[nabs-l] nabs-l Digest, Vol 52, Issue 15

Thu Feb 10 20:03:31 UTC 2011

Hello list,
   I find that one thing that  is important to think about, but not
as  easy to practice is  not to  analyze too deeply the connections we
have with   people.
 I can say, that I have   the sighted friends that I do because  I
have a connection  with them.  I can say the same for  my blind
friends too.  But, am I going  to have the same conversations with my
sighted friends as my blind ones?  in some  senses, I absolutely will-
I'll talk about politics, music, fashion, food, and  enjoy those
conversations just the same.  Now, will I talk about Braille, good
training,  blind parenting and the like with my sighted friends? some,
but largely  not  so much.

 I think one of the biggest concerns blind people have in   getting to
know sighted peers is the initial awkward moments; the person  who
grabs you out  of seemingly no where,  the people who ask you about
your note taker during class, when all you want is to  focus on your
work, or just having a normal conversation.  Those are the things you
don't really get trained on, those are  the things that could probably
get  to bevery real, very frustrating and even scary. We maybe as
confident in reading  our braille  or cooking  that amazing
seven-layer cake, but  the interpersonal communication controlsalot of
 our comfort in who we will befriend and marry.
  just some thoughts.
  Darian

On 2/10/11, Kirt Manwaring <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com> wrote:
> Bridget,
>   First off, I'm fairly involved with the NFB, especially on a local
> level.  I went to Washington Seminar, I've been to a few conventions,
> I won a scholarship, I'm vice president of our state student devision.
>  I'm not isolating myself from the blind community at all.  But it's a
> small part of my life.  I respect you for marrying a blind man and
> make no judgements whatsoever.  I've seen blind people marry who
> didn't have the skills they needed to get married, and I've seen
> others who make it work.  The only reason I say I probably won't marry
> a blind person is because most of my friends aren't blind.  And, from
> my experience, my friends have stuck by me and learned to see that
> blindness is just a part of me...a big enough part that I'm going to
> get training so it doesn't hold me back, but a characteristic
> nonetheless.  And, from my experience, most of my sighted friends are
> ok with that.
>   Warmest regards,
> Kirt
>
> On 2/10/11, Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com> wrote:
>> Curt,
>>
>> It is true, especially for those involved in the Federation, we may tend
>> to spend a lot of time with other blind folk, and yes, there may be a
>> line to watch, but we like who we like too.
>>
>> We should not isolate ourselves from the sighted world, but there is
>> nothing wrong either with being friends with other blind people or even
>> marrying them.  As humans, we connect with certain people and we
>> shouldn't base any of our relationships on disability, or any other
>> reason.
>>
>> As blind people, we tend to draw lines at times.  We don't have to count
>> up our relationships and divvy people up.  Oh, too many blind friends, I
>> must cut back so I don't come across as only liking "my kind."  *smile*
>>
>> I am not making judgements either, but I have learned that you have to
>> live your life and do what you want-- don't base it on what others want,
>> or by others standards.
>>
>> I was sighted for 22 years, and before losing my vision, I did not know
>> any blind people.  I still am friends with those people, but I also have
>> met people whose company I enjoy and they happen to be blind.
>>
>> I am one of those who married a blind person, but, like you, I had no
>> intention of doing this.  When I met him, though, sparks flew.  I
>> couldn't deny the connection!  LOL
>>
>> Obviously, at training centers, we are around other blind people because
>> we are all learning skills and what not, but the point of good training
>> is to give you the skills and confidence to go home and go into your
>> community to be an equal, vital member of society.
>>
>> However, I do have this to say.  Many of my sighted friends grew
>> uncomfortable with my blindness.  I did not change, I still enjoyed
>> doing the same things, but some of my friends could not get past the
>> blindness.  We grew apart because they could not "deal" with my
>> blindness even though I did not act differently.  Others have
>> experienced this and we find our blind friends tend to stick closer.
>> Again, people are people, and sighted or blind, true friends care about
>> you and remain a part of your life.
>>
>> The point is that no one-- blind or sighted, should base, or judge,
>> their relationships on a disability.  Saying you have no intention of
>> spending time with other blind people is like, to me, the same as
>> sighted people saying they will not hang out with blind people.
>>
>> I know your concern is that you do not currently have involvement in
>> groups or activities that include other blind people, but be careful
>> that you are not excluding us because you are trying to avoid some
>> stereotype.
>>
>> Point-- live life and say F U to anyone who gives you flack for how you
>> live your life.
>>
>> Bridgit
>>
>> Message: 3
>> Date: Wed, 9 Feb 2011 13:37:37 -0700
>> From: Kirt Manwaring <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com>
>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>> 	<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Training centers
>> Message-ID:
>> 	<AANLkTikQa09O5zW9nyWpSsTiZLjRn4papUvGcVN8inWa at mail.gmail.com>
>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
>>
>> Dear Beth, Tara and all,
>>   Is it hard to get involved with the community outside the center? Let
>> me clarify the question, as it maybe doesn't make sense.
>>   I know a lot of blind people (and please keep in mind I'm not calling
>> anyone out or judging), who graduated from the training centers and now
>> spend their lives mostly with other blind people. There's nothing wrong
>> with that, it's just not for me.  I'm probably not going to marry a
>> blind person or seriously date a blind person...simply because most of
>> my friends aren't blind.  So, with that in mind, I'm going to want to
>> find ways to get involved in the community at large, at whichever center
>> I decide is right for me. So...do you think I'll be discouraged or
>> austricized if I choose to spend lots of my free time with church
>> groups, volunteer programs, other friends I might find outside the
>> center, etc?  Because I think the worst thing that could happen to me is
>> to get caught in a "blind bubble" where I learn all the skills I need,
>> hang out with center people all the time, and miss out on whatever other
>> opportunities I might find living away from home for such a long time.
>> Don't get me wrong, I hope to make friends at the center and have a
>> great time. But I don't want that to be my whole life while I'm out on
>> my own like this.  Thoughts, anyone?
>>   Kirt
>>
>>
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>
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-- 
Darian Smith
Skype: The_Blind_Truth
Windows Live: Lightningrod2010 at live.com
Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/goldengateace

"You could be shown the road, given the vehicle, even handed the key.
But only you can have the drive."