[nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

Sun Nov 2 16:45:06 UTC 2008

How about learning how to be a friend without being a burden and not 
over-staying your welcome, let's say, in your friends' dorm rooms

Serena.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Beth" <thebluesisloose at gmail.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sunday, November 02, 2008 12:29 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

>I like all these ideas.
> Beth
>
> On 11/2/08, Carrie Gilmer <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> wrote:
>> The whole social skills and etiquette thing is such an important area 
>> that a
>> well-known leader of ours in the area of vocational rehabilitation, Jim
>> Omvig, has said it is the crucial fourth ingredient needed for success-or
>> truly being capable of integrating.
>>
>> I have met college graduates, who have been employed in good jobs, eat 
>> with
>> such horrible manners that one can barley stand to sit at the same table.
>> Now they got the job because you don't have to eat in an interview, but I
>> totally believe that it would affect things among co-workers or clients 
>> and
>> make them lose respect for the un-mannered person if they ever went out 
>> to
>> eat together. Another example to think of, recently I read a parent post 
>> who
>> spoke of how wonderful it was that their child was so liked--absolutely
>> everyone fought over helping the child. Well that child has no friends in
>> reality, only caretakers. There is no equal and true friendship possible
>> here. When one gets the feeling of superiority because of always needing 
>> to
>> help another-viewing the other as equal doesn't happen. This child is 
>> being
>> set up for a very hard time. I also know people who were lazy and not 
>> used
>> to getting places on time or being self-organized because no one ever
>> expected those things of them.
>>
>> I want to point out though that this kind of lack of social and business
>> etiquette happens to sighted kids too. There are people who were raised 
>> with
>> no values on these things. There are also people I have known, sighted 
>> and
>> blind, who taught themselves and came to value etiquette despite not 
>> having
>> been raised that way. There is no sense in discussing whether etiquette 
>> is
>> fair or moral as a measure--it definitely is. I tend to think this way 
>> about
>> it. Take nose picking as a fun example. I knew sighted and bind kids who
>> picked their noses in public--or in view of others--at age ten. If so it 
>> is
>> I say, 80% their parents fault (meaning mostly) and 20% their own fault. 
>> If
>> they do it at age twenty five the percentage of responsibility is 
>> reversed.
>> If they do it at age thirty, it is all on them.
>>
>> I agree that this covers a very very broad area. You might want to 
>> address
>> it as social and business etiquette, using etiquette rather than skill. 
>> And
>> I want to point out that it really has less to do with blindness, I 
>> believe,
>> than opportunity and parents and teachers failing the child early on and 
>> the
>> student failing to take personal responsibility as they come to 
>> adulthood.
>> My parents didn't teach me about money as I said earlier, that and many
>> other things I had to teach myself. Sure it made some things harder in 
>> the
>> beginning, but now at age 49 if I am not wise with my money can I say it 
>> is
>> my parents or teachers fault? No. I went to every prom and homecoming--it
>> had no bearing on the outcome of my life. I am sure if we had one, 
>> studies
>> would show that it is not a sole predictor of successful outcomes in 
>> life.
>>
>> I think it is very relevant for students to think of as important because 
>> of
>> the importance of it in employment outcomes as well as adding to a 
>> socially
>> happy time of it. Take Dr. Jernigan as an example. He was raised on a 
>> farm
>> in Tennessee, and with manners, but the family was not highly educated or
>> worldly, Dr. Jernigan taught himself and read extensively and found 
>> mentors
>> to teach him, and became to have superior social graces and the 
>> capability
>> of speaking and acting with senators, and governors, and presidents, and
>> heads of large companies with grace and confidence. Books on etiquette
>> abound, you can google manners, one can self teach and self 
>> improve--maybe
>> what you can do on your web site is place the expectation there and let
>> blind high school-ers know they have the same capability and 
>> responsibility
>> as everyone else and it will definitely affect their life and employment
>> capability.
>>
>>  Well I got long thinking and winded again...don't worry I will be too 
>> busy
>> to write anything more for awhile, smile.
>>
>> Carrie Gilmer, President
>> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
>> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>> NFB National Center: 410-659-9314
>> Home Phone: 763-784-8590
>> carrie.gilmer at gmail.com
>> www.nfb.org/nopbc
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
>> Behalf
>> Of Sarah Jevnikar
>> Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 10:43 PM
>> To: 'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>>
>> Just a thought - since socialization is such a huge part of everything 
>> we'll
>> do (including self-advocacy) - would it be possible to have a special
>> socialization fact sheet? Having "good social skills" is such a broad 
>> topic.
>> What do you guys think?
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
>> Behalf
>> Of Beth
>> Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2008 3:44 PM
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative
>>
>> I second all you said, Carey.  I think I'm a horrible cook, and I
>> don't know anything much about health insurance.  adly, I don't think
>> I had the courage and motivation to sneak out in my mom's kitchen and
>> burn the meat.  It wasn't my food anyway.  But I agree that all the
>> ideals in the way of skills should be minimals, but there's more to it
>> than that.  We should add social readiness skills to that list.  I
>> never went to prom or homecoming or made it to homecoming court
>> because my social skills were below C level.  I mean, below sea level.
>> (smile)  I've never really thought that here at FSU there would be
>> more doors opening for me and blind people around to tell me this.  My
>> ex-friend, and I mean EX friend told me that certain things just
>> weren't socially appropriate.  But I'm sure that he'll probably learn
>> that I never meant what I said.  I've been through all the normal
>> social things, but I felt like a complete outcast in school because o
>> a. my blindness and b. the psychological social things that nobody
>> figured out until it was too late and my rep was ruined.
>> Beth
>>
>>
>>
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>
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