[nabs-l] Dating and relationships

Sat Dec 12 17:04:51 UTC 2009

Hello,

I guess I'm the skunk at the picnic.  Definitions of what constitutes
healthy relationships is a boundless question and one that has universal
appeal to both blind and sighted people alike.  Twelve hour's worth of
discussion would not get a group of people to agree on a good definition,
because each person's perspectives are so different.

Overall, I'm missing the point of how dating and relationships has a very
significant influence on the work of a student division.  Is it a good
social talk?  Most definitely.  Will it get us any closer to making NABS
compete for influence over students who need to learn about independence?  I
don't think so, but I am not a complete rainmaker.  I think it comes down to
strategy, and in the hot subject of romance I think the better venue would
be a breakout session at one of the division's two annual gatherings.

Now, I do not like criticisms without constructive feedback, so here are the
questions I would use to structure the conversation in a way that may help
participants come away with more than just ten tips on how to seduce and
conquer.

1. What are some good websites that give detailed descriptions of current
fashions and general clothing lines?

2. Who should you take to the store to help you select items of clothing,
and what are some good expectations to set for them so that they do not
dress you according to their personal views?

3. How do ladies go about the task of applying makeup?  Are there stores
that feature representatives who can take the time to do this?

4. Where can guys learn about professional dress, ironing, facial hair
maintenance, etc.

5. Where can both guys and girls learn about table etiquette?

6. How do you pull off using taxis?  How do you decide on this versus public
transportation?  If you're walking, how do you survey the terrain?  Do you
take the guide dog, or do you bust out the cane?

7. If the other person is sighted, how do you diplomatically set
expectations of walking hand-in-hand versus overkill on the sighted guide?

8. How far in advance should you plan your trip so that you are doing as
much of it independently and minimize the need for questions once you are
there?

There are dozens of others, but I think you will find these questions will
generally help you in daily life, not just dates, which I think would be a
better return on your investment of time.  My senior year in high school I
actually went to the hotel where our prom would be held two weeks in advance
so that I could get a sense of the layout, learn bathroom locations, that
sort of thing.  My friend and I, who would end up double dating with two
ladies, picked a restaurant, mapped the location of where it was in relation
to the hotel, identified a few options for ourselves after the dance, and
while this may all seem like too much strategy, I can assure you that on the
night of said prom, I was more focused on my date than I was on where the
heck we might or might not end up.  Some people might find excitement from
being adventurous.  There is a way to accomplish this, but this has to do
with your confidence as a traveler.  If you do not feel comfortable
deviating from your plans to go to Restaurant X instead of Restaurant Y, you
have bigger issues far removed from deciding whether or not you're going to
ask the girl out.

At any rate, personal views of strategy notwithstanding, the conversation
should prove interesting, I am sure, and I commend the Membership guys for
holding these calls.

Joe Orozco

"A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the
crowd."--Max Lucado 

-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org 
[mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Darian Smith
Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 9:13 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships

Melissa,   you bring up a good point that I'm not sure you are even
aware you did.
  The matter of what is a healthy relationship and what isn't.  
I honestly like the fact this topic was brought up and hope 
that more contributions  are added to this string and that you 
all  are able to attend the call and share your views on this 
stuff! I love it.
 Thanks Antonio!
 Darian

On 12/11/09, Melissa Green <graduate56 at juno.com> wrote:
> Hey what about this question.
> what is the definition of dating?, a relationship? and what is the 
> diference?
> I think that dating and or a relationship get confused.
> If someone asks you to give up your friends, or your family.
> That is not a good sign.
> That is unhealthy.
>
> Sincerely,
> Melissa Green
> Without Christ I am nothing,  Without me Christ is still God.  It's 
> because of Christ I am able to stand!!!
> Live journal topaz5674
> Blog: http://readergirl5674.blogspot.com
> Facebook: melissa green northern colorado
> twitter: melissa5674
> msn: graduate1531 at msn.com
> Skype: lissa5674
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Antonio M. Guimaraes" <iamantonio at cox.net>
> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 7:00 AM
> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
>
>
>> Hello all,
>>
>> In light of the upcoming call this Sunday on dating and 
>> relationships, I wanted to get some of you thinking about 
the subject.
>>
>> I am one of the guest speakers on the call, and would love to hear 
>> your thoughts and views on relationships.
>>
>> Why do people date? Do you do it so as not to be alone, or to have 
>> company? what's the difference.
>>
>> Who pays? The male or female?
>>
>> What interesting things do you do together as a couple? What about 
>> room for your "other" friends?
>>
>> Shoot your messages this way, and I will try and tell you as much as 
>> I can about me, or as much as my girlfriend will let me, grin.
>>
>> Antonio Guimaraes
>>
>> If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of 
>> pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an 
>> infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all 
>> the world's great literary works in Braille.
>>
>> Shop online and support the NFB of RI at no additional cost to you.
>> http://www.givebackamerica.com/charity.php?b=169
>> Givebackamerica.org, America's Online Charity Shopping Mall 
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>>
>
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