[Home-on-the-range] This is something I came across online, and I wanted you all to read it.

Sat Dec 10 22:22:01 UTC 2016

The following is a cut and paste from the blog of a lady online: 

I will post the link below the article.

One thing I've noticed over the years, particularly as it comes to
interpersonal dynamics, is the idea that my life with a disability is so
hard. I frequently encounter perceptions of strangers that I am unable to
cook a meal
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2015/03/06/youll-burn-the-house-down-this
-blind-girls-guide-to-cooking/> , hold down a job
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2014/09/10/employment-perception-and-real
ity/> , or raise a family, all because of my disability. Then there's the
confusion about what disability I actually DO live with every day. I, a
blind woman, am perpetually told that I MUST need the elevator, rather than
the flight of stairs to which I was asking directions. My friends who are
deaf or hard of hearing have frequently told me of their experience of being
spoken to in very. slow. and. measured. words - complete with sweeping arm
and hand gestures - or having written conversations in what amounts to
broken English because of the perception that they do not understand
complete sentences. I've witnessed a friend in a wheelchair being spoken to
like a small child, rather than the competent adult she is, simply because
she is seated and therefore shorter than most adults.
Do you know what all this has in common? It's someone else's discomfort
around disability. and not the challenge of disability itself. Most of us
with disabilities have reached a place where the tools of disability are
second-nature to us - how to navigate the world, prepare food for ourselves,
take care of our bodies. We realize that many people haven't gone through
Disability 101 (a seemingly mandatory course in the school of Disability
Acceptance that sometimes takes months, sometimes years to master), and
we're generally understanding of mistakes along the way. What doesn't seem
to make sense to us is the idea that a non-disabled person's job is to make
our life "easier" or "better." Not only that, but the perception is that
it's up to the non-disabled person to decide what we require - a seat on the
bus, a spot closer to the front of the lineup, an elevator instead of stairs
- frequently putting us in situations where we have to firmly make our needs
known because we were never asked in the first place. This then causes the
"well-meaning" non-disabled person to call us ungrateful, rude, abrupt, or
pushy for simply asserting our autonomy
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2016/01/23/on-personal-autonomy-no-means-
no/> . because, after all, they "meant well
<https://wheresyourdog.com/2015/05/22/but-i-meant-well/> ." We often are
forced to have nerves of steel, to bottle up feelings of frustration and
anger, not because our disability is so hard, but because it's so exhausting
being used as a "teachable moment
<https://profoundmetamorphosis.wordpress.com/2016/11/05/a-blind-woman-enters
-victoria-secret/> ", or having to assert our desires and rights to work and
play and access the same facilities that are so often taken for granted.

But you know what/ I've discovered? I can have nerves of steel, I can
advocate perfectly for myself, I can say all the right things with a perfect
tone. and I STILL am misunderstood. I hate that I have to write this,
because admitting it means I need something from you. It actually IS your
job to help make my life easier, and that of other disabled people in your
sphere of influence. But you don't get to pick and choose what would make
our lives easier. In a beautifully eloquent post
<https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154883832719924&id=698144923&
ref=m_notif&notif_t=feedback_reaction_generic> , my new friend Chris so
eloquently wrote about the things that are easy - opening doors, giving us
your place in line, offering your seat on the bus. In reference to the big
things, the important things, the things that include us in society (work,
education, opportunity) ". you'd gladly give me a seat on the bus, but how
would you feel giving me a seat on the Board?"

What we want from you takes work on your part. and yet, it, too, is easy.
It's letting go of your perceptions and allowing us to be human beings, with
the same hopes and dreams and desires and weaknesses
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2015/09/13/im-a-bad-_____-but-its-not-bec
ause-im-blind/>  that you have. Would you like to be the only person sitting
in the living room during Christmas dinner preparations, twiddling your
thumbs, offering to help
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2015/04/03/holidays-the-culmination-of-lo
wered-expectations/>  and being told no, just sit there and look pretty? It
happens to disabled family members all the time, and when we attempt to
insert ourselves, it becomes an argument that ultimately makes everyone
lose. Would you like to be told that you can
<https://wheresyourdog.com/2015/08/28/dont-be-fooled-love-hasnt-won-yet/> 't
get married to the love of your life? It happens to disabled couples all the
time - either due to meddling family members or frustrating bureaucracy.
Would you like to be told that your work experience is perfect but then get
told that the company hired someone else, but that you're so "inspirational
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2016/01/31/your-inspiration-doesnt-pay-my
-bills/> " for showing up? I have lived this and witnessed this
unprofessional
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2016/10/21/an-open-letter-to-potential-em
ployers-i-have-a-disability-and-i-expect-your-professionalism/>  attitude
over and over again. How about stating a preference for certain activities
and being told that it's "so stereotypical" or too outlandish. for YOU, not
for anyone else. Yep. lived that, too.

This is the big stuff, the stuff that makes life textured and complex. It's
frustrating that my own autonomy is so dependent on a non-disabled public
listening and learning and letting go of their preconceptions. It's
frustrating that being treated with dignity and autonomy and respect, being
provided with helpful information the first time we ask, being listened to
when we politely self-advocate is the very rare exception to the rule. I've
been offered more bus seats than I believe I've been thoughtfully considered
for jobs for which I am qualified. I've been grabbed to direct me more often
than I've been told that my husband and I
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2015/02/05/so-like-he-takes-care-of-you-o
r/>  are a cute couple just because we love each other, even as the ring on
my finger is immediately obvious. I've been offered assistance and guidance
for which I am extremely grateful, but I've also had it foisted on me. The
little things <https://wheresyourdog.com/2016/12/08/its-the-little-things/>
do make our lives easier, and they do matter, and they matter a lot. But the
big things - employment, education, love, autonomy, respect, consent -
matter more, and those things truly do make our lives easier.

You'd gladly give me a seat on the bus, but how would you feel giving me a
spot in your kitchen, an important position in your office, an evening
babysitting your children
<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2015/12/03/i-will-never-ask-to-hold-your-
baby/> , an opportunity where my skills and experience can stand on their
own, a day at the altar. or a seat on the board

?

https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2016/12/09/the-easy-life/

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