an artist I recently discovered as she sang the story of a 
horse with a wild and wounded spirit, rendering her no friend to any 
rider.  Until one day a man from another town came to visit and tried 
something no one had.  He sat quietly nearby, but no further.  He 
offered her space, and he waited.  Eventually the bruised mare 
hesitantly moved toward him.  He assured her he wouldn't hurt her and 
reached out his hand.  The mustang lowered her head and her guard, and 
thus began their journey together.

It is a simple country kind of song, but a complex reality.  It is a 
story that reminded me of my own.  I haven't written about this before. 
In part because some things I carry close to my heart out of respect 
for the sacred--either mourning something lost or celebrating something 
won, for both travel to profound depths within the soul.  And in part 
out of reverence to the gift of privacy that we are all growing ever 
closer to forgoing entirely.  I share now purposely and with due care 
and respect for the details that will stay in the recesses of my heart, 
appropriately sheltered.



Fixing the Broken

I was the daughter of a public leader in ministry.  I was full of hope, 
anticipation, and naievety.  I experienced the death of divorce twice 
before I was 30.  I was broken.

Several years later I traveled to Italy to write a book.  I had come to 
terms with the life I had, though it was not the life I wanted.  The 
experience of knowing hope that lands in demise, the profound sense of 
failure to succeed in something I deeply valued was a painful reality I 
still wished I could change.  I did not seek love again.  Yet through 
some seemingly random but divine events, I met someone who changed my 
life and the way I saw my life.  There is a significant difference 
between the two.  One is something he offered, the other is something he gave.

Today I was driving my little boy to school, and we were talking about 
heroes.  He asked me what a hero was, and I said it was someone who 
does something extraordinary, something right and courageous and to 
help other people.  "Who can you think of is a hero?" I expected him to 
name someone from _PJ _Masks, a favorite program about children who 
turn into superheroes.  My son looked out the window thoughtfully and 
then he said, "Daddy."  I smiled and asked him what he sees in his 
daddy that is heroic.  "He fixes things that are broken," he answered.  
Yes, he does.

I do not mean it in the sense of a Hollywood script, where one person 
"fixes" another, because that really doesn't happen.  But a person can 
have the tremendous ability to influence another toward faith and hope, 
to fan the flame of an innate desire to choose to walk toward healing.



Handled with Care

There are hundreds of things I could tell you about my husband.  What I 
have chosen to share here is a trait we underestimate.  It is 
frequently overlooked and misunderstood.  In a world growing ever 
cruel, it is a lost art.

My husband is kind.  And that makes him exceptional.  He chose to stand 
nearby in the field of my world and sorrow, somehow able to see the 
ghost of a spirit that once lived and the fiery fear that currently 
reigned and needed to be handled with care.  His kindness stirred a 
frozen place in my heart that had lost hope--in my story, in love, and 
in myself.

When we got engaged, many people commented on how lucky I was.  They 
likened him to a "kinsman redeemer," willing to take my past upon his 
back and extend a gracious love with an understood "in spite of." 
Admittedly it did not feel good.  While I generally agreed with a layer 
of that perspective, I had the distinct feeling they saw him as the 
better person willing to love the lesser person.  Here is the reason 
why our relationship has lifted me toward healing rather than falling 
into the pitfall of shame:  he has never once made me feel that way.

My husband has treated my story and my bruises with kindness.  His 
intellect is sharp, and he could benchpress our family (I know this 
because he actually has done it, accompanied by the thunderous laughter 
and sheer delight of our handful of toddlers).  He carries physical and 
intellectual strength with the capacity to overwhelm me, but he chooses 
to use such strength to care for my heart.

A friend recently showed me an article written by Gary Thomas with 
recommended traits to look for in a spouse.  The first on the list is 
kindness.  I hadn't seen this before.  Perhaps we have forgotten or 
neglected its power, influence, and saving grace.  This messy journey 
called life takes us through the exciting, the mundane, the beautiful, 
and the wearisome.  We need kindness in them all.  It continues to 
provide a balm to the cracks in my spirit, both old and new.  No, I 
will never be without scars, but kindness has provided an unexpected 
luminosity to the previously sharp and angry lines of the breaks.



Bolder Than We Think

A few years ago I was enjoying dinner with friends.  I described my 
husband's parenting as kind.  It was a compliment.  I am grateful every 
day that the father of my children treats them with care; he would 
rather manifest his strength and authority in grace than through 
consequence.  To my surprise, a dinner guest swiftly and strongly 
scolded me for publicly emasculating my husband.

Is it possible that in our earnest desire to protect against a 
legitimate concern for emasculation, we have overreached? By no means 
does kindness imply a lack of strength.  On the contrary, it takes 
self-control to resist the impulses of our humanity and choose 
compassion, not merely when things are pleasant but when they are 
downright hard.  It takes intention to extend a hand in the face of 
conflict.  It requires maturity to offer kindness with sincerity rather 
than in manipulation.  It takes wisdom to know what makes kindness 
distinct from passivity, for there is a grand difference.  It requires 
discipline to demonstrate this throughout your life.  It takes strength 
and confidence to put another's well-being before personal interests.  
Kindness is critical to extending a love that enriches, emboldens, and 
endures.  That is both masculine and feminine enough for all of us to 
admire, seek, and cultivate.

Through kindness the Kenites succeeded in saving their very lives; it 
so impacted King Saul that he warned the Kenites to flee so they would 
not be destroyed when he attacked the Amalekites (1 Samuel 15:1-6).  
Rahab's act of kindness won her the loyalty of Joshua's spies, leading 
them to declare "our life for yours even to death," and promising to 
show the same kindness to her family in the wake of battle (Joshua 2).  
Kindness is the second attribute listed for love in the famous passage 
of 1 Corinthians 13.  It is named throughout Scripture as an attribute 
of God Himself, including the beautiful Ephesians 2:5-7.  "Even when we 
were dead in our tresspasses, God made us alive together with 
Christ--by grace you have been saved--and raised us up with Him and 
seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in 
the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in 
kindness toward us in Christ Jesus" (English Standard version).

Perhaps kindness is bolder than we think.  To everyone seeking a hero, 
a partner, a friend, I would suggest that kindness makes the difference 
between a relationship that is life-giving and one that can leave you 
with wounds that long for healing.

My husband is a hero.  Because he can hold and behold things that are 
broken.  Because he knew even what couldn't be fixed could still be 
loved and valued.  He has that kind of kindness, that kind of vision.  
This has added beauty to my story, affecting the way I live with all of 
my story.  It is helping this horse think I could run, and some days, 
be brave enough to try.

(And there you have today's uplifting article which I hope was a 
blessing for you.  Until tomorrow in this space when another timely 
article will be posted, may the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob just 
keep us safe, individually and collectively, in these last days in 
which we live.  Your Christian friend and brother, Paul