[Faith-talk] Relationship issues

Thu May 11 04:16:10 UTC 2017

Hi all,
David Moore here. I must tell you how Jesus Christ brought me to Traci my wife. I was born with enough sight to ride a bike, see colors, and to read very large print. I have had light perception since I was 15. I am now 51. At 21, I had a 9-month serious relationship with a totally blind girl. I realize we were totally wrong for each other, because she had blind Christian faith, where I was really searching and had not yet become a Christian. I studied the Bible and knew it well, but I still had questions, and Lin expected me to just believe it because the Bible says so, so we parted ways. I was friends with a lot, of mostly sighted women. Many of these women thought I was too good for them to date. They would say something like you’re a nice teddy bear, and I do not want to ruin our friendship. You are like a sweet brother and friend, they would say. They always complained to me about their abusive boyfriends. I would say to them that they should try one date with me, and there would be no strings attached. They would not go for it. All these women friends did was to complain about their boyfriends to me LOL! My second relationship was between the time I was 26 and 28. We talked about marriage. She was sighted. Her mom would tell Mindy all the time that I could not provide for her and all of that. Her mom would barely talk to me, and she told Mindy to break up with me all the time, just because I was blind. Her mom would not even give me a chance. She started coming around a little bit, but I started getting tired of Mindy being so dependent on her parents. She was 30 at the time, and she went and cried to her mom and Dad everytime we had an argument. She had been so sheltered in a Christian home, and she had not experienced the world like I had. Before I became a Christian, I got wasted in college, partied, and was very rebellious against my parents. Mindy had not gone through any of that. We had totally different childhoods, and we grew apart. I never married her; and if I had, we would had divorced, I just know it. I told myself as a teenager that I would date someone for four years before getting married, because of my mom and dad’s marriage. Mom said that she had hated dad for years, and never wanted to see his face. Mom talked to me about her hate for dad, and said she would kill herself. She threatened to kill herself a lot, and said it was because she got married. Mom told all three of us boys to never get married, because we would havehell on earth like she did. She told all of us to just shack up with a woman and never get married. I knew that was not right, because a neighbor began taking me to church when I was 15. I knew that something was different after a few times of going to church, and I knew there had to be a god to create all that is and on and on. Well, back to Mindy. I broke up with her, because our childhoods had been so different, and she ran to mom and dad over anything. So, I had broken up with two women by then who I had talked about marriage with. I knew these were not the women the Lord wanted me to have as a wife. I was not even a Christian yet. I had a third relationship, but it was not right either. Then, I met my wife Traci. I became a Christian shortly after we started dating. Listen to how we met. I was with a sighted friend, and he wanted to finish his coffee while we were at the bus stop. We let two busses pass by, and we boarded the third bus. Traci lived at the other end of town than I. Her car had broken down, and she happened to be on that bus. Now, she had heard me on the radio. I played a Bible Trivia show every Thursday night at 1:30 in the morning. One night, Traci turned on the radio and flipped the dial looking for something to listen to. She ran across this Bible show that I called in to play on, and she heard my voice on the radio and thought I was very spiritual and full of joy. She kept listening to the show every week, and then there I was on that bus that day. Her car had broken down, and she was at my end of town. She heard my voice as I talked to my friend, and she knew it was the guy she listened to on the radio every week. I really felt the Lord had told me, even before becoming a Christian, that I should wait until after marriage to have sex, because it would be so good if I waited, and that was the right think to do. I had gone to church since I was 15 as well. So, I met Traci on that bus, and I gave her my phone number, because her phone had not been put in yet. She had just moved. She called me back three days later, and we talked for nine hours. It was like we had known each other for our entire lives. Guess what? My blindness never came up in that entire conversation. Traci is totally sighted, and my blindness is nothing to her. She had a bad childhood like I did, Became a Christian after much rebellion, and she was very independent and determined to assert herself. LOL! This quality had been missing in all of the other Christian girls I dated. They had all been sheltered in church their entire lives, and new nothing about the world, or different kinds of people outside their small circle. But Traci was totally different. She had been in the mud, and had Called out to the Lord, and she had gone through a lot before she got close to the Lord, just like me. Well, I finally became a Christian after going to church for 18 years, at the age of 33. I had been in every faith circle there is. I had studied everything. But Jesus finally showed me that he is the only way, and Traci is the same. Both of us are so strong in our faith, because the Lord has brought us through hell on earth, and we are still fighting to this day. We have really gone through a lot since we met in 1997. I could go on for days in this message, but I want to leave you with a few thoughts. One:
I waited until I was 31 before I met Traci, and I was not looking for anyone. I was happy with my life the way it was, and I had a lot of friends. The number one goal in my life was not to get married. I would have waited until I was 50 to meet the right woman to marry! I believe the person you should marry should love God more than they love you. Also, a person needs to love him or herself before they can love anyone else. A person needs to be in total acceptance of their blindness. When I met Traci, she was totally sighted, and she hardly talks about my blindness. I mean, it hardly comes up until I need her help for something that I cannot see. We joke about my blindness. I laugh with friends about being blind and how fun it is. Did you hear that? I think being blind is exciting, because I can talk to many more people about the Lord. Everyone wants to talk with me on the street, and I take advantage of that, and talk to them about where real happiness comes from. I tell them that it does not come from what the eyes can see. When Traci and I are together, people tell us that we look so happy and full of joy. We married in 2002, and we are coming up on 15 years of marriage.
Well, I better stop. I am sorry if I have written way too much here. Take care, and have a great one.
David Moore
Sent from Mail for Windows 10

From: Kevin LaRose via Faith-Talk
Sent: Wednesday, May 10, 2017 9:15 PM
To: Faith-talk, for the discussion of Blindness in faith and religion
Cc: Kevin LaRose
Subject: Re: [Faith-talk] Relationship issues

I absolutely agree that this is a topic that isn't discussed nearly enough and needs to be discussed more. Having said that, I wonder if this is the proper venue for such a discussion. While faith and relationship issues are undeniably linked, topics such as this one have the potential to go seriously off the rails. Sadly, I've seen it happen. That is up to the discretion of the moderators, of course, but I will put in one nugget of wisdom I've learned in my 52 plus years of life on this mortal coil. Whatever you do, always be true to yourself. Once you change because that's what you think the other person wants or needs you to, you've gone a long way toward losing the battle. Again, I speak from hard experience here. Best of luck to you.

Kevin LaRose
Anderson, IN
Email: kl1964 at icloud.com

On May 10, 2017, at 6:38 PM, Ericka via Faith-Talk <faith-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:

Sorry for a long reply! Sometimes I think this will bring on more questions then it will answer anything. Remember one of the fruits of the spirit of patients so let's all work on this now…

Bill, you bring up an interesting topic of which I agree does not get discussed too often. I guess perhaps people can share more testimonies of how they found their sweethearts. Not everybody is married here and this is probably a topic that should also be brought up in training centers during seminar time or philosophy class as well as in conventions etc. As the faith connection goes, most Churches teachings see family and marriage is something very sacred and not just a right of passage. I wonder if there are people out there who feel like they are outsiders just because they are not able to seek out decent people and fullfill their Faith by adding to the cloud of witnesses or however you want to state it. Personally I have no love life advice! I was one of those lost souls that never dated but had guy friends until almost 30. That didn't go so well and after 15 years of marriage we parted respectfully. He had perfect vision if he wore his glasses.  I met him through campus ministry. If it was not a long-distance relationship we probably never would have dated so long or married.  I don't know what the answer is to your great question Bill! Aside from your concerns I think it may be a societal problem that we are stuck in the middle of too. There's the Blind/sighted debate I will leave be. 

I'm just very happy to have found the right one at 45 and he just happens to be totally blind now. I say now because when I met him when we were teenagers he had more visual than I did – 20/100 in the best eye. For me as was stated, for a girl it's how you live out your faith, what's in your heart, and how you treat others in your family that matters more than anything else. How you treat family and others tells us how you're going to treat us in the end.

Anyone else have some faithful thoughts? Perhaps some scripture?  I know some church cultures kind of help people match each other up – that courting concept. Has anybody in a church where that goes on then supported in finding a helpmate? Is there any societal or spiritual rules anymore for dating? Sometimes I wonder! My mother freaked me out or year or two ago by saying she didn't care if I shacked up with someone as long as they treated me right. Her take was that the federal laws didn't support us being married and she wanted us to be able to pay the bills. She said lots of senior citizens doing the same thing. I really don't like the concept of shacking up, but God knows the nations rules too. How does one  honor faith, family, & the call to be Partners with someone God has given you?

Ericka Short
1750 Fordem Ave. #508
Madison. WI. 53704
608-665-3170

from my iPhone 6+

> On May 10, 2017, at 12:12 PM, Bill Outman via Faith-Talk <faith-talk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Good day, folks.  
> 
> 
> 
> I know the list hasn't been very active of late but there is something I
> need to explore with all of you to see where it goes.  
> 
> 
> 
> I am concerned in general about the difficulties we face as blind and
> visually impaired people when it comes to seeking romance, how to go about
> it and how to know if a particular relationship is potentially viable, and
> the ground rules, if any exist, for behavior within such a potential
> relationship.  
> 
> 
> 
> I would appreciate your thoughts, experiences and prayers on this matter.  
> 
> 
> 
> It's something that has caused great frustration, as there seems to be
> sparse attention paid to this issue.  
> 
> 
> 
> By the way, if any of you ladies would like by any chance like to explore
> with me where something could go, please get back to me off list and we'll
> touch base.  
> 
> 
> 
> Bill Outman 
> 
> Daytona Beach, Florida 
> 
> Email: woutman at earthlink.net 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ---
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