[nabs-l] O/T How You Do It

[Joe Orozco]

 Listen up folks,
 
Those of you graduating in May and joining the rest of us in the working
world, this is how you make life less stressful.  And, if you've got more
school beyond this May, reading this amusing little article is how you
postpone studying for those finals.--Joe Orozco
 
 Take a Day Off -- On the Clock
By Steven Yang

I use all my vacation days. I read in a self-help book last year that when
you have a superior mind, you have to give it time to breathe. So I let mine
breathe at comic book stores and "World of Warcraft" conventions. The
problem is that when you're as bright as I am, you need more than the two
weeks of vacation a year I get at this company. Six to eight would be about
right.

I usually blow through my vacation time by April or May, which means I need
to find other ways to take time off. I'll be honest; I've gotten pretty good
at it. I use a few different tactics, but here is the tried-and-true method
that will always get me a day away from the office.

I start out by sending an e-mail to everyone the night before that says I'll
be in late the next day because I have a contractor coming over to give me
an estimate on my floors (or something similar). I don't even own my
apartment, but my boss isn't smart enough to catch on. So I get to sleep in
and spend the morning eating cereal and watching cartoons.

When I finally get into the office around 11, I surf the web for a while
after putting up a sign on my door that says, "Extremely Busy, E-Mail Only
Please." I counter that by setting my e-mail office assistant with a message
that states I will be in and out of the office a lot today and will return
your e-mail when I can. It's a thing of beauty. I also decline all meetings
for the day and say that I have a conflicting "high-pri" meeting.

Then I swing by my boss' office around noon and let him know that I have a
doctor's appointment over lunch and that the office always runs slow. By
this time, he's totally forgotten that I came in late because he's too busy
checking his fantasy football team and kissing up to his manager. This buys
me about three hours. Mind you, I still haven't done any work.

My three-hour lunch starts at my favorite bar eating potato skins and
knocking back a few vodka shots. The nice thing about vodka is that no one
can smell it on your breath. Major score. I follow that up with a trip to
the comic book store and then swing by the office for the rest of the day. I
usually do this on Fridays because everyone is out by 4 (they have zero work
ethic). So that puts me back in the office a little after three with an hour
to go. I watch a few more viral clips on the Internet and then make the
rounds to chat people up until it's time to go. This is "hideout" time
because it's when my boss usually comes looking for me to do his work. While
I don't have a ton of friends at work, I can usually find someone to talk to
about movies or superheroes before I head out the back stairs for the day.

All without ever even opening my e-mail.