[nabs-l] friends

Tue Nov 4 07:44:01 UTC 2008

I often go it alone, more because I'm afraid to ask someone for help because
I think they'll have to make a special trip to do something with me. Canes
and food make an interesting combo though - I try to stick to bowls if I
can, avoid soup entirely when travelling with it, and put whatever I can
(bottled drinks, packaged things/things that won't spill, in bags that I can
hang off my wrist or something. But it does take some practice and is by no
means fool proof.

-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
Of Beth
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2008 10:50 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds

I looooooove bowling.  I usually get my ten frames wrth with
friends,but there are other things I won't do alone either: going to
concerts, which I have to do anyway; going to restaurants, which is
fine with me because I don't have to carry food around which I don't
know how to do because I don't feel I can hold a plate with one hand
and cane with another, and we don't have trays at FSU, no we don't;
and going to parties and such.  I absolutely refuse to make an
appearence at anything alone.  I'd rater be in a group of friends
because I don't want to look weird or anything.
Beth

On 11/3/08, Serena <serenacucco at verizon.net> wrote:
> Hi Harry
>
> I'd have to disagree about adapted sports, especially bowling.  I love
> bowling!  I'll admit, I'm not that great, but who cares.  All sighted
people
> really have to do for me is help me line up so the ball will go down the
> middle of the lane.  Also, my deaf-blind friend (I mentioned in a recent
> post asking about AIM) loves every sport you can imagine, including golf!
> He can see a little bit, but I think he mostly functions as a blind person
> as far as sports.  If you have any specific questions you'd like me to ask
> him, I'm sure he'd be happy to tell me info to help someone else!
>
> Serena
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Harry Hogue" <harryhogue at yahoo.com>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, November 03, 2008 7:09 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds
>
>
> Great topic, guys. I have never had really close friends, either. Een in
> college, I neer developed close relationships--more like people I talk to
> during class, etc. Part of that is my personality--I get really quiet in a
> group and jsut naturally prefer to be in a smaller group of people (like
one
> or two ther people). I have joined the chess club--yes I am a nerd
lol--and
> really like it, and get along great with those folks. I go to the Spanish
> table once a weekand do other things--so I make a concerted effort. It is
> good to know that I am not the only blind perso nthat suffers from these
> feelings.
>
> I would loe to get out there and be able to play soccer--the real thing,
not
> some weird modified ersion with sighted people helping. Does anyone else
> feel this way? If this is better addressed either off list or on the
sports
> and rec list, that's fine. Just thinking of extracurricular activities
that
> I would like to participate in but can't. Soemthign we don't really
say--but
> when we say that people can participate equally--I don't know that it is
> entirely true when it comes to sports. Granted I've never done it the way
> they migh suggest, but bowling... I see no way of a totally blind person
to
> bowl and get the same experience out of it with out sighted help that
> diminishes the experience; likewise, beep baseball and the other adapted
> sports. Dont' mean to go off on something I don't know much about, but I
> think it does fit in well with our discussion of social integration and
> making friends, etc. Thoughts?
>
> Harry
>
>
> --- On Mon, 11/3/08, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> From: Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com>
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Date: Monday, November 3, 2008, 1:56 PM
>
> You are right, Carey.  The people in question could be too busy.
> However, may I point out that my younger brother, eighteen years old,
> already has a girlfriend and runs around everywhere with her?  I am
> envious of every sighted person who has a significant other, and you
> know why he has her?  Because he can immitate appropriate social
> skills.  I am a firm believer in having good social skills as a
> prerequisite to scoring with the oppoite sex.  The key to winning a
> successful date and keeping that significant other is having good
> social skills.  I have a young man in college here at FSU who is a
> friend, but he understands unlike the previous people I've dealt with,
> the nature of blindness and its accessories because his mom had a
> blind student.  I've spoken to him and his mom about this issue and it
> just makes sense that he wouldn't simply give up on me as a friend.  I
> admit I did a few things he didn't like, but then he admitted he
> wouldn't give up.
> Beth
>
> On 11/3/08, Carrie Gilmer <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> wrote:
>> I would just like to add to Beth and Hope,
>>
>> Jordan has not had many social offers himself. And he is well liked and
> this
>> is key-respected- in class and in the extra curricular groups. I have
> found
>> that blind people maybe especially need to be very pro-active on this. I
>> told him once that to eat lunch with others he needed to initiate, or to
> go
>> out, he needed to call. I told him he was not like a Hollywood Star,
> people
>> were not going to line up to go out with him. In my own life, as a
sighted
>> person, I can tell you that nearly every one of my friendships are
because
> I
>> my self kept in contact. I called, I made the lunch date, I invited them
>> over, I remembered the birthday card. I have friends from grade school
>> still, but most often I am the one to keep up the contact. It is often
> that
>> way, some people are better at it. I never care or make anyone feel it
>> mattered if they haven't called me for three years, I don't even
> listen to
>> the "excuse" I just say forget it, how are you now, wanna do
> lunch on
>> Thursday and catch up?
>>
>> I know that there are people who will avoid the blindness, most are
though
>> just unsure. But I think it can affect fro your end too, in the can you
> walk
>> the walk you talk totally? Like that little girl I mentioned, IF your
> skill
>> level and independence is not truly equal that can effect. But on the
> other
>> hand kids know Jordan is equal to them in school, I think sometimes they
>> don't realize he is equally independent out of school too. On the
> other
>> hand, he is often too busy to have any free time to go out, and these
days
> I
>> know a lot of students (my husband is a high school teacher) who are high
>> GPA, working jobs, volunteering and in extra curricular and they don't
> have
>> time much either. So I think they aren't calling like he isn't,
> just too
>> busy!
>>
>>
>>
>> Carrie Gilmer, President
>> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
>> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>> NFB National Center:
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