[nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

[Carrie Gilmer]

The whole social skills and etiquette thing is such an important area that a
well-known leader of ours in the area of vocational rehabilitation, Jim
Omvig, has said it is the crucial fourth ingredient needed for success-or
truly being capable of integrating. 

I have met college graduates, who have been employed in good jobs, eat with
such horrible manners that one can barley stand to sit at the same table.
Now they got the job because you don't have to eat in an interview, but I
totally believe that it would affect things among co-workers or clients and
make them lose respect for the un-mannered person if they ever went out to
eat together. Another example to think of, recently I read a parent post who
spoke of how wonderful it was that their child was so liked--absolutely
everyone fought over helping the child. Well that child has no friends in
reality, only caretakers. There is no equal and true friendship possible
here. When one gets the feeling of superiority because of always needing to
help another-viewing the other as equal doesn't happen. This child is being
set up for a very hard time. I also know people who were lazy and not used
to getting places on time or being self-organized because no one ever
expected those things of them. 

I want to point out though that this kind of lack of social and business
etiquette happens to sighted kids too. There are people who were raised with
no values on these things. There are also people I have known, sighted and
blind, who taught themselves and came to value etiquette despite not having
been raised that way. There is no sense in discussing whether etiquette is
fair or moral as a measure--it definitely is. I tend to think this way about
it. Take nose picking as a fun example. I knew sighted and bind kids who
picked their noses in public--or in view of others--at age ten. If so it is
I say, 80% their parents fault (meaning mostly) and 20% their own fault. If
they do it at age twenty five the percentage of responsibility is reversed.
If they do it at age thirty, it is all on them. 

I agree that this covers a very very broad area. You might want to address
it as social and business etiquette, using etiquette rather than skill. And
I want to point out that it really has less to do with blindness, I believe,
than opportunity and parents and teachers failing the child early on and the
student failing to take personal responsibility as they come to adulthood.
My parents didn't teach me about money as I said earlier, that and many
other things I had to teach myself. Sure it made some things harder in the
beginning, but now at age 49 if I am not wise with my money can I say it is
my parents or teachers fault? No. I went to every prom and homecoming--it
had no bearing on the outcome of my life. I am sure if we had one, studies
would show that it is not a sole predictor of successful outcomes in life.

I think it is very relevant for students to think of as important because of
the importance of it in employment outcomes as well as adding to a socially
happy time of it. Take Dr. Jernigan as an example. He was raised on a farm
in Tennessee, and with manners, but the family was not highly educated or
worldly, Dr. Jernigan taught himself and read extensively and found mentors
to teach him, and became to have superior social graces and the capability
of speaking and acting with senators, and governors, and presidents, and
heads of large companies with grace and confidence. Books on etiquette
abound, you can google manners, one can self teach and self improve--maybe
what you can do on your web site is place the expectation there and let
blind high school-ers know they have the same capability and responsibility
as everyone else and it will definitely affect their life and employment
capability.

 Well I got long thinking and winded again...don't worry I will be too busy
to write anything more for awhile, smile.
 
Carrie Gilmer, President
National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
Home Phone: 763-784-8590
carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
www.nfb.org/nopbc
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Sarah Jevnikar
Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 10:43 PM
To: 'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

Just a thought - since socialization is such a huge part of everything we'll
do (including self-advocacy) - would it be possible to have a special
socialization fact sheet? Having "good social skills" is such a broad topic.
What do you guys think?

-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Beth
Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 3:44 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

I second all you said, Carey.  I think I'm a horrible cook, and I
don't know anything much about health insurance.  adly, I don't think
I had the courage and motivation to sneak out in my mom's kitchen and
burn the meat.  It wasn't my food anyway.  But I agree that all the
ideals in the way of skills should be minimals, but there's more to it
than that.  We should add social readiness skills to that list.  I
never went to prom or homecoming or made it to homecoming court
because my social skills were below C level.  I mean, below sea level.
(smile)  I've never really thought that here at FSU there would be
more doors opening for me and blind people around to tell me this.  My
ex-friend, and I mean EX friend told me that certain things just
weren't socially appropriate.  But I'm sure that he'll probably learn
that I never meant what I said.  I've been through all the normal
social things, but I felt like a complete outcast in school because o
a. my blindness and b. the psychological social things that nobody
figured out until it was too late and my rep was ruined.
Beth