[il-talk] Tips In Dealing With Family Members

[Rob Kaiser]

Hello all:

I do really feel that this is a problem that most of us as blind people have 
had to deal with from time-to-time.

Many of you probably read the post I put up here about my aunt's trust. When 
my Aunt died in December of 2010, she left a very large sum of money to be 
split up among five neices and nephews. In my case, I was assigned a trustee 
(my sister) who from my mom's oppinion, felt I needed someone to handle my 
funds. this was probably because of some mistakes I had made since I have 
been in Socal the latest being a caregiver who was taking care of me because 
of other health issues I was having. Julie was nice at first but became more 
controlling and took lots of my money. Mom and Carolyn, my sister didn't 
with good reason want Julie to have access to my funds.

Unforetunately, when I went back to Chicago for the memorial service for my 
aunt in Februrary of 2011, the then family attorney came to the house where 
mom was living with papers. Because I have always been intimidated by my 
family, I went ahead and sighned the papers which included a power of 
attorney, durrible power of attorney (which deals with medical issues) a 
paper thatthgat that allows my mom or sister to declare me incompotent and 
any time without a doctor's permision and full controll of my funds. 
Finally, in this past August of 2013, with help of an advocate, I was 
finally able to get a small stipan each month to help me live out here in 
Orange County where I want and need to live. ***not just because of the 
weather but because of my daughter among other reasons.**** Even almost up 
to that point, my sister wanted me to go and live in a home for the blind in 
Pasadena which was less expensive but finding out more about the place, I 
found out it would hav e been a terrible place to live., Up to now, I still 
can't get any more funds from my sister because she feels that all I need is 
this certain amount to barely get by out here.

Mom and dad also were a big cause of the breakup of my marriage to Pat. 
***Not that there were other reasons for the breakup, but my family had a 
lot to do with what happened. Pat is fully sighted.

I always felt that mom and dad treated me with respect, but more has come 
out as to the fact that they really haven't done so by lying to me time 
after time after time.

I, at one time durring my marriage told Pat I would sever tieds with mom and 
dad to keep my marriage alive. Pat didn't want me to do that.

Mom, now that she is remarried, is a little bit better in the way she treats 
me, but I still can't get the money (my own money) when I want it. ***Not 
that I want to spend it all at one time.**** That would be real stupid. I 
just want to be able to live where and do what I want to do. Yes, we all 
make mistakes, some worse that others, but we are all human beings.

Sorry for the long article. You can always talk to me off list;
rcubfank at sbcglobal.net
cell#(847)989-0768.

Thanks.



-----Original Message----- 
From: Nicholas
Sent: Saturday, December 28, 2013 3:19 PM
To: il-talk at nfbnet.org ; blindtlk at nfbnet.org
Subject: [il-talk] Tips In Dealing With Family Members

Hi,

I know I post when I need advice, and I need to try to share experiences, 
but do any of you have tips on dealing with family members who don't get it? 
By it I mean blindness and the fact that we are humans who deserve 
independence like anyone else.  Both sides of my family seem to think that 
my independence means that my love for them has decreased because I don't 
let them dictate my life anymore.  Training and the NFB has shown me that 
the blind can serve as equal when given an opportunity.  I have changed but 
they have not.  I'm not sure they ever will.  I don't want to cut all ties 
with them, but feel liberated when I am not around them and sucked down when 
I am.  However, I keep going back to them for advice and "normal" stuff. 
However, when I seek empathy I don't get it.  I willingly take your help, 
and won't respond until I cool down.  I am known to allow my feelings to get 
the best of me.  Thanks for your help.  I plan to thank those who respond in 
a couple of days.

Nicholas S. Robertson, MBA
Phone: 641.660.2475
Email: robertson.nicholas at hotmail.com
            nicholas.robertson2 at va.gov



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