[nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

Sun Nov 2 16:38:24 UTC 2008

Awesome!

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Sarah Jevnikar" <sarah.jevnikar at utoronto.ca>
To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 10:43 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

> Just a thought - since socialization is such a huge part of everything 
> we'll
> do (including self-advocacy) - would it be possible to have a special
> socialization fact sheet? Having "good social skills" is such a broad 
> topic.
> What do you guys think?
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
> Behalf
> Of Beth
> Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 3:44 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>
> I second all you said, Carey.  I think I'm a horrible cook, and I
> don't know anything much about health insurance.  adly, I don't think
> I had the courage and motivation to sneak out in my mom's kitchen and
> burn the meat.  It wasn't my food anyway.  But I agree that all the
> ideals in the way of skills should be minimals, but there's more to it
> than that.  We should add social readiness skills to that list.  I
> never went to prom or homecoming or made it to homecoming court
> because my social skills were below C level.  I mean, below sea level.
> (smile)  I've never really thought that here at FSU there would be
> more doors opening for me and blind people around to tell me this.  My
> ex-friend, and I mean EX friend told me that certain things just
> weren't socially appropriate.  But I'm sure that he'll probably learn
> that I never meant what I said.  I've been through all the normal
> social things, but I felt like a complete outcast in school because o
> a. my blindness and b. the psychological social things that nobody
> figured out until it was too late and my rep was ruined.
> Beth
>
> On 11/1/08, Carrie Gilmer <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hello All,
>>
>> The discussion on college-adult-flying the coop readiness has me thinking
>> and comparing my own readiness as a sighted high school graduate to my
> blind
>> son's, who is now in his senior HS year. I think it is a good comparative
>> and I would like to share it for your consideration. Although I graduated
> in
>> 1977, everything I needed then is still needed, and even more for someone
>> graduating today in 2008-09.
>>
>>
>>
>> I was 17 years old when I graduated from high school. I had already been
>> driving for two years, going all over my town, to big cities, and nearby
>> states on my own or with friends in the car. I had been riding a bike all
>> over town since I was eleven. I had taken city buses since I was in 7th
>> grade. The last time I had worried about street crossing was when I was
>> five.  I had been going to the mall and shopping alone since I was in 7th
>> grade and malls were invented. I knew how to read a map and ask for
>> directions or for assistance if I could not find something in a store. I
>> knew how to figure 20% off. I had already worked two years at Sears in 
>> the
>> clothing department when I graduated from high school. I was an excellent
>> reader, could take all notes for myself since middle school, knew how to
> use
>> the library and started learning research in middle school too. I knew 
>> how
>> to bake things like bread and cookies, and make a few simple meals. I
> could
>> make breakfast and lunches easily. I had been cleaning since middle 
>> school
>> also, dusting ,vac, laundry, yard work, dishes, bathrooms, ironing. I 
>> knew
>> how to study, and also how to respectfully argue with my teacher if I
>> thought an answer marked wrong should have been correct or was worded
> badly
>> on the test-smile. All my peers did the same things, and except for 
>> myself
>> being a classic under-achiever, there was little I needed to know to
> survive
>> on my own if I had to when I graduated from high school. About the only
>> thing I had glaringly no knowledge of was money and banking. I just 
>> cashed
>> my checks from Sears and spent them-smile. I didn't need to know any
>> technology because there wasn't any-smile.
>>
>>
>>
>> Now my son will graduate this spring. He has been all over town and 
>> across
>> country (planes, trains and automobiles-taxis, and buses) dozens of times
> on
>> his own already. He has not worried about crossing a street since he was
> 10
>> (never got a cane or travel instruction or much alone street experience 
>> in
>> our suburb until he was eight). He got sleep shade and travel training
> over
>> the summers every summer  from 2000 until 2007. He knows how to ask for
> any
>> kind of assistance, problem solve, and read directions and understand
>> someone else reading maps. He does have some usable vision, but is likely
> he
>> will not within the next four years-but he is able to change seamlessly
> from
>> the vision he has to no vision (sleepshades) without losing any skill
> level
>> or confidence. He actually has more independent long distance and
> unfamiliar
>> travel experience than some of his peers-on the other hand he has less in
>> those his age who are out driving extensively traveling alone everyday, 
>> on
>> the other hand he knows how to use public transportation (in several
>> different big cities) and many of his peers do not. If he were to go out
>> with peers, it is as likely that, while they may drive, he is the one who
>> knows where they are going and how to get there and back.
>>
>> I think there enough to worry about leaving home, if anything should be
>> ideal when doing so travel is at the top of my list.
>>
>>
>>
>> Cooking, and managing meal prep and time and getting groceries takes a 
>> lot
>> of practice and use a variety of skills and decision making. I burned a
> few
>> burgers and things myself before I got a good feel for it. I believe the
>> basics should be known whether or not you cook very much in your freshman
> or
>> sophomore years. Jordan has been making his own breakfast everyday,
>> including eggs, since he was a freshman in high school every morning. It
>> means he has long ago found out how to manage time and getting ready for
> the
>> day, established for himself morning routines and having failures of
> missing
>> buses, sleeping late,(these things only occurred a handful of times 
>> total)
>> desiring more or less to eat given when lunch might come that day and
>> anything else such as a brief going over of something for a test that day
> or
>> printing something off-all these things are second nature to him already.
> He
>> is leaving home with at least as much cooking, shopping, cleaning and 
>> time
>> management and organizational and decision making and emergency and
> advocacy
>> skill as I had-in many cases more.
>>
>>
>>
>> He knows more about money and banking than I did and it will serve him
> well.
>> He has ordered his own textbooks for two years and experienced the 
>> failure
>> of what happens if you forget to get with a teacher or order something in
>> enough time. He has organized all his own work and study habits since
> eighth
>> grade and lived with and learned from the poor choices. He knows all
>> computer and technology, including Excel and Power Point. He is not as
> fast
>> a reader as I was, he did not get Braille full time until sixth grade, 
>> but
>> he can read a speech aloud in Braille at the typical speech speed. He has
>> much more public speaking ability and experience than I did, this can 
>> only
>> help him immensely. He can take notes, including with the slate, but he
>> could use speed improvement. He knows how to research and how to hire and
>> find a reader. We need to work on the firing-smile. He has not had a real
>> job, it has been a choice between keeping up a 3.8 with nearly all honors
> or
>> AP classes. He does know how to work and understands business and 
>> societal
>> etiquette. He also has given summers to training with blindness skills
>> rather than working. He has had some small work experience-two or three
>> weeks twice in NFB related things, and hundreds of hours of varied
> volunteer
>> work. He has also participated in much more extra curricular than I did.
> Pep
>> and Jazz band, student council, Spanish club, school newspaper, etc. I
>> maintained a B average with average classes and was in no extra 
>> curricular
>> when I worked a job in high school. I ended up average, never finished
>> college myself, and don't make much money. He has a much better chance of
>> getting a good career and good pay with job security in something he is
>> passionate about- and he will never put his poor old mother in a nursing
>> home, smile. Isn't that what parents want-a better start for their own
> kids
>> than they had? Isn't that what kids should want too?
>>
>>
>>
>> So to shorten it up-he is leaving home with the same level of skills and
>> independent survival-maybe more in some cases of independence and better
>> informed choice of moral and time management and money things than I had
>> experience or mentorship with at the same age. I tell you what, I would 
>> be
>> uncomfortable with him leaving home with any smidgen of less skill than 
>> he
>> has. It all started in elementary school. In today's world and with all
> the
>> pressures and technologies and new things and making adult decisions for
> the
>> first time-those who have the most success and least stress, sighted or
>> blind, are those who started independence practice in every area needed
> for
>> adult life from the beginning. So in a way, I think many of the "ideals"
>> should be minimals: and are-for many of those sighted kids who are going
> off
>> to college. Granted many parents today have raised dependent sighted
>> kids-but their stress level is high and chances for success are at risk
> then
>> too. I don't want my son to just survive, I want him to thrive! And that
> is
>> what I want for all students. Sorry to talk about ya Jordan in public
>> again-hope you don't mind-that is life as the preacher's son (hope you
>> noticed the insert on not putting me in a nursing home). I hope you ask 
>> on
>> your website for high school students to demand really normal and high
>> expectations for themselves and from their parents and teachers. People
> are
>> more at risk from the bar set too low than too high.
>>
>>
>>
>> Best,
>>
>>
>>
>> Carrie Gilmer, President
>>
>> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
>>
>> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>>
>> NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
>>
>> Home Phone: 763-784-8590
>>
>> carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
>>
>> www.nfb.org/nopbc
>>
>>
>>
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