[humanser] NEW THOUGHT PROVOKER #145- Looking Blind

Wed May 6 14:29:46 UTC 2009

Hi Carmella & List:

When I first meet a new client I go into the lobby with my white cane and 
talk briefly to the receptionist or another staff member or just check my 
telephone message box.  I do this so that the new clients can see my white 
cane, can see me knowing my way around, and get used to the idea that there 
is a blind staff member.  Next I call out their name and, opening the door 
for them, bring them into the hallway.  I ask if they are comfortable around 
a dog as my dog guide, Pippin, is in the office.  This breaks the ice and 
critter stories happen as we walk down the long hallways.  Once in the 
office, with my white cane put aside we get into the issues that brought 
them to me.  It is rare that my blindness comes up, but sometimes it does, 
mainly in questions about how I do things;  how do I get to work, does 
Pippin go home with me, how do I dress myself.  It is most often children 
who ask these questions.  Frequently staff and families ask me if I can see 
shadows, I can't.  Yesterday one of the psychiatrists asked if I could see 
his hat and we've been working together for years now.  I do maintain, to my 
best ability, eye contact and frequently this confuses folks.  I can still 
focus and look towards a voice.  When the talking stops I'm without a clue 
as to where or if people are in their seats.  So, sometimes, having eyes 
that "don't look blind" doesn't mean that much.

JD Townsend, LCSW
Daytona Beach, Florida, Earth, Sol System
Helping the light dependent to see.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Carmella D Broome" <cdbroome at worldnet.att.net>
To: "Human Services Mailing List" <humanser at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, May 05, 2009 11:33 AM
Subject: Re: [humanser] NEW THOUGHT PROVOKER #145- Looking Blind

> To Robert, Jonathan, and others,
>
> Jonathan, I think both of these individuals were very rude. Your 
> roommate's
> friend deserved to be told so on the spot for not speaking to you directly
> and for just blurting out what he thought without any tact or couth.  He
> deserved an in kind response, in my opinion, due to his attitude.  The
> professor was rude for  asking that people with disabilities identify
> themselves and  for publicly asking what their disability was. Saying you
> would talk with him after class makes sense, and I hope you told him 
> asking
> in that way was really not appropriate at all.  He could very  easily have
> asked that students needing any special accomodations hang around after
> class a minute to speak with him or that they  email him  privately, 
> should
> there be any such students in the class.  Of course, getting offended and
> angry every time someone says something  ignorant  or inappropriate to us 
> is
> going to make for a lot of constantly hacked off blind people.  I talk 
> about
> this in my book and also talk about how my own lack of assertiveness
> complicated the situation.
>
> I know that my eyes look different and that probably bothers me more than
> blindness itself. Our culture puts such  romantic emphasis on  people's
> eyes, gazing into the other person's eyes, being captivated by their eyes,
> and so on and so on. Read any romance novel or listen to the radio for 20
> minutes tuned in to a sappy soft rock station and you'll  hear a reference
> to eyes in some way. Its enough to give someone a complex, and I've had 
> one
> about it for years.  I have felt, at times, as though I  can never be as
> attractive as other women, no matter  how much I like many of my other
> features, because my eyes look different and because I can't make eye
> contact. I mostly just choose not to think about this much.  I can't 
> change
> it and  I'd rather focus on  things I can do something about in regards to
> my appearance.
> I do my best to  be well groomed and attractive so that other things about
> me don't add to the sense of different that goes with my eyes looking
> different. I think looking  like others in other areas minimizes the eye
> thing.
>
> I opt not to wear dark glasses to disguise my eyes. I do wear them 
> outdoors
> because sunlight is painful, but I feel that  wearing them indoors would
> just be more disorienting to me. I also  think my clients would feel I was
> "hiding" from them in some way or that I would feel that I  was covering 
> up
> part of myself out of shame.   I'd rather have people deal with reality up
> front than  to wonder and I don't need to feel embarrassed. My eyes look
> different.  That doesn't mean they look scary or disgusting.
>
> I think to wear shades or not is an individual choice, of course. Each
> person  should do what makes them comfortable, but  I also don't think we
> need to bend over backwards for other people's comfort. What I mean is, if
> someone else thinks my eyes look different, I expect them to deal with
> themselves and use their manners and not be a jerk about it. The same is
> true with the job interview issue or of a friend of mine who  has to take
> insulin with her  places.  There are all kinds of people in this world who
> look different, act different, and have different needs.   I expect adults
> to act like adults whether they are confronted with something different or
> something that surprises them or not.  Respectful questions are fine, but
> being treated like a circus exhibit is not, no matter the circumstance.
>
> I use a guide dog so there's no doubt I'm blind.  I've done that go around
> without dog or cane thing before in high school and early college.  It was
> exhausting for me and confusing for others, I'm sure. I  don't have enough
> vision to do that now, except for in very familiar surroundings, such as
> home or work, and  hope that I wouldn't even if I could.  Again, blindness
> is a part of who I am.  I don't have to be ashamed of it. I just have to
> live with it and show that it doesn't have to be a big thing.  I think I'm
> pretty good at that.
>
> In the past, I have thought about taking a picture with sunglasses on 
> while
> outdoors for   profiles on dating  sites. I was on eharmony for a while 
> and
> I feel sure  a lot of men didn't talk to me  because they could see from 
> my
> picture that I'm blind. Sad to say, but I'd like to   conduct a little
> experiment to see what would happen if I  did another profile and posted a
> picture where  you can't tell I'm blind from my picture. I don't say
> anything about it on my profile page. I do say that  I've had some life
> experiences that have given me a different perspective. I did not just 
> mean
> blindness when I said that, though.  There have been other things, as 
> well.
> Just with  a picture, people don't get the chance to immediately start
> interacting with me the way they do normally, so I think that makes
> blindness more of an issue.  Its the same philosophy that applies  to
> showing up for a job interview without  letting people know. I'd rather 
> have
> the chance to be seen as a whole person first.
>
> Let me be clear, I wouldn't  show up for a date without someone knowing.
> This is because I like to take my time to get to know a person  via email
> and then phone, etc, before meeting in person and that would  mean   there
> was already an ongoing  interaction so that I would actually feel 
> deceptive.
> Plus, I don't want to spend too much time on someone if they  just aren't
> going to be able to handle it.  With some time for rapport building, 
> though,
> I would hope someone would be more willing to at least meet me and  see 
> how
> I do things. I wonder what  other blind people who's eyes do look normal 
> do
> in such situations. In a picture, they can choose whether to have other
> blindness props with them.
>
> Just some thoughts as provoked by the thought provoker and Jonathan's
> response.
>
> Carmella
> Carmella Broome, EdS LPC LMFT/I
> Columbia SC
>
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