[nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

Sun Nov 2 13:12:02 UTC 2008

I think so.  I think that there are certain things that blind tudents
should have socially as far as good social skills.  For one, they need
to be able to do god formal etiquette.  I took an etiquette class at
my Catholic school and we learned what to do at socialgatherings and
stuff.  Then, we need to know what's appropriate and not appropriate
to talk about in public, and the ... there's more that I can't think
of right now.
Beth

On 11/1/08, Sarah Jevnikar <sarah.jevnikar at utoronto.ca> wrote:
> Just a thought - since socialization is such a huge part of everything we'll
> do (including self-advocacy) - would it be possible to have a special
> socialization fact sheet? Having "good social skills" is such a broad topic.
> What do you guys think?
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Beth
> Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 3:44 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>
> I second all you said, Carey.  I think I'm a horrible cook, and I
> don't know anything much about health insurance.  adly, I don't think
> I had the courage and motivation to sneak out in my mom's kitchen and
> burn the meat.  It wasn't my food anyway.  But I agree that all the
> ideals in the way of skills should be minimals, but there's more to it
> than that.  We should add social readiness skills to that list.  I
> never went to prom or homecoming or made it to homecoming court
> because my social skills were below C level.  I mean, below sea level.
> (smile)  I've never really thought that here at FSU there would be
> more doors opening for me and blind people around to tell me this.  My
> ex-friend, and I mean EX friend told me that certain things just
> weren't socially appropriate.  But I'm sure that he'll probably learn
> that I never meant what I said.  I've been through all the normal
> social things, but I felt like a complete outcast in school because o
> a. my blindness and b. the psychological social things that nobody
> figured out until it was too late and my rep was ruined.
> Beth
>
> On 11/1/08, Carrie Gilmer <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hello All,
>>
>> The discussion on college-adult-flying the coop readiness has me thinking
>> and comparing my own readiness as a sighted high school graduate to my
> blind
>> son's, who is now in his senior HS year. I think it is a good comparative
>> and I would like to share it for your consideration. Although I graduated
> in
>> 1977, everything I needed then is still needed, and even more for someone
>> graduating today in 2008-09.
>>
>>
>>
>> I was 17 years old when I graduated from high school. I had already been
>> driving for two years, going all over my town, to big cities, and nearby
>> states on my own or with friends in the car. I had been riding a bike all
>> over town since I was eleven. I had taken city buses since I was in 7th
>> grade. The last time I had worried about street crossing was when I was
>> five.  I had been going to the mall and shopping alone since I was in 7th
>> grade and malls were invented. I knew how to read a map and ask for
>> directions or for assistance if I could not find something in a store. I
>> knew how to figure 20% off. I had already worked two years at Sears in the
>> clothing department when I graduated from high school. I was an excellent
>> reader, could take all notes for myself since middle school, knew how to
> use
>> the library and started learning research in middle school too. I knew how
>> to bake things like bread and cookies, and make a few simple meals. I
> could
>> make breakfast and lunches easily. I had been cleaning since middle school
>> also, dusting ,vac, laundry, yard work, dishes, bathrooms, ironing. I knew
>> how to study, and also how to respectfully argue with my teacher if I
>> thought an answer marked wrong should have been correct or was worded
> badly
>> on the test-smile. All my peers did the same things, and except for myself
>> being a classic under-achiever, there was little I needed to know to
> survive
>> on my own if I had to when I graduated from high school. About the only
>> thing I had glaringly no knowledge of was money and banking. I just cashed
>> my checks from Sears and spent them-smile. I didn't need to know any
>> technology because there wasn't any-smile.
>>
>>
>>
>> Now my son will graduate this spring. He has been all over town and across
>> country (planes, trains and automobiles-taxis, and buses) dozens of times
> on
>> his own already. He has not worried about crossing a street since he was
> 10
>> (never got a cane or travel instruction or much alone street experience in
>> our suburb until he was eight). He got sleep shade and travel training
> over
>> the summers every summer  from 2000 until 2007. He knows how to ask for
> any
>> kind of assistance, problem solve, and read directions and understand
>> someone else reading maps. He does have some usable vision, but is likely
> he
>> will not within the next four years-but he is able to change seamlessly
> from
>> the vision he has to no vision (sleepshades) without losing any skill
> level
>> or confidence. He actually has more independent long distance and
> unfamiliar
>> travel experience than some of his peers-on the other hand he has less in
>> those his age who are out driving extensively traveling alone everyday, on
>> the other hand he knows how to use public transportation (in several
>> different big cities) and many of his peers do not. If he were to go out
>> with peers, it is as likely that, while they may drive, he is the one who
>> knows where they are going and how to get there and back.
>>
>> I think there enough to worry about leaving home, if anything should be
>> ideal when doing so travel is at the top of my list.
>>
>>
>>
>> Cooking, and managing meal prep and time and getting groceries takes a lot
>> of practice and use a variety of skills and decision making. I burned a
> few
>> burgers and things myself before I got a good feel for it. I believe the
>> basics should be known whether or not you cook very much in your freshman
> or
>> sophomore years. Jordan has been making his own breakfast everyday,
>> including eggs, since he was a freshman in high school every morning. It
>> means he has long ago found out how to manage time and getting ready for
> the
>> day, established for himself morning routines and having failures of
> missing
>> buses, sleeping late,(these things only occurred a handful of times total)
>> desiring more or less to eat given when lunch might come that day and
>> anything else such as a brief going over of something for a test that day
> or
>> printing something off-all these things are second nature to him already.
> He
>> is leaving home with at least as much cooking, shopping, cleaning and time
>> management and organizational and decision making and emergency and
> advocacy
>> skill as I had-in many cases more.
>>
>>
>>
>> He knows more about money and banking than I did and it will serve him
> well.
>> He has ordered his own textbooks for two years and experienced the failure
>> of what happens if you forget to get with a teacher or order something in
>> enough time. He has organized all his own work and study habits since
> eighth
>> grade and lived with and learned from the poor choices. He knows all
>> computer and technology, including Excel and Power Point. He is not as
> fast
>> a reader as I was, he did not get Braille full time until sixth grade, but
>> he can read a speech aloud in Braille at the typical speech speed. He has
>> much more public speaking ability and experience than I did, this can only
>> help him immensely. He can take notes, including with the slate, but he
>> could use speed improvement. He knows how to research and how to hire and
>> find a reader. We need to work on the firing-smile. He has not had a real
>> job, it has been a choice between keeping up a 3.8 with nearly all honors
> or
>> AP classes. He does know how to work and understands business and societal
>> etiquette. He also has given summers to training with blindness skills
>> rather than working. He has had some small work experience-two or three
>> weeks twice in NFB related things, and hundreds of hours of varied
> volunteer
>> work. He has also participated in much more extra curricular than I did.
> Pep
>> and Jazz band, student council, Spanish club, school newspaper, etc. I
>> maintained a B average with average classes and was in no extra curricular
>> when I worked a job in high school. I ended up average, never finished
>> college myself, and don't make much money. He has a much better chance of
>> getting a good career and good pay with job security in something he is
>> passionate about- and he will never put his poor old mother in a nursing
>> home, smile. Isn't that what parents want-a better start for their own
> kids
>> than they had? Isn't that what kids should want too?
>>
>>
>>
>> So to shorten it up-he is leaving home with the same level of skills and
>> independent survival-maybe more in some cases of independence and better
>> informed choice of moral and time management and money things than I had
>> experience or mentorship with at the same age. I tell you what, I would be
>> uncomfortable with him leaving home with any smidgen of less skill than he
>> has. It all started in elementary school. In today's world and with all
> the
>> pressures and technologies and new things and making adult decisions for
> the
>> first time-those who have the most success and least stress, sighted or
>> blind, are those who started independence practice in every area needed
> for
>> adult life from the beginning. So in a way, I think many of the "ideals"
>> should be minimals: and are-for many of those sighted kids who are going
> off
>> to college. Granted many parents today have raised dependent sighted
>> kids-but their stress level is high and chances for success are at risk
> then
>> too. I don't want my son to just survive, I want him to thrive! And that
> is
>> what I want for all students. Sorry to talk about ya Jordan in public
>> again-hope you don't mind-that is life as the preacher's son (hope you
>> noticed the insert on not putting me in a nursing home). I hope you ask on
>> your website for high school students to demand really normal and high
>> expectations for themselves and from their parents and teachers. People
> are
>> more at risk from the bar set too low than too high.
>>
>>
>>
>> Best,
>>
>>
>>
>> Carrie Gilmer, President
>>
>> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
>>
>> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>>
>> NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
>>
>> Home Phone: 763-784-8590
>>
>> carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
>>
>> www.nfb.org/nopbc
>>
>>
>>
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