[nabs-l] questions about cane travel and independent travel

[Kerri Kosten]

Hi All:

First, I wanted to say thanks for all your help/answers to my other
posts. I really appreciate it!

I have another independent travel/cane travel question.

Basically, if you have not had training when is it appropriate to be
guided and when should I be using my cane?

Before I got my nfb cane and really became interested in the NFB, I
was guided everywhere all the time. I had one of those short heavy
folding canes and would bring it along but not use it. I have since
learned that guiding me everywhere (I am totally blind) was definitely
the wrong approach and was much more damaging than helpful.

I ordered and received an NFB cane a few months ago and really like
it. However, it is still hard to not use sighted guide...my mother
wants to guide me all the time, and I feel like I have to fight and
battle to use my cane which isn't right! Though I don't mind being
guided in certain situations or if I am in a hurry, I think it is very
important to use it sparingly. Though guiding is definitely easier, if
I don't begin to use my cane and resist the guiding I'll never learn
and become independent.

In the past I have had a lot of trouble making friends and fitting in
with sighted people. I used to not understand why this is, but now I
really believe it was because of my lack of independence as a blind
person. For example, if a person wanted to do something they would
pick me up and drive me back home no matter how convient or inconvient
it may be for them; I didn't know how to use cabs. They would of
course always guide me everywhere, sometimes I believe I brought the
cane but never used it. If we ate at a restaurant and there was a tray
they would carry it to and from the table when we got the food or I
was finished. I would ocationly carry the drink but that was it. When
I look back at all of it, I think it really took a toll on the person
because it made it so that hanging out with me was more of a
responsibility/chore than just going to get coffee with a friend.

I have a chance to hang out with another sighted person tomorrow. I
have never hung out with this girl before. I don't want to be
rebelliously independent or be a pain/make it an unpleasant experience
with my display of independence but I don't want it to be like it used
to where this girl has to do everything for me, pick me up, take me
home, guide me...everything.

We are planning to go to out to eat and to a movie.

I have already offered to meet her there, but she says she does not
mind picking me up at all so if it's truly no inconvience to her I may
let her.

But, once we get to the restaurant and then later to hte movies do I
follow her and use my cane or let her guide me?

How do I handle this with my mother?

As I sadid before it's certainly easier to take an arm but if I do it
all the time I never learn to use my cane.

I want to do what's age-appropriate. I am 22...so do I think of it as
"Would a sighted 22-year-old follow this person or would they take an
arm?"

I am not one of those people who just does what the NFB says all the
time...but cane travel and independent travel is very important to me
and I want to become as good and efficient with it as possible. While
I believe guiding is good in some situations I want to be careful and
use it sparingly!

Thanks!
Kerri