[humanser] NEW THOUGHT PROVOKER #145- Looking Blind

[Judith Bron]

Carmella, Yes, the professor was totally off base with his request to 
identify people who were handicapped by a show of hands.  However, for other 
individuals did it ever occur to you that many have never confronted a blind 
person?  Before I became legally blind I never knew anyone who was blind.  I 
have enough manners to know not to stare or act like a jerk when dealing 
with a different situation, but there are those who haven't a clue.  Believe 
it or not there are those out there who never dealt with a person of a 
different race, religion or ethnicity.  If they meet someone of a different 
group they resort to the negative reactions they may have come across 
through the behaviors of others.  Wheal chair bound, hearing impaired or 
blind, they're all conditions that have enough negative jokes surrounding 
them that it is no wonder there are so many insulting reactions to a person 
in this situation.
I'm one of those who doesn't look blind.  When New York State came out with 
the absurd guideline that people like me should be called "visually 
impaired" as opposed to "legally blind" I commented to my husband, "That is 
so nice of them!  How come I don't see any better?"  Ignorance is a human 
condition that the perpetually ignorant don't want to shake.  There is 
enough ignorance to go around that people who are not in the minority just 
have to do the best they can in whatever they choose to do and not resort to 
defensive behavior when dealing with the ignorant.  I don't have the time to 
educate them or placate their objectionable behavior.  I'm proud of me and 
don't make excuses for anything that puts me in the minority.  Judith
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Carmella D Broome" <cdbroome at worldnet.att.net>
To: "Human Services Mailing List" <humanser at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, May 05, 2009 11:33 AM
Subject: Re: [humanser] NEW THOUGHT PROVOKER #145- Looking Blind


> To Robert, Jonathan, and others,
>
> Jonathan, I think both of these individuals were very rude. Your 
> roommate's friend deserved to be told so on the spot for not speaking to 
> you directly and for just blurting out what he thought without any tact or 
> couth.  He deserved an in kind response, in my opinion, due to his 
> attitude.  The professor was rude for  asking that people with 
> disabilities identify themselves and  for publicly asking what their 
> disability was. Saying you would talk with him after class makes sense, 
> and I hope you told him  asking in that way was really not appropriate at 
> all.  He could very  easily have asked that students needing any special 
> accomodations hang around after class a minute to speak with him or that 
> they  email him  privately, should there be any such students in the 
> class.  Of course, getting offended and angry every time someone says 
> something  ignorant  or inappropriate to us is going to make for a lot of 
> constantly hacked off blind people.  I talk about this in my book and also 
> talk about how my own lack of assertiveness complicated the situation.
>
> I know that my eyes look different and that probably bothers me more than 
> blindness itself. Our culture puts such  romantic emphasis on  people's 
> eyes, gazing into the other person's eyes, being captivated by their eyes, 
> and so on and so on. Read any romance novel or listen to the radio for 20 
> minutes tuned in to a sappy soft rock station and you'll  hear a reference 
> to eyes in some way. Its enough to give someone a complex, and I've had 
> one about it for years.  I have felt, at times, as though I  can never be 
> as attractive as other women, no matter  how much I like many of my other 
> features, because my eyes look different and because I can't make eye 
> contact. I mostly just choose not to think about this much.  I can't 
> change it and  I'd rather focus on  things I can do something about in 
> regards to my appearance.
> I do my best to  be well groomed and attractive so that other things about 
> me don't add to the sense of different that goes with my eyes looking 
> different. I think looking  like others in other areas minimizes the eye 
> thing.
>
> I opt not to wear dark glasses to disguise my eyes. I do wear them 
> outdoors because sunlight is painful, but I feel that  wearing them 
> indoors would just be more disorienting to me. I also  think my clients 
> would feel I was "hiding" from them in some way or that I would feel that 
> I  was covering up part of myself out of shame.   I'd rather have people 
> deal with reality up front than  to wonder and I don't need to feel 
> embarrassed. My eyes look different.  That doesn't mean they look scary or 
> disgusting.
>
> I think to wear shades or not is an individual choice, of course. Each 
> person  should do what makes them comfortable, but  I also don't think we 
> need to bend over backwards for other people's comfort. What I mean is, if 
> someone else thinks my eyes look different, I expect them to deal with 
> themselves and use their manners and not be a jerk about it. The same is 
> true with the job interview issue or of a friend of mine who  has to take 
> insulin with her  places.  There are all kinds of people in this world who 
> look different, act different, and have different needs.   I expect adults 
> to act like adults whether they are confronted with something different or 
> something that surprises them or not.  Respectful questions are fine, but 
> being treated like a circus exhibit is not, no matter the circumstance.
>
> I use a guide dog so there's no doubt I'm blind.  I've done that go around 
> without dog or cane thing before in high school and early college.  It was 
> exhausting for me and confusing for others, I'm sure. I  don't have enough 
> vision to do that now, except for in very familiar surroundings, such as 
> home or work, and  hope that I wouldn't even if I could.  Again, blindness 
> is a part of who I am.  I don't have to be ashamed of it. I just have to 
> live with it and show that it doesn't have to be a big thing.  I think I'm 
> pretty good at that.
>
> In the past, I have thought about taking a picture with sunglasses on 
> while outdoors for   profiles on dating  sites. I was on eharmony for a 
> while and I feel sure  a lot of men didn't talk to me  because they could 
> see from my picture that I'm blind. Sad to say, but I'd like to   conduct 
> a little experiment to see what would happen if I  did another profile and 
> posted a picture where  you can't tell I'm blind from my picture. I don't 
> say anything about it on my profile page. I do say that  I've had some 
> life experiences that have given me a different perspective. I did not 
> just mean blindness when I said that, though.  There have been other 
> things, as well. Just with  a picture, people don't get the chance to 
> immediately start interacting with me the way they do normally, so I think 
> that makes blindness more of an issue.  Its the same philosophy that 
> applies  to showing up for a job interview without  letting people know. 
> I'd rather have the chance to be seen as a whole person first.
>
> Let me be clear, I wouldn't  show up for a date without someone knowing. 
> This is because I like to take my time to get to know a person  via email 
> and then phone, etc, before meeting in person and that would  mean   there 
> was already an ongoing  interaction so that I would actually feel 
> deceptive. Plus, I don't want to spend too much time on someone if they 
> just aren't going to be able to handle it.  With some time for rapport 
> building, though, I would hope someone would be more willing to at least 
> meet me and  see how I do things. I wonder what  other blind people who's 
> eyes do look normal do in such situations. In a picture, they can choose 
> whether to have other blindness props with them.
>
> Just some thoughts as provoked by the thought provoker and Jonathan's 
> response.
>
> Carmella
> Carmella Broome, EdS LPC LMFT/I
> Columbia SC
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