[Lpobc] FW: [New post] I will Never Ask to Hold your Baby

Fri Dec 4 13:39:52 UTC 2015

Hi Parents et al,

While this list is meant for parents of blind children—whether the parent is blind or not—I thought I’d forward the following on. The Blind Beader is a Canadian woman whose posts I generally find to be quite perceptive. In this emotionally-charged installment, she discusses the many misperceptions the sighted public still often have about the capabilities of blind caregivers. While I have never been denied the privilege of holding a baby (at least no more than any other man is LOL), I know some people have faced this awkwardness and it is a heart-rending thing. I’m sending this along as an FYI, an interesting and sobering read, and in case any of you know anyone for whom this might be of help. I hope everyone enjoys a beautiful fall weekend!

EG

Eric Guillory, Director of Youth Services
Louisiana Center for the Blind
101 South Trenton Street
Ruston, LA 71270
Voice: 800-234-4166
Fax: 318-251-0109
Twitter: ericguillory
Skype: brllovingdad
www.louisianacenter.org<http://www.louisianacenter.org>

“Together, we are changing what it means to be blind.”

From: Life Unscripted [mailto:comment-reply at wordpress.com]
Sent: Thursday, December 3, 2015 10:00 PM
To: Eric Guillory <eguillory at louisianacenter.org>
Subject: [New post] I will Never Ask to Hold you Baby

blindbeader posted: "One day last week, all work instantly stopped at my office when our receptionist brought her infant granddaughter to our work area. Four women cooed, passed around and fussed over the baby. I was about to open my mouth and ask if I could hold her when our"
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I will Never Ask to Hold you Baby<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/2015/12/03/i-will-never-ask-to-hold-you-baby/>
by blindbeader<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/author/blindbeader/>

One day last week, all work instantly stopped at my office when our receptionist brought her infant granddaughter to our work area. Four women cooed, passed around and fussed over the baby. I was about to open my mouth and ask if I could hold her when our receptionist asked "Would you like to touch the baby while Jill [name changed] holds her?" My heart sank. I wanted more than anything to ask if I could hold the baby, but words just wouldn't come out. Even thinking about it now, nearly a week later, I regret not asking the question, even as I realize that a large piece of me feared that the answer would be no.

I have friends with children, some of whom I have known since they were infants and who are now approaching double digits in age. Looking back, I doubt I have ever initiated a baby-holding experience; I would be asked if I wanted to hold the baby or, in one memorable instance, had a baby unceremoniously plunked in my lap. I don't have an exact reason why this is, but I know a piece of me feels like the world would end if I were to ask to hold a baby and was told no, that's OK, or - perhaps even worse - miss the horrified or awkward or mistrustful glance that would accompany a hesitant, "OK."

And yet, one day, I wish to be a mother. It's been my dream for as long as I could remember. Several jobs ago, I thought I would stay at that job until I became pregnant and went on maternity leave, but life had other plans. Over the past few months, through all the changes that have gone on in my life, I have thought more about motherhood. What about being pregnant? Would I have to respond graciously to such insensitive questions<http://www.scarymommy.com/disabled-pregnant-woman-handles-insensitive-questions/> like "Where's the father in all this?" or "Are you allowed to have a baby?" or "Are you going to keep it?" And that's BEFORE giving birth! My biggest fear is having social workers involved in my parenting because of a perception that a disabled parent can't take care of an infant (think that won't happen? Think again<http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/disabled-parents-allowed-to-keep-newborn-son-1.1168401>).

Even a basic call-out to blind friends has produced heartbreaking fear and misconception of childcare capabilities expressed by family members, friends of friends, and strangers. More than one blind father has had store employees thank their 4-year-old for "taking Daddy to the store". One friend (the go-to "Cool" babysitter of the neighborhood) had one family refuse to have her look after their children unless a sighted (read: capable) person was with her. Another was told that his child was invited to a birthday party... only if a sighted parent brought them. And those were just the stories I heard in the span of about thirty minutes, with more comments of "Don't get me started; I'm talked to like I can't POSSIBLY take care of myself, much less a child." My heart grieves for a world where this is so.

So for those who have children, I don't wish to come across awkward and uncertain, but in fact I really am. My arms ache to hold that newborn, and I'd LOVE to get down on the floor and play dolls with your six-year-old. But I want to respect your autonomy as a parent to decide who watches, cuddles and holds your wonderful bundle of joy. but every piece of me is screaming that it's something I would love. But I can not ask. I don't think I could handle even a hesitant yes, and I know I couldn't handle a no. So please, ask me, because right now I'm not strong enough to take those first toddling steps myself.
blindbeader<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/author/blindbeader/> | December 3, 2015 at 8:59 pm | Tags: Awkwardness<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/?tag=awkwardness>, babies<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/?tag=babies>, childcare<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/?tag=childcare>, perceptions<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/?tag=perceptions> | Categories: blindness<https://blindbeader.wordpress.com/?cat=132675> | URL: http://wp.me/p4WWmy-5g
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