[musictlk] Question for You

[Buddy Collier]

Bill,

Well said. Thanks for sharing this with everyone on this list. We too easily forget that everyone has something they are dealing with. Ignorance is no small thing to have to work with, especially in a real time social situation. Sighted people depend so very heavily on nonverbal and visual cues that they can freeze up and not know how to act when those cues aren't going to apply in a sudden encounter. Patience, kindness and a friendly attitude on everyone's part will go along way to make many situations better.  The one who chooses these becomes the leader in that moment. 

Sent from my iPhone

> On Jun 27, 2015, at 8:31 PM, Bill via musictlk <musictlk at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Dear Anne,
> 
> There are not really any "cookie cutter" responses to these kinds of awkward
> situations.  But I would hope that, were I in that situation, I would say
> something like:
> "You can tell her yourself! Hello, my name is Anne Martin."  If you say it
> in a friendly tone and with a smile, you might make a friend. 
> 
> Remember, many sighted people are literally ignorant about us blind people
> or anyone with any kind of disability.  I don't use the term "ignorant" here
> in an insulting way.  I just mean that they simply do not know how to act or
> what to do when they come in contact with us.  
> 
> When these kinds of things happen, we have a decision to make.  Do we try to
> teach this ignorant person?  Do we accept the situation on their terms and
> later feel remorse?  Do we blast the person with some sharp words?  I have
> taken all three options at various points in my life.  On many occasions, my
> better self took the first of these options.  On some, I took the second or
> third approach.  In the long term, the first response, which really is the
> most loving thing, has brought the best results for me and the ignorant
> person.  The other person learns something and feels more comfortable with
> me and perhaps with the next blind person that crosses his or her path.  I
> take control of a less than ideal situation, feel better about myself, and
> possibly strike up a new acquaintance that may lead to friendship.
> 
> One thing to remember: that person expressed something positive about you
> albeit in a clumsy way.  There may have been other people who wanted to say
> something too but couldn't even get as far as this ignorant person did.  Our
> better self will extend the benefit of the doubt to someone like that and
> try to encourage them, not push them away with a slap on the hand.  Again, I
> am not going to sit here in my house of glass throwing stones because I have
> not always responded charitably to such comments in similar situations.
> But, by God's grace, I am learning all the time how to find a way to do the
> loving thing.
> 
> OK, there are my two cents for you.
> 
> Bill McCann
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: musictlk [mailto:musictlk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Anne Martin
> via musictlk
> Sent: Saturday, June 27, 2015 5:23 PM
> To: 'Music Talk Mailing List'
> Cc: Anne Martin
> Subject: [musictlk] Question for You
> 
>    
> I have a question for you.
> I am a singer, and soloist in my church.  Being that I'm blind with no
> visual contact, sometimes someone will say something like "tell her I
> enjoyed her music," and I'm standing right there.  I think it's because they
> don't have eye contact with me.  I should probably just speak back to them
> myself.  That's insulting to me, but I know it's a visual communication
> barrier.
> Please give me your thoughts.
> Thanks,
> Anne
> 
> 
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