[nabs-l] Blind people being taught social skills

Sat Dec 3 01:18:02 UTC 2011

Tara and others,

As a former sighted person, trust me, nothing you described is unique to
blind people. The reasoning behind the behavior may be different, but
the behavior itself is not.

Since becoming blind, it has been very interesting to me to learn how
many blind people think many behaviors and mindsets are unique to
blindness. I think so much of what we do is attributed to our blindness
even though sighted people do the exact same things. When I was sighted,
if I smiled because I was daydreaming, people most likely thought I had
just remembered something happy, or was thinking of a moment that made
me smile. Now as a blind person, if I randomly smile, people may think
it's something blind people do- make random facial expressions. For me,
I'm not making random facial expressions, but am simply having a nice
thought, just like I did when sighted.

I think when we, blind people, start to attribute to much to blindness,
we are in danger of fueling misconceptions and stereotypes. There are
behaviors some blind people exhibit that is due to never learning how
others do it, which is how most sighted people pick up behaviors, but we
can't always say it's unique to being blind. Even though the friend
didn't quite understand how the angle of her body still made the soda
can visible, we can't necessarily say that had she been sighted, she
would have hid the can better. I've been with plenty of people, sighted,
who have had similar things happen.

And if a sighted person thinks they don't exhibit similar behavior, they
are an idiot, smile! Nose picking, pulling wedgies out, leaving dog poo
on the ground- no, not everyone is silly enough to do these things in
public, but most of us daydream and will smile or have some "random"
expression; many of us have a different, or goofy, expression for
different things.

I often have a crooked smile, like the actress Katie Holmes, meaning I
literally will smile with only half of my mouth. Not sure how this works
physically, but trust me, it's how I smile, grin. And I've been grinning
like this for years even when I was sighted. My husband, who was once
sighted too, rarely smiles, and usually looks like my big, mook body
guard though he's actually a big teddy bear. He just doesn't express
much when not in conversation. It probably doesn't help that he usually
is crossing his arms and stands a bit like a body guard, giggle. My
sister never had her teeth correctedm, and she's very self-conscious
about it so she never smiles with her mouth open. She has very thin
lips, and her mouth doesn't curve up when smiling, so when she smiles
with her lips closed, it looks like a straight, thin line across her
face. My dad, brother and sister make this really odd expression when
excited or happy where they squint their eyes, scrunch their faces and
hold their hands up close to their face. They literally aren't aware of
what their doing, and all are sighted.

I have numerous sighted friends who never pick up after their dogs,
which is gross. And sadly, I've known plenty of people who pick their
nose when the fancy takes them. And of course little kids do all these
things, smile.

You give me some behavior or expression a blind person does, and I
guarantee I can give you an example of a sighted person who has done, or
does, the same.

Am I the only former sighted person here? LOL

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/

"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 4
Date: Fri, 2 Dec 2011 05:10:45 +0000
From: Tara Annis <tannis at afb.net>
To: "nabs-l at nfbnet.org" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Subject: [nabs-l] blind people being taught  social skills
Message-ID:

<28DEBD505C185140A61A985DCBAB086ACA773B at CH1PRD0402MB102.namprd04.prod.ou
tlook.com>

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Arielle, I do agree with you that  some of the time blind  people do
certain "socially unacceptable" things out of lazieness as opposed to
ignorance.  Yet, I do know for a fact that the situation I mentioned was
out of ignorance; once I give all the details you guys wil understand.
The  picking up after dog situation was where a girl and I were standing
on campus  about 20 feet away from a  group of about 15 sighted students
smoking.  We were in direct line of them, and the girl realizes her dog
has went bathroom, turns to me and says, "hurry up, let's get out of
here before  those people see us."  She didn't realize that they could
see at that distance. I think  the fact they were all  talking to each
other made her feel they were not focusing on her as well.  This girl
has misunderstood about sight other times as well.  She  snuck soda into
the movies, so she would not have to pay for the expensive ones at the
theater.  The usher came down the row, and she tried to hide the can of
soda, but only covered part of it with her hand.  (I can see a little
bit, so saw this for myself.)  The usher came  up to her and told her to
get rid of it; once he left she turned to me and said, "I don't know how
he could tell I had this soda, I had it covered with my hands!"  She
didn't realize that body position and one's angle to objects determines
what can be seen.

I'm not saying I'm better than her, for the fact I've   made social
mistakes.  For example, I did not understand that people were  always
watching my facial expression.  One time in choir my friends told me
they watch me the whole time during this class, instead of what the
teacher was writing on the blackboard, since I made interesting facial
expressions.  They told me that everyone in the class except me had a
bored look on their face, but I would randomly  smile really big for a
few seconds, then go back to normal, then smile again a few minutes
later.  (I found out this  is very common; many blind people   do this
hwen  they are daydreaming.  For example, a blind girl I knew would have
these same expressions when she listened to her CD player with the
headphones, since she was in her own world, enjoying the music, and did
not realize people around her were watching her expressions.)

To let everyone know, though, that sighted people can make these
mistakes as well, probably not as  often, but it still happens.  For
example, a sighted person told me that a lot of   people  wil pick their
noses when they are driving in their cars to work.  They do not realize
that people in other vehicles aroudn them can see through their
windshield.  The nose picker does not realize this because    they
cannot imagine the visual perspective of other drivers; they only know
what they are seeing, not  what others at different positions are
seeing.

I totally understand discussing this issue to  blind people has to be
done correctly, and I think more research will  shed more light on the
proper techniques to use in  an advanced social skills class.  I feel
that keeping this  information could  cause more damage, though,
especially for issues that canbe fixed without much hassle. Also,
research needs to be conducted to determine statistically which
behaviors are considered extremely negative.  Some of them are
universal, as I said in the last message, such as masturbation in
public.  Everyone will agree that this behaviour should not happen, and
the blind person doing it should be alerted, taught how to fix the
issue, since continuing to do  it would keep him from   making friends
or getting a job.  Most would agree tha tnot telling him about would
hurt him more in the long run.  
This research could also benefit sighted, since it would show where the
public is lacking in understanding of disability, and more etiquette
training to address these gaps in understanding could be fixed.  