[nabs-l] questions about cane travel and independent travel

[Ashley Bramlett]

Carrie,

I am still in my 20's and struggle with this question.  When I was your age 
I was in the middle of college and just starting to make sighted friends who 
seemed comfortable with me.  I have tunnel vision, so if I'm going anywhere 
alone I need my cane.

I don't think your problems fitting in with sighted people was just due to 
your travel skills.  It was likely other factors such as personality, lack 
of common interests, and perhaps dress.  In public school I found students 
were very kliqely.  If you did not have interests and dress like the klique, 
you were not in this close group, the klique.  Students were often in their 
own world and would not accept someone different.  Did you go to a diverse 
city school?  Well I did, with thousands of students.  I'm sure others 
observed this too.  The Asian students hung together; the Latinos hung 
together; the choir group was together; the football group was together. 
Why is that?  Well because they have something in common such as language, 
culture or interest.  I'm sure everyone has observed this in large 
institutions such as school.
So yes your independence was a factor but don't think it was the only 
factor.  I also was guided by my mother or family the majority of the time, 
but not in school of course.

If you have been completely blind, surely you recieved some O and M service 
through school.  I know I did, but it was not enough.  But it showed me the 
basics to get started.  I only saw the O and M teacher a few times a month, 
so of course we could not cover too much.

Now as to the situation with your friend, do have fun anbe friendly.  Its a 
judgement call on your end.  I think accepting assistance  in some 
situations is totally appropriate.  So if its convenient for your friend to 
pick you up, you can accept it; she would probably do the same for other 
friends without cars.  I agree with Katie that taking a person's arm in 
unfamiliar places makes it
easier to have conversations.
I think sighted guide is fine in restaurants and movie theaters.  This is 
because restaurants can be noisy with narrow spaces between tables.  You 
will make a scene if your friend has to tell you directions and talk to you 
to get to your table.  Next in the movie theater that is a quiet place and 
I'm sure you and your friend wish to sit together.  So just take her arm and 
she can lead you to a seat.

Other open places with friends or family it may be more appropriate to 
follow them and use your cane.  This may be a mall or park or some other 
trip like going to a museum.  But some places either due to noise or the 
quietness it just sounds better to me to go sighted guide so you don't 
disrupt activity.

I assume you live at home still.  If so that's difficult to create 
independent opportunities.  If your mom is like mine she is protective and 
does not have confidence in my abilities.  I know I don't have a good sense 
of direction, but practice will help things.  Maybe plan an outing alone 
such as to the mall.  You said in another post you were going to a mall and 
bar.
That is a good opportunity.  Go to a mall or maybe a strip shopping center. 
Have a goal to find so many stores.
If there is a special occasion in your family such as a birthday or 
anniversary do some research where you can find a particular gift or card. 
You can either do this online or by calling stores to find out what they 
sell.  Then plan an independent trip to those stores and buy a present. 
Your family member will be impressed when you present it to them.

as for your mom, I have the same problem and wish I had a better solution. 
All I can think of is to talk to her.  Be nice but say now that you got a 
new cane and you are getting older you would like to walk independently. 
Tell her you'll get better with practice.

HTH,
Ashley
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Kerri Kosten" <kerrik2006 at gmail.com>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, May 12, 2010 12:56 AM
Subject: [nabs-l] questions about cane travel and independent travel


> Hi All:
>
> First, I wanted to say thanks for all your help/answers to my other
> posts. I really appreciate it!
>
> I have another independent travel/cane travel question.
>
> Basically, if you have not had training when is it appropriate to be
> guided and when should I be using my cane?
>
> Before I got my nfb cane and really became interested in the NFB, I
> was guided everywhere all the time. I had one of those short heavy
> folding canes and would bring it along but not use it. I have since
> learned that guiding me everywhere (I am totally blind) was definitely
> the wrong approach and was much more damaging than helpful.
>
> I ordered and received an NFB cane a few months ago and really like
> it. However, it is still hard to not use sighted guide...my mother
> wants to guide me all the time, and I feel like I have to fight and
> battle to use my cane which isn't right! Though I don't mind being
> guided in certain situations or if I am in a hurry, I think it is very
> important to use it sparingly. Though guiding is definitely easier, if
> I don't begin to use my cane and resist the guiding I'll never learn
> and become independent.
>
> In the past I have had a lot of trouble making friends and fitting in
> with sighted people. I used to not understand why this is, but now I
> really believe it was because of my lack of independence as a blind
> person. For example, if a person wanted to do something they would
> pick me up and drive me back home no matter how convient or inconvient
> it may be for them; I didn't know how to use cabs. They would of
> course always guide me everywhere, sometimes I believe I brought the
> cane but never used it. If we ate at a restaurant and there was a tray
> they would carry it to and from the table when we got the food or I
> was finished. I would ocationly carry the drink but that was it. When
> I look back at all of it, I think it really took a toll on the person
> because it made it so that hanging out with me was more of a
> responsibility/chore than just going to get coffee with a friend.
>
> I have a chance to hang out with another sighted person tomorrow. I
> have never hung out with this girl before. I don't want to be
> rebelliously independent or be a pain/make it an unpleasant experience
> with my display of independence but I don't want it to be like it used
> to where this girl has to do everything for me, pick me up, take me
> home, guide me...everything.
>
> We are planning to go to out to eat and to a movie.
>
> I have already offered to meet her there, but she says she does not
> mind picking me up at all so if it's truly no inconvience to her I may
> let her.
>
> But, once we get to the restaurant and then later to hte movies do I
> follow her and use my cane or let her guide me?
>
> How do I handle this with my mother?
>
> As I sadid before it's certainly easier to take an arm but if I do it
> all the time I never learn to use my cane.
>
> I want to do what's age-appropriate. I am 22...so do I think of it as
> "Would a sighted 22-year-old follow this person or would they take an
> arm?"
>
> I am not one of those people who just does what the NFB says all the
> time...but cane travel and independent travel is very important to me
> and I want to become as good and efficient with it as possible. While
> I believe guiding is good in some situations I want to be careful and
> use it sparingly!
>
> Thanks!
> Kerri
>
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