[nabs-l] friends

Tue Nov 4 09:05:41 UTC 2008

Boy.  Canes and food make a good combo for sure.  As far as blind
friends go, Arielle, I'm kind of nervous about the idea of blind
friends.  I currently have a blind friend who's not speaking to me
because of something another friend since junior college told him.
One of the members of this list and I talk on the phone and we said
sometime ago that sometimes, people have nothing better to do than
spread rumors in the blind community, which can have adverse effects
on people's frienships.  Yes, this happens in the sighted world too,
but I feel it can be more compounded in the blind community because we
need each other so bad.  This friend, the one who's not speakng to me
currently, I saw in person, but he seems so unchangeable.  It worries
me if people do change.  I think there is one skill we need to learn,
and it's something we can talk more about on the Faith-talk list, but
I think we could talk about it here as well because it's important for
students, adults, kids, everybody: we mustlearn to ward off false
rumors about each other, learn to know the truth about someone, and
most of all, learn forgiveness amongst other things.  People like my
frend don't seem to have it down pat, but that skill will win you more
friends and good bosses in the work world in my opinion.
Beth

On 11/4/08, Sarah Jevnikar <sarah.jevnikar at utoronto.ca> wrote:
> I often go it alone, more because I'm afraid to ask someone for help because
> I think they'll have to make a special trip to do something with me. Canes
> and food make an interesting combo though - I try to stick to bowls if I
> can, avoid soup entirely when travelling with it, and put whatever I can
> (bottled drinks, packaged things/things that won't spill, in bags that I can
> hang off my wrist or something. But it does take some practice and is by no
> means fool proof.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf
> Of Beth
> Sent: Monday, November 03, 2008 10:50 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds
>
> I looooooove bowling.  I usually get my ten frames wrth with
> friends,but there are other things I won't do alone either: going to
> concerts, which I have to do anyway; going to restaurants, which is
> fine with me because I don't have to carry food around which I don't
> know how to do because I don't feel I can hold a plate with one hand
> and cane with another, and we don't have trays at FSU, no we don't;
> and going to parties and such.  I absolutely refuse to make an
> appearence at anything alone.  I'd rater be in a group of friends
> because I don't want to look weird or anything.
> Beth
>
> On 11/3/08, Serena <serenacucco at verizon.net> wrote:
>> Hi Harry
>>
>> I'd have to disagree about adapted sports, especially bowling.  I love
>> bowling!  I'll admit, I'm not that great, but who cares.  All sighted
> people
>> really have to do for me is help me line up so the ball will go down the
>> middle of the lane.  Also, my deaf-blind friend (I mentioned in a recent
>> post asking about AIM) loves every sport you can imagine, including golf!
>> He can see a little bit, but I think he mostly functions as a blind person
>> as far as sports.  If you have any specific questions you'd like me to ask
>> him, I'm sure he'd be happy to tell me info to help someone else!
>>
>> Serena
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Harry Hogue" <harryhogue at yahoo.com>
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, November 03, 2008 7:09 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds
>>
>>
>> Great topic, guys. I have never had really close friends, either. Een in
>> college, I neer developed close relationships--more like people I talk to
>> during class, etc. Part of that is my personality--I get really quiet in a
>> group and jsut naturally prefer to be in a smaller group of people (like
> one
>> or two ther people). I have joined the chess club--yes I am a nerd
> lol--and
>> really like it, and get along great with those folks. I go to the Spanish
>> table once a weekand do other things--so I make a concerted effort. It is
>> good to know that I am not the only blind perso nthat suffers from these
>> feelings.
>>
>> I would loe to get out there and be able to play soccer--the real thing,
> not
>> some weird modified ersion with sighted people helping. Does anyone else
>> feel this way? If this is better addressed either off list or on the
> sports
>> and rec list, that's fine. Just thinking of extracurricular activities
> that
>> I would like to participate in but can't. Soemthign we don't really
> say--but
>> when we say that people can participate equally--I don't know that it is
>> entirely true when it comes to sports. Granted I've never done it the way
>> they migh suggest, but bowling... I see no way of a totally blind person
> to
>> bowl and get the same experience out of it with out sighted help that
>> diminishes the experience; likewise, beep baseball and the other adapted
>> sports. Dont' mean to go off on something I don't know much about, but I
>> think it does fit in well with our discussion of social integration and
>> making friends, etc. Thoughts?
>>
>> Harry
>>
>>
>> --- On Mon, 11/3/08, Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> From: Beth <thebluesisloose at gmail.com>
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] freinds
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Date: Monday, November 3, 2008, 1:56 PM
>>
>> You are right, Carey.  The people in question could be too busy.
>> However, may I point out that my younger brother, eighteen years old,
>> already has a girlfriend and runs around everywhere with her?  I am
>> envious of every sighted person who has a significant other, and you
>> know why he has her?  Because he can immitate appropriate social
>> skills.  I am a firm believer in having good social skills as a
>> prerequisite to scoring with the oppoite sex.  The key to winning a
>> successful date and keeping that significant other is having good
>> social skills.  I have a young man in college here at FSU who is a
>> friend, but he understands unlike the previous people I've dealt with,
>> the nature of blindness and its accessories because his mom had a
>> blind student.  I've spoken to him and his mom about this issue and it
>> just makes sense that he wouldn't simply give up on me as a friend.  I
>> admit I did a few things he didn't like, but then he admitted he
>> wouldn't give up.
>> Beth
>>
>> On 11/3/08, Carrie Gilmer <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> I would just like to add to Beth and Hope,
>>>
>>> Jordan has not had many social offers himself. And he is well liked and
>> this
>>> is key-respected- in class and in the extra curricular groups. I have
>> found
>>> that blind people maybe especially need to be very pro-active on this. I
>>> told him once that to eat lunch with others he needed to initiate, or to
>> go
>>> out, he needed to call. I told him he was not like a Hollywood Star,
>> people
>>> were not going to line up to go out with him. In my own life, as a
> sighted
>>> person, I can tell you that nearly every one of my friendships are
> because
>> I
>>> my self kept in contact. I called, I made the lunch date, I invited them
>>> over, I remembered the birthday card. I have friends from grade school
>>> still, but most often I am the one to keep up the contact. It is often
>> that
>>> way, some people are better at it. I never care or make anyone feel it
>>> mattered if they haven't called me for three years, I don't even
>> listen to
>>> the "excuse" I just say forget it, how are you now, wanna do
>> lunch on
>>> Thursday and catch up?
>>>
>>> I know that there are people who will avoid the blindness, most are
> though
>>> just unsure. But I think it can affect fro your end too, in the can you
>> walk
>>> the walk you talk totally? Like that little girl I mentioned, IF your
>> skill
>>> level and independence is not truly equal that can effect. But on the
>> other
>>> hand kids know Jordan is equal to them in school, I think sometimes they
>>> don't realize he is equally independent out of school too. On the
>> other
>>> hand, he is often too busy to have any free time to go out, and these
> days
>> I
>>> know a lot of students (my husband is a high school teacher) who are high
>>> GPA, working jobs, volunteering and in extra curricular and they don't
>> have
>>> time much either. So I think they aren't calling like he isn't,
>> just too
>>> busy!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Carrie Gilmer, President
>>> National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
>>> A Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>>> NFB National Center:
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