[nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

[Beth]

I don't usually hang out with friends in their dorm rooms.  But
remember the young man I told you about in a post on another topic?
This young man and I hung out in his room until, like, twelve-thirty
at night without realizig it.  We absolutely enjoyed being together.
But I don't have any trouble trying to be a friend.  With most people
that help me, I always open the door for them and say, "Let's have a
cup of coffee/coke or something."
Beth

On 11/2/08, Serena <serenacucco at verizon.net> wrote:
> How about learning how to be a friend without being a burden and not
> over-staying your welcome, let's say, in your friends' dorm rooms
>
> Serena.
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Beth" <thebluesisloose at gmail.com>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Sunday, November 02, 2008 12:29 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>
>
>>I like all these ideas.
>> Beth
>>
>> On 11/2/08, Carrie Gilmer <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> The whole social skills and etiquette thing is such an important area
>>> that a
>>> well-known leader of ours in the area of vocational rehabilitation, Jim
>>> Omvig, has said it is the crucial fourth ingredient needed for success-or
>>> truly being capable of integrating.
>>>
>>> I have met college graduates, who have been employed in good jobs, eat
>>> with
>>> such horrible manners that one can barley stand to sit at the same table.
>>> Now they got the job because you don't have to eat in an interview, but I
>>> totally believe that it would affect things among co-workers or clients
>>> and
>>> make them lose respect for the un-mannered person if they ever went out
>>> to
>>> eat together. Another example to think of, recently I read a parent post
>>> who
>>> spoke of how wonderful it was that their child was so liked--absolutely
>>> everyone fought over helping the child. Well that child has no friends in
>>> reality, only caretakers. There is no equal and true friendship possible
>>> here. When one gets the feeling of superiority because of always needing
>>> to
>>> help another-viewing the other as equal doesn't happen. This child is
>>> being
>>> set up for a very hard time. I also know people who were lazy and not
>>> used
>>> to getting places on time or being self-organized because no one ever
>>> expected those things of them.
>>>
>>> I want to point out though that this kind of lack of social and business
>>> etiquette happens to sighted kids too. There are people who were raised
>>> with
>>> no values on these things. There are also people I have known, sighted
>>> and
>>> blind, who taught themselves and came to value etiquette despite not
>>> having
>>> been raised that way. There is no sense in discussing whether etiquette
>>> is
>>> fair or moral as a measure--it definitely is. I tend to think this way
>>> about
>>> it. Take nose picking as a fun example. I knew sighted and bind kids who
>>> picked their noses in public--or in view of others--at age ten. If so it
>>> is
>>> I say, 80% their parents fault (meaning mostly) and 20% their own fault.
>>> If
>>> they do it at age twenty five the percentage of responsibility is
>>> reversed.
>>> If they do it at age thirty, it is all on them.
>>>
>>> I agree that this covers a very very broad area. You might want to
>>> address
>>> it as social and business etiquette, using etiquette rather than skill.
>>> And
>>> I want to point out that it really has less to do with blindness, I
>>> believe,
>>> than opportunity and parents and teachers failing the child early on and
>>> the
>>> student failing to take personal responsibility as they come to
>>> adulthood.
>>> My parents didn't teach me about money as I said earlier, that and many
>>> other things I had to teach myself. Sure it made some things harder in
>>> the
>>> beginning, but now at age 49 if I am not wise with my money can I say it
>>> is
>>> my parents or teachers fault? No. I went to every prom and homecoming--it
>>> had no bearing on the outcome of my life. I am sure if we had one,
>>> studies
>>> would show that it is not a sole predictor of successful outcomes in
>>> life.
>>>
>>> I think it is very relevant for students to think of as important because
>>>
>>> of
>>> the importance of it in employment outcomes as well as adding to a
>>> socially
>>> happy time of it. Take Dr. Jernigan as an example. He was raised on a
>>> farm
>>> in Tennessee, and with manners, but the family was not highly educated or
>>> worldly, Dr. Jernigan taught himself and read extensively and found
>>> mentors
>>> to teach him, and became to have superior social graces and the
>>> capability
>>> of speaking and acting with senators, and governors, and presidents, and
>>> heads of large companies with grace and confidence. Books on etiquette
>>> abound, you can google manners, one can self teach and self
>>> improve--maybe
>>> what you can do on your web site is place the expectation there and let
>>> blind high school-ers know they have the same capability and
>>> responsibility
>>> as everyone else and it will definitely affect their life and employment
>>> capability.
>>>
>>>  Well I got long thinking and winded again...don't worry I will be too
>>> busy
>>> to write anything more for awhile, smile.
>>>
>>> Carrie Gilmer, President
>>> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
>>> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>>> NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
>>> Home Phone: 763-784-8590
>>> carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
>>> www.nfb.org/nopbc
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>> Behalf
>>> Of Sarah Jevnikar
>>> Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 10:43 PM
>>> To: 'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'
>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>>>
>>> Just a thought - since socialization is such a huge part of everything
>>> we'll
>>> do (including self-advocacy) - would it be possible to have a special
>>> socialization fact sheet? Having "good social skills" is such a broad
>>> topic.
>>> What do you guys think?
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>>> Behalf
>>> Of Beth
>>> Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 3:44 PM
>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>>>
>>> I second all you said, Carey.  I think I'm a horrible cook, and I
>>> don't know anything much about health insurance.  adly, I don't think
>>> I had the courage and motivation to sneak out in my mom's kitchen and
>>> burn the meat.  It wasn't my food anyway.  But I agree that all the
>>> ideals in the way of skills should be minimals, but there's more to it
>>> than that.  We should add social readiness skills to that list.  I
>>> never went to prom or homecoming or made it to homecoming court
>>> because my social skills were below C level.  I mean, below sea level.
>>> (smile)  I've never really thought that here at FSU there would be
>>> more doors opening for me and blind people around to tell me this.  My
>>> ex-friend, and I mean EX friend told me that certain things just
>>> weren't socially appropriate.  But I'm sure that he'll probably learn
>>> that I never meant what I said.  I've been through all the normal
>>> social things, but I felt like a complete outcast in school because o
>>> a. my blindness and b. the psychological social things that nobody
>>> figured out until it was too late and my rep was ruined.
>>> Beth
>>>
>>>
>>>
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