[nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

Sat Nov 1 23:01:41 UTC 2008

Thanks, Carrie,
That was a wonderful testamony of a young man who will be truly empowered to 
survive in the real world.

Dezman
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Carrie Gilmer" <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com>
To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 1:13 PM
Subject: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

> Hello All,
>
> The discussion on college-adult-flying the coop readiness has me thinking
> and comparing my own readiness as a sighted high school graduate to my 
> blind
> son's, who is now in his senior HS year. I think it is a good comparative
> and I would like to share it for your consideration. Although I graduated 
> in
> 1977, everything I needed then is still needed, and even more for someone
> graduating today in 2008-09.
>
>
>
> I was 17 years old when I graduated from high school. I had already been
> driving for two years, going all over my town, to big cities, and nearby
> states on my own or with friends in the car. I had been riding a bike all
> over town since I was eleven. I had taken city buses since I was in 7th
> grade. The last time I had worried about street crossing was when I was
> five.  I had been going to the mall and shopping alone since I was in 7th
> grade and malls were invented. I knew how to read a map and ask for
> directions or for assistance if I could not find something in a store. I
> knew how to figure 20% off. I had already worked two years at Sears in the
> clothing department when I graduated from high school. I was an excellent
> reader, could take all notes for myself since middle school, knew how to 
> use
> the library and started learning research in middle school too. I knew how
> to bake things like bread and cookies, and make a few simple meals. I 
> could
> make breakfast and lunches easily. I had been cleaning since middle school
> also, dusting ,vac, laundry, yard work, dishes, bathrooms, ironing. I knew
> how to study, and also how to respectfully argue with my teacher if I
> thought an answer marked wrong should have been correct or was worded 
> badly
> on the test-smile. All my peers did the same things, and except for myself
> being a classic under-achiever, there was little I needed to know to 
> survive
> on my own if I had to when I graduated from high school. About the only
> thing I had glaringly no knowledge of was money and banking. I just cashed
> my checks from Sears and spent them-smile. I didn't need to know any
> technology because there wasn't any-smile.
>
>
>
> Now my son will graduate this spring. He has been all over town and across
> country (planes, trains and automobiles-taxis, and buses) dozens of times 
> on
> his own already. He has not worried about crossing a street since he was 
> 10
> (never got a cane or travel instruction or much alone street experience in
> our suburb until he was eight). He got sleep shade and travel training 
> over
> the summers every summer  from 2000 until 2007. He knows how to ask for 
> any
> kind of assistance, problem solve, and read directions and understand
> someone else reading maps. He does have some usable vision, but is likely 
> he
> will not within the next four years-but he is able to change seamlessly 
> from
> the vision he has to no vision (sleepshades) without losing any skill 
> level
> or confidence. He actually has more independent long distance and 
> unfamiliar
> travel experience than some of his peers-on the other hand he has less in
> those his age who are out driving extensively traveling alone everyday, on
> the other hand he knows how to use public transportation (in several
> different big cities) and many of his peers do not. If he were to go out
> with peers, it is as likely that, while they may drive, he is the one who
> knows where they are going and how to get there and back.
>
> I think there enough to worry about leaving home, if anything should be
> ideal when doing so travel is at the top of my list.
>
>
>
> Cooking, and managing meal prep and time and getting groceries takes a lot
> of practice and use a variety of skills and decision making. I burned a 
> few
> burgers and things myself before I got a good feel for it. I believe the
> basics should be known whether or not you cook very much in your freshman 
> or
> sophomore years. Jordan has been making his own breakfast everyday,
> including eggs, since he was a freshman in high school every morning. It
> means he has long ago found out how to manage time and getting ready for 
> the
> day, established for himself morning routines and having failures of 
> missing
> buses, sleeping late,(these things only occurred a handful of times total)
> desiring more or less to eat given when lunch might come that day and
> anything else such as a brief going over of something for a test that day 
> or
> printing something off-all these things are second nature to him already. 
> He
> is leaving home with at least as much cooking, shopping, cleaning and time
> management and organizational and decision making and emergency and 
> advocacy
> skill as I had-in many cases more.
>
>
>
> He knows more about money and banking than I did and it will serve him 
> well.
> He has ordered his own textbooks for two years and experienced the failure
> of what happens if you forget to get with a teacher or order something in
> enough time. He has organized all his own work and study habits since 
> eighth
> grade and lived with and learned from the poor choices. He knows all
> computer and technology, including Excel and Power Point. He is not as 
> fast
> a reader as I was, he did not get Braille full time until sixth grade, but
> he can read a speech aloud in Braille at the typical speech speed. He has
> much more public speaking ability and experience than I did, this can only
> help him immensely. He can take notes, including with the slate, but he
> could use speed improvement. He knows how to research and how to hire and
> find a reader. We need to work on the firing-smile. He has not had a real
> job, it has been a choice between keeping up a 3.8 with nearly all honors 
> or
> AP classes. He does know how to work and understands business and societal
> etiquette. He also has given summers to training with blindness skills
> rather than working. He has had some small work experience-two or three
> weeks twice in NFB related things, and hundreds of hours of varied 
> volunteer
> work. He has also participated in much more extra curricular than I did. 
> Pep
> and Jazz band, student council, Spanish club, school newspaper, etc. I
> maintained a B average with average classes and was in no extra curricular
> when I worked a job in high school. I ended up average, never finished
> college myself, and don't make much money. He has a much better chance of
> getting a good career and good pay with job security in something he is
> passionate about- and he will never put his poor old mother in a nursing
> home, smile. Isn't that what parents want-a better start for their own 
> kids
> than they had? Isn't that what kids should want too?
>
>
>
> So to shorten it up-he is leaving home with the same level of skills and
> independent survival-maybe more in some cases of independence and better
> informed choice of moral and time management and money things than I had
> experience or mentorship with at the same age. I tell you what, I would be
> uncomfortable with him leaving home with any smidgen of less skill than he
> has. It all started in elementary school. In today's world and with all 
> the
> pressures and technologies and new things and making adult decisions for 
> the
> first time-those who have the most success and least stress, sighted or
> blind, are those who started independence practice in every area needed 
> for
> adult life from the beginning. So in a way, I think many of the "ideals"
> should be minimals: and are-for many of those sighted kids who are going 
> off
> to college. Granted many parents today have raised dependent sighted
> kids-but their stress level is high and chances for success are at risk 
> then
> too. I don't want my son to just survive, I want him to thrive! And that 
> is
> what I want for all students. Sorry to talk about ya Jordan in public
> again-hope you don't mind-that is life as the preacher's son (hope you
> noticed the insert on not putting me in a nursing home). I hope you ask on
> your website for high school students to demand really normal and high
> expectations for themselves and from their parents and teachers. People 
> are
> more at risk from the bar set too low than too high.
>
>
>
> Best,
>
>
>
> Carrie Gilmer, President
>
> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
>
> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>
> NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
>
> Home Phone: 763-784-8590
>
> carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
>
> www.nfb.org/nopbc
>
>
>
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