[nabs-l] Philosophy in society

[Brice Smith]

These conversations are always interesting to me, because I don't
usually have the same experiences as Bridgit and others. I sometimes
get comments about my blindness, but they occur only occasionally and
are rarely a big deal. Many people my age seem curious about blindness
only in passing.

Kirt,

Conversation with anyone, blind or sited, best flows naturally.
Sometimes you will talk about blindness. Sometimes you will not.

Obviously, talking only about issues related to blindness does not
make for well-rounded individuals. But when you consciously avoid a
topic just for the sake of avoiding it, you also have a problem.

Brice

On 2/17/11, Kirt Manwaring <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com> wrote:
> Antonio,
>   I feel like a lot of my blind friends, at least when I'm with them,
> talk mostly about blindness-related things.  (and I'm not talking
> about meetings or formal discussions...I'm talking like when we hang
> out casually)  So much of the conversation has to do with such and
> such audio computer game, which notetaker is better, gossip about
> other blind people (even if you hardly know them) that sort of thing.
> And most of these people, it seems like, don't even try to become
> well-rounded in the world outside their blind comfort zones.
>   I know someone here's going to quote me out of context, or
> misunderstand, so let me clarify.  My gripe isn't with blindness.  It
> isn't with blind people supporting each other, hanging out together,
> being friends, marrying each other, working in jobs with other blind
> people, etc.  But when blindness becomes a person's identity, when a
> person's life is his/her few blind friends, and when that person
> doesn't even try to meet people and broaden horizons outside their
> group of blind people, it bothers me.  Blindness doesn't really make
> me that different from everyone else, but so many blind people isolate
> themselves in a blindness-centered life and, yeah, I think that's
> really, really bad for our public image.
>   Best,
> Kirt
>
> On 2/16/11, Antonio M. Guimaraes Jr. <freethaught at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Hmm,
>>
>> I wonder to what extend the blindness focus is curiosity, how much of it
>> is
>> ignorance, or just how much is that the blind person themselves lack wide
>> interests, has little conversation to offer, or has a hard time
>> socializing.
>>
>> I would not think all or most blind people are uninteresting, but there
>> becomes a time when you pass the point of superficial relationships, and
>> present yourself as a friendsly, hopefully smart individual.
>>
>> This coming from an introvert who finds himself at odds with small talk
>> and
>> socializing in large groups.
>>
>> Antonio Guimaraes
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> On Feb 16, 2011, at 7:02 PM, Bridgit Pollpeter wrote:
>>
>>> It is a total drag when people want to only talk about your blindness--
>>> as though you have nothing to offer.  I try to view these moments as
>>> educational opportunities.  I kindly and diplomatically explain, to the
>>> best of my abilities, how blind people "do" things.  I try to answer
>>> questions, but then turn the conversation around to discuss other
>>> matters.  Find opportunities in conversations to change the discussion.
>>>
>>> It is not always easy.  I do think it is perfectly acceptable to, in a
>>> diplomatic fashion, explain that blind people have other interest.  Ask
>>> the person questions so a back-and-forth begins.
>>>
>>> I am posting an essay I wrote that exemplifies this discussion, I think.
>>> There is a section with some strong language so if you do not enjoy
>>> strong language, you may want to skip this.  It is only a small section
>>> that includes the language.  Enjoy.  *smile*
>>>
>>> The Event of the Century
>>>
>>> The chill wind whips my hair as I cane along the Fuddrucker's building
>>> with my long white cane searching for the door.  My friends do the same
>>> with their canes.  The scent of grease filters through the chill air.
>>> It is the unmistakeable odor of a hamburger joint.  We are cold, and we
>>> are hungry.  Finding the door, we all scurry inside.  We are seven
>>> friends out on a Saturday having a good time-we all happen to be blind.
>>>
>>> Piling into the entrance, we tap our white canes investigating the
>>> restaurant.  Ross, my husband, and I find a wall and follow it with our
>>> canes tapping back-and-forth against the wall.  "Hey guys," I call out,
>>> "I believe this is the counter."  The click of cane tips echoes from all
>>> directions as Shane, Amy, Audra, Jamie and Carol find their way to the
>>> counter.  Since the menu is not available in Braille, I ask the cashier
>>> to please read the choices out loud.  Ross and I order as our friends
>>> from Lincoln, who we do not see often, decide what sounds best.
>>>
>>> Grabbing my cup, I listen for the soda fountain.  Ice chinks into a cup
>>> and I follow the sound.  I encounter an island separating the soda
>>> fountain from where I stand.  Pausing for a second, I determine which
>>> direction to walk around the island, but before I can take another step,
>>> a stranger approaches me.
>>>
>>> "Can I help you?" she asks.
>>>
>>> "No thanks.  I'm just going to fill my cup," I say. As I step around the
>>> stranger, arcing my cane, I can tell she is hesitating.  Before I know
>>> what to do, she pinches a fold of my coat and yanks me around the
>>> island.
>>>
>>> "It's this way," she says .
>>>
>>> "Thanks, but that's the direction I was moving in, ma'am."
>>>
>>> The stranger pauses again as my friends move past looking for an open
>>> table. "Where is your companion?" she asks.
>>>
>>> "Well, seeing as we're all adults, we don't have a companion."  I follow
>>> the cane taps leaving the stranger alone to ponder the miracle happening
>>> before her eyes.
>>>
>>> "The freak show's out.  Everyone should grab their camera," Audra says
>>> as I approach the table.
>>>
>>> We all quietly chuckle. We don't mean to be rude, but we are all use to
>>> this reaction when in public.  The amazing blind people who have left
>>> the security of their homes!  Yes, I am cynical, but this has always
>>> been a part of my character.  Encountering ridiculous ideas and outdated
>>> attitudes towards blindness on a daily basis, keeps my cynicism fresh.
>>>
>>> Eight years ago I would never have thought the hardest part of being
>>> blind was dealing with society's perceptions and attitudes.  I very
>>> quickly adjusted to my blindness, and it is a part of who I am.  I
>>> accept it just as I accept the color of my hair or my inability to solve
>>> a math equation quickly.  I am no more amazing than anyone else, but
>>> because I do things without vision, it suddenly makes me exceptional.
>>>
>>> It is difficult to be around people, not because I am blind, but because
>>> others usually have problems accepting me as a person and not as a blind
>>> person.  Sometimes, I would rather spend time with children because they
>>> have an inate ability to trust and not doubt because of a perceived
>>> reality.
>>>
>>> My favorite past time these days is spending time with my nephew and
>>> nieces.  I must have the baby bug or something-- the biological clock
>>> and all.  They bring joy to my life, and yes, I must admit, I talk
>>> endlessly about them.
>>>
>>> Caiden is seven and a bit too smart for his own good.  Chloe is five and
>>> extremely independent, but she loves with her whole heart.  Kensley is
>>> two, and she has the sweetest temperament, but every now and then, she
>>> gets a wild, mischievious glimmer in her eyes.  Penny is one and full of
>>> energy, but I have become a surrogate mother to her. I have watched them
>>> evolve from tiny beings, into real people, and it is through them I see
>>> where the future can lie.
>>>
>>> I am often met with dubious stares and hesitant concerns when people
>>> find out that I frequently watch my nephew and nieces.
>>>
>>> "How could you watch children?"
>>>
>>> "Isn't it difficult?"
>>>
>>> "Can blind people do that?"
>>>
>>> I hear these questions repeatedly, and depending on my mood, I respond
>>> accordingly.  I do not believe how insulting people can be.
>>>
>>> When I take the kids to the park or the mall or on a walk, people
>>> usually think the kids are guiding me around.  Yes, a seven-year-old,
>>> five-year-old, two-year-old and a baby guide me.  We would all be dead.
>>>
>>>
>>> I wonder if people think about what they say.
>>>
>>> The kids never question my abilities.  Blindness is normal to them.  My
>>> actions speak volumes to Caiden, Chloe, Kensley and Penny.  We think
>>> children have mental limitations, but they understand what adults can
>>> not.  My babies accept me and do not doubt their safety with me.
>>>
>>> Caiden loves to play video games.  I think he is a bit young for this,
>>> but what do adults know, right?  If allowed, he would play all day long.
>>>
>>>
>>> Once, my mom was watching the kids, and in an attempt to get Caiden to
>>> stop the game and play outside, she told him, "If you play too many
>>> video games you will go blind."
>>>
>>> Caiden's response was, "Grandma, it's not a big deal to be blind.  Look
>>> at Aunt Bridgy."
>>>
>>> With these words, I realize the impact I have on my nephew and nieces.
>>> They are the beginning of a generation that can break the stereotypes
>>> about blindness.  The efforts I make seem so small, but through these
>>> children, I know the effect is lasting.
>>>
>>> Recently Chloe has taken to walking around with her eyes closed because
>>> she, "Wants to be like Aunt Bridgy." Every time she is at my house, she
>>> insists on using a white cane to walk around with.  She is also
>>> fascinated with Braille and wants to learn this tactile form of print.
>>> Every where she goes, she points out signs that have Braille on them.
>>> She has no fear.  To Chloe, blindness is just another way to "be."
>>>
>>> Children are not caught up in their perceptions, but will believe what
>>> you tell them at face value.  Exposure to me has allowed my nephew and
>>> nieces to learn and understand that life does not stop after blindness.
>>> Diversity is wide, and children accept people for who they are.  My
>>> children accept me as capable and confident-the way they view other
>>> adults in their lives.  In their eyes, I am no different, and there is
>>> no thought of limitations.
>>>
>>> Kensley and Penny are still grasping the fact that I do not respond to
>>> visual cues, like nodding their heads.  Both have quickly adjusted to
>>> finding other means in which to express their wants. When wanting to be
>>> held, they come to me and place their arms around my legs.  When they
>>> want to show me something like a toy, they place it in my hands. Kensley
>>> and Penny do not question my ability to care for them.  To them, I am
>>> comfort, I am love, I am security, and of course I am food!
>>>
>>> Sometimes, I pin a small bell to the back of their clothing so I know
>>> where they are, but usually their gibber-gabber gives their location
>>> away.  As Penny and Kensley learn to speak, they will understand that
>>> they must use their words, and not gestures, to communicate with me.
>>> These two will grow up never thinking I am odd, or doubt that I can care
>>> for them.
>>>
>>> Adults, on the other hand, do not see beyond my blindness.  The world
>>> created a reality in which blindness is a debilitating disability
>>> leaving one limited and to be pitied.  True, not everyone buys into the
>>> antiquated stereotypes, and not everyone believes me inferior, but, in
>>> my experience, most people still cling to old notions.
>>>
>>> I was leaving campus one day, and a man approached me from behind and
>>> declared, "You are amazing!"  I knew what he meant, but I acted as
>>> though I had no clue.
>>>
>>> "What do you mean?" I asked.
>>>
>>> "You get around so well.  It is truly amazing you can walk."
>>>
>>> "Thanks, but I am blind, not paralyzed."
>>>
>>> "I just mean it is amazing you don't run into stuff."
>>>
>>> "If I didn't use this cane I would."  I proceeded down the steps of the
>>> fine arts building. Following behind me, he seemed poised to capture a
>>> blind person out of their natural environment.
>>>
>>> I looked up as I felt snow fall lightly on my head and face.  "Wow, it's
>>> snowing again?"
>>>
>>> "See, you're amazing!  How do you know it's snowing?  It must be your
>>> sixth sense."
>>>
>>> "No, I feel it.  Can't you?"
>>>
>>> Diplomacy is the usual route I take, but there are times when I can no
>>> longer deal with the attitudes forced on me.  I try to educate-I try to
>>> be positive, but watch out if you catch me on a bad day.
>>>
>>> I stood, a few months ago,  waiting at the curb to cross the street.
>>> Listening to the traffic on Center street in front of me, and the
>>> traffic on Paddock road to my right, I prepare to cross.  As a person
>>> who is blind, I listen to the sound of traffic to help me cross a
>>> street, and yes, it is safe to do this.  Still not sure?  How many
>>> sighted people get into accidents?  I rest my case.
>>>
>>> Once the light changes, it won't stay green long, and I must zip across.
>>> I wait and wait and wait-the red light (red as in I have the right-away)
>>> is a freakin' fifteen-seconds long, but when traffic has the green, I
>>> stand here forever.  I checked the time, three o' clock on the dot.
>>> Come on.  I tapped my long white cane on the pavement out of boredom.
>>>
>>> Suddenly, I'm grabbed by the elbow from behind.  With cars on Center
>>> Street still zooming by, a crazed pedestrian forces me into oncoming
>>> traffic.  I could not stop, so I continue this farce as this Crazy Carla
>>> dragged me across the street.  Cars whizzed and rumbled by, and I had no
>>> choice but to keep truckin'.
>>>
>>> Reaching the other side, I slapped the strangers hand away and shouted,
>>> "What the hell are you doing?"
>>>
>>> "Are you good?" Crazy Carla asked, ignoring my question.
>>>
>>> "Are you insane?  You can see, right?  Clearly we did not have the
>>> right-away.  Shit!"
>>>
>>> Crazy Carla, who, I swore,  was about to meet her fate back out on
>>> Center street , tried grabbing my arm again.
>>>
>>> Grabbing her wrist, I asked, "Do I know you?  No, so what gives you the
>>> idea I want a complete stranger touching me?"
>>>
>>> "Can you make it home from here?"
>>>
>>> I stared in her direction.  Is she deaf?
>>>
>>> "Uh, I think I'm good.  How the hell do you think I was getting around
>>> before you, like a maniac, drove me across the street?"
>>>
>>> "Have a good day.  Ya' sure you can get home okay?"
>>>
>>> Throwing my backpack down, I shouted, "O-H MY GOD!  Fuck you!"  Grabbing
>>> my bag, I turned and stomped towards my apartment complex.
>>>
>>> No, I am not proud of such outburst, but I don't accept the perceptions
>>> society has constructed about blindness either.  I, who was safely and
>>> cautiously waiting to cross a busy city street, was assumed incapable by
>>> a sighted person who threw caution to the wind and placed me, and
>>> themselves, into a dangerous situation.  Instead of thinking, "Hmm, this
>>> person is blind, but they are out and about on their own, they must be
>>> okay-they must know what they are doing," they only "see" the blind girl
>>> standing alone and do not get past that thought.
>>>
>>> My friends all have similar stories.  We are seven people enjoying each
>>> other's company, but because we are all blind, it is considered the
>>> event of the century. We range in age from twenty-five to thirty-five,
>>> some of us have children, all of us work, but it is an awesome
>>> accomplishment that we are socializing without a sighted companion.
>>>
>>> It is even more incredible that our conversation sounds like any other
>>> conversation.  This confuses our server as the girls talk about what to
>>> do at the mall, and the guys talk about the football game playing on the
>>> television.
>>>
>>> "You're all blind, right?" he asks.
>>>
>>> Seven voices chorus, "Yes."
>>>
>>> Message: 4
>>> Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2011 09:05:46 -0800
>>> From: Darian Smith <dsmithnfb at gmail.com>
>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Philosiphy in society
>>> Message-ID:
>>> 	<AANLkTikL2J4zOC0PFjwZqC2v+UyOnOPxaKM791A3+vdZ at mail.gmail.com>
>>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
>>>
>>> Hi all,
>>>  So, I was thinking about how  what we learn in the NFb can translate
>>> into society.  For example,  socializing, we want to be considered as
>>> "normal" as the next person, but often we are asked the  general
>>> blindness related questions, not  ina bad way, but because people don't
>>> understand something and want to know  what we do.  How do people deal
>>> with this?  Say, you really had a long day, and the last thing  you want
>>> to hear is something related to blindness, but the grammys were on, and
>>> you wouldn't mind talking about  how a certain pop star finally didn't
>>> win something *smile*.  Or,  you have the weel-meaning person trying to
>>> direct you somewhere, when you've made it clear  that you do not require
>>> said assistance? How do you  handle this without getting  fairly annoyed
>>> and/or taking
>>> it to be more serious than it's  simply ment.   I know we talk about
>>> the  importance of educating the public, yet   the equil importance of
>>> stressing normality.   How have people handled  these ideas?  How does
>>> one  operate keeping in mind the ideas of both living one's life and
>>> keep in mind the next blind person that comes along?
>>>
>>>    Darian
>>>
>>>
>>> _______________________________________________
>>> nabs-l mailing list
>>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>>> nabs-l:
>>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/freethaught%40gmail.com
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> nabs-l mailing list
>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> nabs-l:
>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/kirt.crazydude%40gmail.com
>>
>
> _______________________________________________
> nabs-l mailing list
> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> nabs-l:
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/brice.smith319%40gmail.com
>


-- 
Brice Smith
North Carolina State University, Communication - Public Relations
Brice.Smith319 at gmail.com