[nabs-l] Dating and relationships

Sun Dec 13 08:30:04 UTC 2009

Hello Joe and others,

I appreciate the message with suggestions about the conference call topic, 
and its relevance to blind students. I am a member of the membership 
committee, and a guest speaker on the call, so you may take my comments 
witha grain of salt.

1. The subject of dating is a universal matter, regardless of whether one is 
blind or sighted. The NFB believes blind people to be not much different 
from the sighted public. While NABS is a blind student organization, and 
should focus on blind student topics, we recognize that students around the 
age of most of our members may face some insecurities around dating, and 
relationships. Some insecurities may have to do with blindness, such as 
table etiquette, as you mentioned. How do you read body language, and figure 
out if a girl is looking at you in a flirtatious way, and what is 
appropriate dating behavior?

If one is not experienced by way of social grace, connection, and previous 
relationships, she or he may be uncomfortable. I certainly was, and 
blindness came into view for me. Do sighted women want to date me, a blind 
guy who can't give her the football boyfriend status, or the my boyfriend 
drives a nice car status. There are things a blind boyfriend can't offer in 
the way of such superficial things.

Besides, I belong to a class of people, blind people, who claim a 70 percent 
unemployment rate. How can I then, afford to be taking the object of my 
attraction on dates, or even take cabs to see her?

Who wants to date a mate who is only 30 percent likely to get a job?

The answers are found deep within why we are part of the NFB, and of NABS. 
We change the realities for us by furthering our education, and pursuing our 
dreams.

2. The membership committee has held conference calls in previous years, and 
one this year, and attendance was slim. Why, I ask? Why does our membership 
not show up to the calls? A few might criticize the way this is done, or how 
that is accomplished, but I thought our previous call was interesting and 
informative, and less people than have taken part in this thread showed up.

I think that rotating from serious topics, to lighted ones will bring is 
some needed variety to what we do. We can't be all work and no play. I hope 
that people show up to this call, and future ones, and give input, and 
constructive criticism. I also hope that the topic interests people, and 
brings more people in to participating in the calls.

3. If a topic is good enough for a NABS, blind student division, seminar, 
why wouldn't it be relevant to other NABS activities, like a conference 
call?

Antonio Guimaraes

If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup 
trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of 
highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary 
works in Braille.

Shop online and support the NFB of RI at no additional cost to you.
http://www.givebackamerica.com/charity.php?b=169
Givebackamerica.org, America's Online Charity Shopping Mall
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joe Orozco" <jsorozco at gmail.com>
To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 12:04 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships

> Hello,
>
> I guess I'm the skunk at the picnic.  Definitions of what constitutes
> healthy relationships is a boundless question and one that has universal
> appeal to both blind and sighted people alike.  Twelve hour's worth of
> discussion would not get a group of people to agree on a good definition,
> because each person's perspectives are so different.
>
> Overall, I'm missing the point of how dating and relationships has a very
> significant influence on the work of a student division.  Is it a good
> social talk?  Most definitely.  Will it get us any closer to making NABS
> compete for influence over students who need to learn about independence? 
> I
> don't think so, but I am not a complete rainmaker.  I think it comes down 
> to
> strategy, and in the hot subject of romance I think the better venue would
> be a breakout session at one of the division's two annual gatherings.
>
> Now, I do not like criticisms without constructive feedback, so here are 
> the
> questions I would use to structure the conversation in a way that may help
> participants come away with more than just ten tips on how to seduce and
> conquer.
>
> 1. What are some good websites that give detailed descriptions of current
> fashions and general clothing lines?
>
> 2. Who should you take to the store to help you select items of clothing,
> and what are some good expectations to set for them so that they do not
> dress you according to their personal views?
>
> 3. How do ladies go about the task of applying makeup?  Are there stores
> that feature representatives who can take the time to do this?
>
> 4. Where can guys learn about professional dress, ironing, facial hair
> maintenance, etc.
>
> 5. Where can both guys and girls learn about table etiquette?
>
> 6. How do you pull off using taxis?  How do you decide on this versus 
> public
> transportation?  If you're walking, how do you survey the terrain?  Do you
> take the guide dog, or do you bust out the cane?
>
> 7. If the other person is sighted, how do you diplomatically set
> expectations of walking hand-in-hand versus overkill on the sighted guide?
>
> 8. How far in advance should you plan your trip so that you are doing as
> much of it independently and minimize the need for questions once you are
> there?
>
> There are dozens of others, but I think you will find these questions will
> generally help you in daily life, not just dates, which I think would be a
> better return on your investment of time.  My senior year in high school I
> actually went to the hotel where our prom would be held two weeks in 
> advance
> so that I could get a sense of the layout, learn bathroom locations, that
> sort of thing.  My friend and I, who would end up double dating with two
> ladies, picked a restaurant, mapped the location of where it was in 
> relation
> to the hotel, identified a few options for ourselves after the dance, and
> while this may all seem like too much strategy, I can assure you that on 
> the
> night of said prom, I was more focused on my date than I was on where the
> heck we might or might not end up.  Some people might find excitement from
> being adventurous.  There is a way to accomplish this, but this has to do
> with your confidence as a traveler.  If you do not feel comfortable
> deviating from your plans to go to Restaurant X instead of Restaurant Y, 
> you
> have bigger issues far removed from deciding whether or not you're going 
> to
> ask the girl out.
>
> At any rate, personal views of strategy notwithstanding, the conversation
> should prove interesting, I am sure, and I commend the Membership guys for
> holding these calls.
>
> Joe Orozco
>
> "A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the
> crowd."--Max Lucado
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org
> [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Darian Smith
> Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 9:13 PM
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
>
> Melissa,   you bring up a good point that I'm not sure you are even
> aware you did.
>  The matter of what is a healthy relationship and what isn't.
> I honestly like the fact this topic was brought up and hope
> that more contributions  are added to this string and that you
> all  are able to attend the call and share your views on this
> stuff! I love it.
> Thanks Antonio!
> Darian
>
> On 12/11/09, Melissa Green <graduate56 at juno.com> wrote:
>> Hey what about this question.
>> what is the definition of dating?, a relationship? and what is the
>> diference?
>> I think that dating and or a relationship get confused.
>> If someone asks you to give up your friends, or your family.
>> That is not a good sign.
>> That is unhealthy.
>>
>> Sincerely,
>> Melissa Green
>> Without Christ I am nothing,  Without me Christ is still God.  It's
>> because of Christ I am able to stand!!!
>> Live journal topaz5674
>> Blog: http://readergirl5674.blogspot.com
>> Facebook: melissa green northern colorado
>> twitter: melissa5674
>> msn: graduate1531 at msn.com
>> Skype: lissa5674
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Antonio M. Guimaraes" <iamantonio at cox.net>
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 7:00 AM
>> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
>>
>>
>>> Hello all,
>>>
>>> In light of the upcoming call this Sunday on dating and
>>> relationships, I wanted to get some of you thinking about
> the subject.
>>>
>>> I am one of the guest speakers on the call, and would love to hear
>>> your thoughts and views on relationships.
>>>
>>> Why do people date? Do you do it so as not to be alone, or to have
>>> company? what's the difference.
>>>
>>> Who pays? The male or female?
>>>
>>> What interesting things do you do together as a couple? What about
>>> room for your "other" friends?
>>>
>>> Shoot your messages this way, and I will try and tell you as much as
>>> I can about me, or as much as my girlfriend will let me, grin.
>>>
>>> Antonio Guimaraes
>>>
>>> If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
>>> pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
>>> infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all
>>> the world's great literary works in Braille.
>>>
>>> Shop online and support the NFB of RI at no additional cost to you.
>>> http://www.givebackamerica.com/charity.php?b=169
>>> Givebackamerica.org, America's Online Charity Shopping Mall
>>> _______________________________________________
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>>> nabs-l:
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>>> juno.com
>>>
>>
>> ____________________________________________________________
>> Hotel
>> Hotel pics, info and virtual tours.  Click here to book a
> hotel online.
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>
>
> --
> The National Federation of the Blind has launched a nationwide
> teacher recruitment campaign to help attract energetic and
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> and we need your
> help!   To Get Involved  go to:
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>
>
> "And if you will join me in this improbable quest, if you feel destiny
> calling, and see as I see, a future of endless possibility stretching
> before us;
> if you sense, as I sense, that the time is now to shake off our
> slumber, and slough off our fear, and make good on the debt we owe
> past and future generations,
> then I'm ready to take up the cause, and march with you, and work with
> you. Together, starting today, let us finish the work that needs to be
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