[il-talk] FW: Article from National Federation of the Blind of Nebraska THE NEBRASKA INDEPENDENT 2010 11 01

[Robert A.Hansen]

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From: "robertHansen1970 at gmail.com" <roberthansen1970 at gmail.com>
Sent: Mon, 01 Nov 2010 07:26:21 Pacific Daylight Time
To: roberthansen33 at yahoo.com, mikegillenkirk at talkamerica.net, don.gillmore at gmail.com
Subject: FW: Article from National Federation of the Blind of Nebraska THE NEBRASKA INDEPENDENT 2010 11 01









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From: "NFB-NEWSLINE Online" <nfbnewsline at nfb.org>

Sent: Mon, 01 Nov 2010 05:35:04 Pacific Daylight Time

To: "Robert Hansen" <roberthansen1970 at gmail.com>

Subject: Article from National Federation of the Blind of Nebraska THE NEBRASKA INDEPENDENT 2010 11 01







By Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter.





 Megan and Rick stood facing each other.  

 This moment had been a long time coming, building into a crescendo that neither could stop.  

 Both were not sure when the change occurred or who was to blame, but both knew Ricks failing eyesight would lead them to this point eventually.  

 The fact was, though, they were at an impasse, no longer willing to hide the truth or even gloss it over with pretended hopes and reluctant smiles.



 So you are leaving?  

 Just gone, like that, Rick said.  

 He stood gripping the second-hand kitchen chair bought three years ago at a thrift store in Kentucky.



 Rick had never been enthusiastic about spending hours in what seemed to him junk stores.  

 Megan had a passion for what she called antiquing and Rick eventually loved to go on these excursions just to watch her grow excited over a plastic doll reminiscent of a 1960s airline stewardess.



 Megan faced the window that over looked the mock prairie Rick and she had worked on over the last ten years.  

 Megan and Rick were both ecologist and enjoyed spending their spare time working on the land they purchased together after Rick asked her to move in.  

 They had met twelve years earlier when Rick, head of his department, had hired Megan at the state park they worked for.  

 They had both felt an instant connection over the animals each tenderly cared for.



 So our relationship is a game?  

 Rick narrowed his eyes, trying to make out her expression.



 Dont put words in my mouth.



 What is it?  

 Is there someone else?  

 Am I not enough?



 Weve grown apart.  

 Dont you feel it?  

 I love you, but I think this is going nowhere.



 Is it because I dont see well? 



 Ricks growing uneasiness with his diminishing vision was becoming a constant point of contention between him and Megan.  

 He second guessed everything, as though her only reason for staying with him was pity.



 Rick.  

 She rubbed her forehead.



 Tell me, I want to know.  

 You are leaving because I am losing my vision.



 Even though Rick could not make out her expression with his failing sight, Megan looked away.  

 She didnt want to say the words.  

 She knew when she met Rick that his Retinitis Pigmentosa would eventually leave him totally blind.  

 She accepted this fact a long time ago, but Rick hadnt.  

 Megan watched year after year as he struggled more and more to adjust and function.  

 He refused to seek help of any kind.  

 Last year Megan suggested after his thirty-sixth birthday he take time to receive training just to learn a few skills, but that conversation quickly ended.  

 She tried to support him and live in the oblivion as well, but she couldnt do it anymore.



 Tell me the truth. 



 Please, let it just be over with.



 You think I want to be this way?  

 I didnt ask for this and I cant help it.  

 You are like everyone else.  

 You pity me, but you dont want to help me.



 Its not like that, Megan screamed, Its not your blindness or vision impairment or whatever you call it.  

 Do you really want to hear me say it?  

 You are such a masochist, Rick.  

 It is you who wont help yourself.



 What?  

 Rick stepped back as though Megan had hit him.  

 He rubbed his forearm as he hung his head.



 You act like your life is over so why do I want to be apart of that?  

 You expect me to understand this, but you dont try to understand it.



 So you are tired of dealing with my sight problem.



 No, I am tired of dealing with you, Rick.



 Megan grew hot as the words gushed from her.  .  

 This could not be turned back from and her mingled sense of fear and joy made her aware of the possibilities.  

 She could breathe for once, no longer watching Rick live in denial.  

 She could move on with her life, and not worry about if Rick was okay.



 Rick was breathing deeply, not just from anger, but fear.  

 He was trying to concentrate on the argument at hand but thoughts kept coming to the surface like bubbles under water.  

 How would he get around?  

 Who would help him?  

 A panic rose up making his voice shrill.



 Then leave, just leave!  

 A garbled sound came from his throat and he blinked his eyes in a quick succession.

 

 Promise me one thing.  

 Move on from this.  

 Do what needs to be done.  

 This isnt the end, Rick.  

 Megan moved to put her hand on his arm, but Rick yanked his arm away.



 Your leaving wont be the end of me.  

 Rick folded his arms across his bulk, and jutted his chin like a child.



 I didnt mean me leaving was the end, Rick.



 Megan left him standing there.  

 If she turned to look at him her resolve might break.  

 The home they shared for so long whipped by in a blur as Megan rushed out.  

 As she opened the car door tears streamed down her cheeks.



 Rick sat on the couch as the panic gushed to the surface; it paralyzed him.  

 He wanted to run after Megan, but once he left the front door what would he do?  

 What if he approached the wrong person?  

 Could he even make it down the sidewalk without tripping on something?  

 Instead he sat there, silent and unmoving, alone in his imagined darkness.





 Megan started from sleep as the phone rang.  

 The digital alarm clock read seven oclock in the morning.  

 She rolled out of bed, stepped into her Yogi Bear slippers and shuffled to the living room.



 Hello, Megan mumbled.



 Megan?  

 Its Carly.  

 Ricks sister.



 Megan had had no contact with Rick or his family since the break-up.  

 She had even asked for a transfer to another department at the national park, Land Between the Lakes, she and Rick worked for.



 Oh, hey, what is it?  

 Megan bit her lower lip.



 Hon, its Rick.  

 He broke his leg and its pretty bad.



 Megan sat up and brushed the dark curls out of her face.  

 Is he okay?  

 What happened?



 He was in the yard cleaning stuff up, and he stepped into a hole.  

 It broke from the knee-cap down.



 Megan cringed.



 He has to have surgery.  

 My parents are on their way down, but I thought you would want to know, Carly said.



 Yeah, thanks.



 Megan, I am real sorry about what happened.  

 He needs you there though.  

 He needs someone to look out for him.



 Megan stared at the brochures for the Louisiana Center for the Blind program.  

 She had broke-up with Rick almost a year ago, but she had not let go.  

 Megan had spent the last few months researching training centers where Rick could learn the skills and independence necessary for him to move along in life.  

 The Louisiana Center seemed progressive, but positive.  

 She knew Rick had the potential, but he needed a nudge.  

 Megans love for Rick was still present.  

 She had shared a life with Rick and despite his current state of mind about his blindness, she couldnt completely walk away.  

 This is why she decided to stay at Land Between the Lakes.  

 Deep down she hoped Rick would find the courage to face his demons.



 You know Carly, as long as we all ignore the problem it will only get worse.



 There was a long silence in which Megan wished she had not said anything.  

 It was enough to have left Rick, but it was not like her to cause tension.



 It is not so easy.  

 We cant just dump him, Carly said.



 Megan sighed.  

 He wont ever learn if we treat him like a baby.



 Look, I just thought you would want to know.  

 I know Rick would want you with him.



 Thanks.  

 I do appreciate it.



 Megans vision smeared into swirling colors as tears filled her eyes.  

 She couldnt help wonder if this was what Ricks vision was like.



 Rick had always been open and honest with Megan, but in the months leading to the break-up he had grown sullen.  

 He refused to talk to Megan about anything deep, and of course the topic of blindness was off the table.  

 The day Rick asked her to move in had been one of the happiest days of her life.  

 The memory was fond, but only made Megan ache more.



 The nature station where Megan and Rick worked had a large commons room used for presentations, and once a year a banquet was held encouraging government officials to budget funds for Land Between the Lakes.  

 The room had a massive French door leading out into the parks garden.  

 Rick had taken Megan to the park one night.  

 Megan was unsure of what to expect, and was surprised when Rick opened the French doors to a candle-lit-table for two.  

 It was a June evening and the garden was in full bloom.  

 The scent of wild flowers wafted through the warm air.



 Rick took Megan by the hand and led her to the table.  

 Do you like it?



 Oh Rick, this is beautiful.



 The small table was laid with Megans favorite foods.  

 Roast lamb with mint, garlic roasted Red potatoes, cucumber-tomato salad and strawberries and cream.  

 The only other light besides the candles on the table came from the lit walk-ways in the garden.



 Later they had strolled through the grounds, talking hand-in-hand, partly because in the dark Rick could see nothing and needed a guide.  

 Rick asked her to move in as they stood at the edge of the lake.  

 Megan was always hesitant about moving in.  

 She had always taken their relationship slow, but she could not deny the love she felt, and the natural progression was to move in with Rick.



 Sharing that much of her life was a new experience for Megan, but one she had grown to enjoy.  

 Then Rick began losing more vision.  

 It was small things at first.  

 Not noticing objects right in front of him.  

 He had to rely more on large print when reading.  

 It progressed though.  

 Megan knew how difficult it was for him, but Rick was becoming closed off.  

 Finally, Megan could no longer take the self-pity.  

 Megan had to be honest too; she enjoyed the freedom of not constantly thinking what she had to do for Rick.  

 She hated herself for thinking this way, but it was relief to only have to do things for herself.



 Megan stood and wiped her eyes.  

 She wasnt sure if she could be strong for Rick anymore.  

 That was why she left.  

 Her heart reached out for him though.  

 She wanted to be by his side.  

 The situation was confusing and Megan stomped off towards the shower as she chewed around what to do in her mind.  

 She resisted the urge to call Rick.  

 She was worried, but she wasnt sure if he really wanted to hear from her.  

 As much as she still cared, being with Rick was a headache, and Megan knew a lot had to change before either one could move forward together.



 Megan sighed as the warm water hit her face.  

 She closed her eyes and tried to lose herself in thoughts other than Rick.







 Ricks mother, Emily, adjusted the pillows and blanket.  

 She buzzed around the room, refusing to sit down.  

 Greg, his father, sat in a blue vinyl recliner in the corner reading a newspaper.



 Emily, sit down for Christ sakes, Greg said from behind his paper.



 Greg and Emily drove up from their horse ranch in Arizona where Rick grew up at.  

 Rick knew his parents would be the first to insist on taking the trek to Kentucky to be with Rick.



 Do you need anything, Rick? 

 Emily asked.



 If the boy needs something he will tell you, Greg said.



 I am fine, Mother, Rick said.



 You should eat something, Emily said.



 Em, he cant eat right after surgery, Greg sighed.



 Do you want me to read a magazine to you? 

 Emily asked.



 Thats okay, Rick said.



 Well, you shouldnt have been outside alone.  

 You really need a roommate or companion, Emily said.



 Rick tightened his jaw.  

 He picked at the nubs on the blue hospital blanket.  

 Everything in the damned room was blue.



 What he needs is to use a cane, Greg said.



 Emily gave Greg a sharp look.  

 Oh, Rick doesnt need stuff like that.  

 She patted Ricks arm.



 Greg put his paper down and stretched.  

 All I am saying is that he may benefit from certain things.  

 Like those canes or Braille.



 He is not blind, Greg.



 No, I am not, Rick said.



 Then what do you call it?  

 Greg stood and strode from the room.



 Rick stared at the white ceiling.  

 The florescent glow from the hallway hurt his eyes, but he didnt want to ask anyone to close the door.  

 He was still groggy from the anesthetic, and his leg was beginning to hurt again.  

 The pain was traveling from his knee and grew in intensity as it went further along.  

 He couldnt roll over, or get out of bed.  

 He was stuck.





 Megan stood in front of the faded yellow Ranch-style house that had once been hers and Ricks.  

 She played with the hem of her white polo as she decided if she should go in or not.  

 It had been a couple of weeks since Ricks accident, and this was the third time Megan tried to contact him.  

 She took a deep breath, walked to the door and knocked.



 A woman Megan did not recognize at first opened the door.  

 The womans dark, brown hair was pulled back, and she wore denim Bermuda shorts and a Garth Brooks t-shirt.  

 Megan recognized the shirt first as she had bought it for Rick seven years ago when they had gone to a concert.



 Megan? 

 Emily asked.



 Emily, I didnt think you would still be here.



 Someone has to take care of Rick.  

 Listen, I should tell you some things first.



 Emily shut the door as she stood out on the porch.  

 She crossed her arms over her ample chest.  

 Megan chewed on a finger nail.



 The house is a disaster, Emily said.



 What?



 I think things are getting bad, you know.  

 When we got here we couldnt believe it all.  

 I think he needs some help, but I dont know what to do.



 Have you said this to Rick?



 We dont want to hurt his feelings.  

 I was thinking Greg and I would pay a professional cleaner to come in once a week, but I dont know what to do about other stuff.  

 Are they taking it easy on him at work?



 Megan knew that Ricks parents had the financial ability to care for him, but it wouldnt solve anything.



 Emily, you cant do everything for him forever.  

 He needs to grow up.



 Its not that simple, Megan.



 Yes it is.  

 Can I please see Rick?



 Alright, but dont upset him.  

 He is in the backyard.



 Megan gasped as she walked into the house.  

 It looked like something out of a movie.  

 Nature had decided to take up residence inside the house.  

 Dust coated every surface.  

 An intricate spider-web began in the middle of the ceiling on the fan and spread to the four corners.  

 Megan moved into the kitchen where dirty dishes piled in the sink and overflowed onto the counters.  

 Food littered the floor and a line of marching ants streamed from some unknown place.



 Megan took in deep breaths.  

 She turned and glared at Emily.  

 You dont want to hurt his feelings, but you will let him live in squalor?



 Emilys mouth gapped open.  

 If you hadnt left him this wouldnt have happened.



 No, if you all would realize that Rick needs training and stop acting like he was a child this wouldnt have happened.



 Megan knew what was possible for those with blindness.  

 She had read about people with jobs, real jobs, who were blind.  

 There were even a few blind doctors.  

 She had found information with stories about blind parents.  

 All this and more was accomplished because they chose to learn a few things like Braille and white cane travel.  

 Most importantly they had gained an independent mind-set.  

 What was it in the brochures?  

 With training and a positive attitude blindness can be reduced to a mere physical inconvenience that was it.



 The help Rick needs is not from a caretaker, Emily.



 Megan left Emily standing in the kitchen.



 Rick sat in a lawn chair with his broken leg propped up on a wood crate.  

 He had gained a few more pounds, and his hairline was crawling farther back.



 Mind if I sign that thing? 

 Megan asked.



 Rick moved forward, but realized he couldnt jump up.  

 Megan.



 Megan pulled a chair up next to him.  

 I thought you needed a friend.



 Rick stared out into the yard.  

 I thought I completely lost you.



 Rick, you never lost me, but I lost you.  

 Megan gently held his hand.  

 The familiar touch brought her emotions rushing, but she knew this was no time for tears.



 Rick broke down instead.  

 He took large gulps of air as though he were drinking.  

 I dont know what to do.



 I know, but I do.  

 She smiled.



 How could you ever want to be with me?  

 How could anyone?



 I will tell you how.  

 Once this leg is healed go get that training.



 Megan.



 Look, your method is not working anymore.  

 There is no reason for you to have limitations.  

 I can help you do this.



 I dont know.



 Heres the thing, Rick.  

 I still love you, but I wont enable you.  

 I want to help and I want to be with you, but you need to get over this.  

 Megan cupped his chin and turned his face towards her.  

 You have to do it for you though.



 Rick focused on the two shadows he knew were her eyes.  

 He had longed for a year to see Megan again.  

 His heart was thudding.  

 He laughed suddenly.



 Megan wore a puzzled expression.  

 What?



 Its just your face.



 Thanks.



 No, I mean, you look like a Picasso painting.  

 There are holes where your eyes are; your mouth looks cherry red, and there is no nose.



 Megan gazed at Rick then she started chuckling.  

 They both were wiping tears from their eyes, but this time from laughter.



 Rick grew quiet for a moment.  

 It wont be easy.



 Nothing is.



 Rick looked at her.  

 Thanks.



 They sat in silence as they watched the sun set.  .



 





 



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