[nabs-l] questions about cane travel and independent travel

[Jedi]

Kerri,

The answer to your question is that it's a judgment call on your part. 
There are times when walking with someone is appropriate and times when 
it's not. You're also right that going out with your friends is a 
perfect opportunity to practice your independence. One option you have 
is to explicitly state what you're trying to accomplish; your statement 
would actively signal to your friend or family member that you're 
trying something new. If they've understood you correctly, then they 
will support your efforts by not getting in your way and they won't be 
offended by your independence.

A word on rebellious independence. I personally think it's good to be a 
rebel, so knock yourself out. If you need to speak your truth and let 
folks know that you'd rather do something without assistance, then have 
at it. The difficulty in rebellious independence is that some folks 
don't know how to communicate competently and cause needless pain and 
suffering for all concerned. Just use your manners and you'll be fine. 
If your sighted companions are still offended, that's not your 
responsibility. In other words, if someone is offended by your 
independence, that's not on you so long as you haven't gone out of your 
way to be a jerk about it. Does that make sense?

Respectfully,
Jedi


Original message:
> Hi All:

> First, I wanted to say thanks for all your help/answers to my other
> posts. I really appreciate it!

> I have another independent travel/cane travel question.

> Basically, if you have not had training when is it appropriate to be
> guided and when should I be using my cane?

> Before I got my nfb cane and really became interested in the NFB, I
> was guided everywhere all the time. I had one of those short heavy
> folding canes and would bring it along but not use it. I have since
> learned that guiding me everywhere (I am totally blind) was definitely
> the wrong approach and was much more damaging than helpful.

> I ordered and received an NFB cane a few months ago and really like
> it. However, it is still hard to not use sighted guide...my mother
> wants to guide me all the time, and I feel like I have to fight and
> battle to use my cane which isn't right! Though I don't mind being
> guided in certain situations or if I am in a hurry, I think it is very
> important to use it sparingly. Though guiding is definitely easier, if
> I don't begin to use my cane and resist the guiding I'll never learn
> and become independent.

> In the past I have had a lot of trouble making friends and fitting in
> with sighted people. I used to not understand why this is, but now I
> really believe it was because of my lack of independence as a blind
> person. For example, if a person wanted to do something they would
> pick me up and drive me back home no matter how convient or inconvient
> it may be for them; I didn't know how to use cabs. They would of
> course always guide me everywhere, sometimes I believe I brought the
> cane but never used it. If we ate at a restaurant and there was a tray
> they would carry it to and from the table when we got the food or I
> was finished. I would ocationly carry the drink but that was it. When
> I look back at all of it, I think it really took a toll on the person
> because it made it so that hanging out with me was more of a
> responsibility/chore than just going to get coffee with a friend.

> I have a chance to hang out with another sighted person tomorrow. I
> have never hung out with this girl before. I don't want to be
> rebelliously independent or be a pain/make it an unpleasant experience
> with my display of independence but I don't want it to be like it used
> to where this girl has to do everything for me, pick me up, take me
> home, guide me...everything.

> We are planning to go to out to eat and to a movie.

> I have already offered to meet her there, but she says she does not
> mind picking me up at all so if it's truly no inconvience to her I may
> let her.

> But, once we get to the restaurant and then later to hte movies do I
> follow her and use my cane or let her guide me?

> How do I handle this with my mother?

> As I sadid before it's certainly easier to take an arm but if I do it
> all the time I never learn to use my cane.

> I want to do what's age-appropriate. I am 22...so do I think of it as
> "Would a sighted 22-year-old follow this person or would they take an
> arm?"

> I am not one of those people who just does what the NFB says all the
> time...but cane travel and independent travel is very important to me
> and I want to become as good and efficient with it as possible. While
> I believe guiding is good in some situations I want to be careful and
> use it sparingly!

> Thanks!
> Kerri

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