[humanser] How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truthin Almost Any Situation

[JD TOWNSEND]

Hello Bright Smile!


Thank you for this article.  I have a group for transitional youth and this 
is an ideal topic for them.  I started the group when I found too many folks 
struggling with the move from teenage to adult, unable to grasp the skills 
of independence.  They named it the PIE group as they all shared an interest 
in the pies of various delicious flavors, but standing for the more mundane 
Personal Independence Education title.


As blind clinicians we learn to decipher these body language indicators in 
different ways, most often in my case it has become so second nature that 
when I point out such to a patient they often ask how I knew.  Often I have 
to think through my own process to identify the manner of knowing. 
Sometimes I think I can actually hear eyes rolling (smile).


I find that many youths are not body language savvy due to poor social 
aptitude or  social isolation.


Thank you again.


JD Townsend, LCSW
Daytona Beach, Florida, Earth, Sol System
Helping the light dependent to see.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Mary Ann Robinson" <brightsmile1953 at comcast.net>
To: "Human Services Mailing List" <humanser at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2011 8:41 PM
Subject: [humanser] How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying 
Truthin Almost Any Situation


>I read the following rather lengthy article on another list and thought it 
>was worth sharing.
>
> MaryAnn Robinson
> LMSW, ACSW, CAADC
>
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> By Adam Dachis
>
> You've likely heard that body language accounts for up to 55% of how we 
> communicate,
> but reading non-verbal cues isn't just about broad strokes. The same 
> gesture can
> indicate a number of different things depending on context. In this post, 
> we're going
> to take a look at three common situations in which non-verbal cues are 
> especially
> important-detecting lies, going on a date, and interviewing for a job-then 
> explain
> how to interpret body language more accurately so that you can read 
> between the lines
> when a person's words aren't necessarily conveying the way that they 
> honestly feel.
> We lie a lot. When having a conversation with a stranger,
> chances are we'll lie in the first ten minutes
> . Sometimes we'll lie more than once in that same period of time. These 
> may not always
> be big lies, but we still do it. We all willingly partake in deception 
> from time
> to time because it helps us avoid conflict, but often we're better off 
> knowing the
> truth. While words can be deceptive, the human body is a terrible liar. 
> This is where
> reading body language and using your own effectively, can be extremely 
> useful when
> communicating with others.
> First, the basics.
> Body Language Basics
> When you're reading body language, your primary goal is to determine 
> whether or not
> a person is comfortable in their current situation. Once you do this, it's 
> a process
> of using context and other cues-which we'll get into later-to figure out 
> the specifics.
> There are plenty of ways a person may indicate their comfort level, but 
> here are
> a few of the most common.
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> Positive body language:
> Moving or leaning closer to you
> Relaxed, uncrossed limbs
> Long periods of eye contact
> Looking down and away out of shyness
> Genuine smiles
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> Negative body language:
> Moving or leaning away from you
> Crossed arms or legs
> Looking away to the side
> Feet pointed away from you, or towards and exit
> Rubbing/scratching their nose, eyes, or the back of their neck
> A single cue can mean a myriad of things. For example, crossed arms falls 
> under the
> category of negative body language and can suggest that a person is 
> physically cold,
> closed off, or frustrated. It can even indicate that they've simply had 
> too much
> to eat. It's necessary to pay attention to multiple behavioral cues as a 
> single one
> can be misleading. While it will help to indicate comfort level, to really 
> understand
> why you need to look deeper. This means paying attention to other cues as 
> well as
> their context. As we get into the specific situations, we'll look at how 
> these cues
> work together to help uncover the truth in a given moment.
> Photo by
> StockLite
> (Shutterstock)
> Spot a Liar
> One of the biggest advantages of learning to read body language well is 
> being able
> to judge when someone is lying with a fair amount of accuracy. Your 
> intuition is
> never going to be 100% accurate, but with a little practice you can become 
> more aware
> of when you're being fed a load of crap. It's
> very important
> to recognize what kind of lies you are actually detecting. The techniques 
> we're
> going to discuss in this section correspond to big lies-the lies people 
> tell when
> they are uncomfortable or afraid of the truth. These skills will get you 
> almost nowhere
> in detecting white lies, small lies of omission, and what people do most 
> often: exaggerate.
> Those types of deception are very hard to detect, and it's important to 
> remember
> that, regardless of the type of untruth, you'll never know for certain. 
> You can,
> however, pick up on common cues so you know when to hold a healthy 
> suspicion about
> what a person is saying.
> Pamela Meyer, author of
> Liespotting
> , conducted significant research on the ways we lie to figure out the 
> common patterns
> in our body language. She found that liars often exhibit much of the 
> behavior you'd
> find in any other uncomfortable person, but with a few very specific 
> additional traits.
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> Fake Smiles
> People are bad at
> offering a genuine smile
> when they're lying. In fact, a genuine smile (often referred to as a
> Duchenne smile
> ), is often said to be impossible to fake. This is why many of us end up 
> with awkward
> family photos. We may think we look like we're smiling, but to most anyone 
> it looks
> like we're faking it. This is because your smile is in your eyes, or, more 
> specifically,
> the wrinkles around them. You display a few crows feet when you smile 
> genuinely because
> your smile pushes up your cheeks which bunches up the skin near your eyes. 
> It's fairly
> hard to fake this. You need to feel some sort of genuine happy emotion at 
> the time
> to do it, and when you're uncomfortable this is next to impossible. This 
> is why a
> non-genuine smile can be a helpful indicator of a lie in progress.
> Photo by
> KQED
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> Stiff Upper Body and Too Much Eye Contact
> Liars like to overcompensate when they're lying, and so they'll often try 
> to remain
> still and offer eye contact. This will often result in so much eye contact 
> it's often
> a little unsettling, and their body will become stiff because they're 
> attempting
> not to fidget. Normally, people move and do not hold eye contact for 
> extended periods
> of time. When uncomfortable, however, people
> will
> often rub their neck or eyes and look away to the side. Rather than 
> exhibit the
> positive body language that would imply comfort, liars tend to opt for 
> doing very
> little. This, in and of itself, is an indicator. Look for tense shoulders 
> and an
> unusually high amount of eye contact and you'll be more likely to spot a 
> liar.
> Photo by
> Lindsay Phillips
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> Context and Paired Behaviors
> In addition to all these non-verbal cues, you'll need to pay attention to 
> the context.
> Liars will often offer more details in their stories, suggest punishments 
> for the
> "real culprit" if they're being accused of something, and answer you 
> questions with
> a question to give them time to fabricate an answer rather than provide 
> you with
> the truth. These behaviors, when paired with standard negative body 
> language and
> the previously mentioned cues that liars exhibit, give you the right mix 
> of untrustworthy
> behavior. Separately they may not mean much, but together they point to 
> dishonesty.
> It's important to remember, however, that some people are just awkward and 
> exhibit
> this kind of behavior with regularity. You should take the way a person 
> normally
> acts into consideration as well. Watch their mannerisms and eye movements 
> when you
> know they're telling the truth and compare that to the times when you 
> think they're
> lying. When you see consistent change when certain statements are made, 
> you'll know
> how this specific person acts when they're thinking of what to say rather 
> than recalling
> information. Again, this or anything else previously mentioned isn't 
> sufficient in
> detecting lies. You have to look for multiple cues or what you'll just 
> discover that
> you're fooling yourself into believing you know the difference between 
> fact and fiction.
> Photo by
> Bifaloo
> For more on lie detection,
> watch Pamela Meyer's TED talk
> and check out her book
> Liespotting
> .
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> Read People on a Date
> When you're out on a first date, body language can be an incredibly 
> helpful tool.
> If you're not paying attention to the non-verbal cues your date is 
> exhibiting, you
> can often go on talking about something that makes them uncomfortable or 
> they find
> unpleasant. While you don't want to go into a date hiding who you are, you 
> do want
> to put your best foot forward so, in the event you are a decent match, you 
> can bring
> up the riskier topics a bit later once your date already likes you. This, 
> of course,
> means paying close attention to your date's behavior which can be 
> difficult when
> you're supposed to be speaking charismatically and listening to what 
> they're saying.
> With a little practice, however, you'll get the hang of watching for the 
> right signals
> and won't have to spend much time thinking about them.
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> You're not looking for anything complicated on a date-just the general 
> indications
> of comfort and discomfort we outlined earlier. This means you're simply 
> paying attention
> to how guarded your date is with their body. Initially, most people will 
> be fairly
> guarded. They'll cross their arms, keep a reasonable amount of distance, 
> and keep
> their palms facing themselves. This is okay and fairly common on a first 
> date, and
> your goal is to change that body language into something more open and 
> welcoming.
> You'll do this naturally when you connect with them, but you can encourage 
> open body
> language by providing it yourself. We tend to mimic the behavior of others 
> to some
> extent, so if you're warm and comfortable it will help your date change 
> his or her
> behavior to match. This means keeping your arms uncrossed and open,
> offering a genuine smile
> whenever feasible and appropriate, avoiding distance from your date, and 
> even showing
> your palms. All of these things imply that you're comfortable and will 
> help make
> your date more comfortable as well.
> You also want to be careful not to psych yourself out just because you 
> picked up
> on some negative body language. Levels of comfort fluctuate frequently on 
> dates because
> it's often a little nerve-wracking for most people in the first place. 
> Don't worry
> about making a few mistakes. As a piano instructor would tell you for a 
> recital,
> if you play a wrong note you should just keep going. Watch the non-verbal 
> cues to
> see how you're doing and focus on anything that provides positive body 
> language.
> If you receive extended moments of negative body language, move on to 
> another topic.
> Of course, sometimes you're just not going to click and the date is going 
> to be an
> awkward evening full of negative non-verbal cues. If this happens, the 
> same piano-playing
> principal applies: don't get hung up on a problem-just move on.
> Photo by
> Felix Mizioznikov
> (Shutterstock)
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> Communicate Effectively in a Job Interview
> Job interviews are a lot like first dates in the sense that you're trying 
> to convince
> another person, whom you don't know, to like you. The key difference is 
> that on a
> date you're both meeting on equal ground. When you go into a job 
> interview, however,
> the interviewer has most of the power and you have, essentially, none at 
> all. This
> creates an environment where you're going to likely be considerably more 
> uncomfortable
> than the interviewer. You'll display negative body language as a result, 
> and that's
> not good. When interviewing for a job, you want to override any non-verbal 
> communication
> that makes you seem closed off.
> A charismatic beginning can make all the difference, as
> first impressions are hugely important in hiring decisions
> . A smile, pleasant handshake, warm greeting, and the previously mentioned 
> positive
> body language will set the stage for a comfortable interview. You don't 
> know what
> sort of (potentially negative) expectations your interviewer is bringing 
> to the table,
> so it's never a bad thing to override them by demonstrating you're a 
> pleasant and
> charismatic individual.
> Offering up the previously discussed positive body language is easier said 
> than done
> when you're uncomfortable, so the best thing you can do to override that 
> discomfort
> is to feel prepared. (
> A lack of preparation is the main reason you suck in an interview
> , after all.) Even if you begin to feel unprepared later on, walking into 
> the room
> with confidence will at least help you make that important first 
> impression. To prepare,
> research the company
> . Remember
> a few useful "sound bites"
> to use and fall back on if you're struggling.
> Know what differentiates you
> and makes you special and remind yourself right before you walk into the 
> room. Preparation
> breeds confidence, and it'll be easier to display positive body language 
> when you're
> feeling good about yourself.
> How to Read Body Language to Reveal the Underlying Truth in Almost Any 
> Situation
> While natural comfort is going to be your most valuable tool, there are a 
> few tricks
> that can help you out. Assuming American cultural standards, eye contact 
> is more
> important in a job interview than most other situations. If you have 
> trouble meeting
> someone's eyes, just look at their mouth. You'll also want to avoid 
> blocking your
> own eyes in any way, as
> doing so can convey discomfort
> (among other negative feelings). Just like on a date, leaning slightly 
> forward is
> a positive cue for your interviewer. It also helps to appear to be a good 
> listener,
> as you'll be talking most of the time. When you ask your own questions, or 
> your interviewer
> has something to tell you, eye contact is especially important. You can 
> also convey
> that you're in a "listening mode" by occasionally placing part of your 
> hand over
> your mouth. This helps indicate to others that you're not going to talk 
> and therefore
> paying attention.
> All of this said, every interviewer is going to understand that you'll be 
> a little
> nervous. It's natural and no reasonable person should or would expect 
> anybody to
> walk in with no tension whatsoever. If you're a little bit tense, don't 
> worry about
> it. That much is expected. In fact, too much comfort might convey to some 
> that you're
> overconfident and not taking the interview seriously. In the end, your 
> fate rests
> in the hands of another human being so there's only so much you can do. 
> They may
> not like your shoes or prefer to hire someone younger or older. You never 
> know what
> you're going to run into, but you can at least try to tip the scales in 
> your favor
> with the help of some positive body language.
> Photo by
> Tom Wang
> and
> Gelpi
> (Shutterstock)
> Remember: Body Language Is Only Part of the Picture
> A better understanding of human body language can be useful in your own 
> communication
> and in understanding others. It can also be a lot of fun to feel like you 
> know what
> other people are thinking, when they're lying to you, and how comfortable 
> they are
> in a given situation. That said, you're not a psychic. You can't read 
> minds and the
> non-verbal cues you interpret are never going to tell you exactly what 
> someone is
> feeling or thinking with spot-on accuracy. These techniques will help you 
> find clues
> that can help you understand other people. Use them to communicate better 
> and gain
> a better awareness of those around you. Don't pretend they're magic. All 
> you're doing
> is paying closer attention to your natural, human intution.
> Special thanks to Samantha McCullough, William J. Tebbenhoff II, and 
> Tyrone Mann
> for their contributions. This article also references information from the 
> work of
> Pamela Meyer
> and
> Joe Navarro
> . To learn more about body language and other non-verbal communication, 
> check out
> their books and articles. Title image remixed from photos by Yuri Arcurs [
> 1
> /
> 2
> ] (Shutterstock) and
> Guiseppe_R
> (Shutterstock)
> You can follow Adam Dachis, the author of this post, on
> Twitter
> ,
> Google+
> , and
> Facebook
> .
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