[Faith-Talk] concerning me serving and bit of my story

[andrew edgcumbe]

Hi as i almost started to reply again i realized that the subject line
did not reflect my stuff what a fool i am as i want acerate subject
lines. so trying to do what we w told to do. Anyway getting into what
I said in the other emails. I think I will put some of my story or my
story.  Anyway before i talk about my struggles actually they might
end up within my story. it might be shorter then some will see. Anyway
I was born in a Christian home. I  at that time had some site but I
lost the rest of my sight at the age of 11. I  lost rest of my site at
age 11 due to retnal detachment.  after that i couldn't see colours i
could see nothing at all. I did ask the lord into my heart around age
13. I also did that when I sat in bedroom with my mom when i prayed
the sinners prayer and asked him in.  I did end up not really praying
or paying much attention to scripture or prayer   some time after
that. I  did come back running back to Christ after that.  I asked the
lord redeadicated my life back to christ actually. I actually  after
that got baptized  and around the time of my baptism I  was going to a
school for the blind I didn't have an easy time of it when I went to
the school for the blind the year and a half i was there.  had hardest
time with room mates. and just being bullied and things. I never was
bullied much until i went to the school for the blind in Brantford.
So i did finally graduate from school for the blind  which i was so
glad to be able to do.  After that I did go through a month or two
month employment program i did get a small job at a furniture factory.
I actually ran into struggles then even one night I felt really down i
felt like I had no real friends I had thoughts of wanting to end my
life.  but no  plan to do anything though.  but anyway a person who i
had been talking to that night  reported me to the police and the cops
came to check on me to make sure i was safe. I did go  into counciling
actually. I  had something happen to similar affect happen 2 or 3
years later when somebody from the blind community was involved who
called cops that is but anyway I have had allot of struggles fitting
into church over  all i could go to groups bible studdies or sunday
morning stuff but it was problematic when it comes to those serv
letting me serve there were times pastor almost gave me that glimmer
of hope when it came to serving then was not long before that was
taken from me as he brought up my blindness. even recently i was
talking to somebody who is blind who said that pastors can be hezatant
on letting the blind serve.  I have been excluded from certain
activities when people get into clicks. Friendships is something I
have really needed. I was told by some i needed a healing and that the
devil stole my sight.  I also have had experiences where even some
places  i tried to vollunteer at wouldn't let me even. I do live in a
small town. Anyway just september 2019 I had another issue i got
talking to somebody i may have said i was going to give up but can't
recall what i said but at 1 30 the police had showed up to my place
now let me back track before i we go any further. I used to live with
my parents.  in 2016 I  moved into town and get bit of help from some
support staff but for most part i am fairly independent although i
have desire to do even more independently for myself. but anyway cops
came around 1 30  in the morning. I  got knock from staff and in came
the two cops behind him first off staff said are you feeling okay and
then he said somebody is here to see you was his words. Anyway  they
talked to me for a bit but anyway my building soupervisor came to chat
with me the next morning.  My life has not been easy.  I been
searching for stuff and often what I been feeling is like something is
missing in my life. when it comes to friends or something like that.
I  am trying to find my purpose in life and it has been hard. I  been
needing some sort of purpose in my life and stuff like that and need
ways of  vollunteer and  things i can do as i need things i can do so
I can be both fophiled and things to do that have a purpose to them.
I have not parked myself in a particular church and i really unsure if
i really fit in any church at all it often feels that way to me
anyway.  and it is like people can't help me be involved in a sence
and i don't get anywhere when i bring it up. as I said i live in a
small town so it can be much harder to find things to do and small
tons may or may not have much.  As i said I really going to church to
church sort of in a sence as i have trouble finding some sence of
belonging as i both want to serve and want to be around or have
connection with christian people my age. I am 32 years old.  and i
want to connect with people my age.  i been searching for answers and
searching for needs of mine at timeas actually quite often I feel
restless and stuff like that.  I  am connected with canadian nfb
canadian version but i have not gotten anywhere with them it is kind
of hard when somebody isn't here to know how to help me inless they
are there near me.  There is no blind groups in my area that get
together and stuff like that.  Thanks for letting me share.