[nabs-l] Philosophy in society

[Arielle Silverman]

Hi Kurt and all,

I agree with Darian. Just because someone talks about blindness stuff
a lot with their blind friends doesn't necessarily mean they will have
similarly narrow conversation when with sighted people. Being a part
of two minority groups (blind people and Jews) I can attest that my
blind friends and I talk a lot about blindness and my Jewish friends
and I talk a lot about Jewish things. I don't talk about the blindness
stuff with my Jewish friends, and vice versa. I also tend to talk
about psychology a lot with my grad student and faculty colleagues. I
don't even think it's a problem if someone's primary identity is
blindness, they work in the blindness field and they marry a blind
person, as long as they're able to get along OK with sighted
coworkers, friends or acquaintances when they need to. Some of us
prefer to have a wide circle of friends or multiple social communities
but others are perfectly content with a few friends or one main
community and I don't think it's our place to pass judgment on these
people. I can understand the concerns about our public image, but
again I think that boils down to how well the blind person is able to
interact with sighted people when they need to. I think we should make
an effort to be kind and inclusive to sighted people around us, but we
don't necessarily need to reach out to them as our friends.

Arielle

On 2/17/11, Jorge Paez <jorgeapaez at mac.com> wrote:
> So very true.
>
> I remember being in the Mall Of America,
> the 4 of us kids were going with one of the councelers on a rolercoaster,
> and they tried to force an adult administrator to go with us.
>
> Councelors fought it out and won that one though,
> but yes, I've seen some quite bad ones.
>
> Actually, I remember a guy once on a plane--the flight attendance that is,
> said my cane had to be stored in the overhead because it could "be used as a
> weapon."
>
> Jorge
>
>
>
> On Feb 16, 2011, at 11:19 PM, humberto wrote:
>
>> Interesting essay: We all run into stories like that. I know, people just
>> don't understand about blindness.
>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com
>>> To: <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> Date sent: Wed, 16 Feb 2011 18:02:23 -0600
>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Philosophy in society
>>
>>> It is a total drag when people want to only talk about your
>> blindness--
>>> as though you have nothing to offer.  I try to view these moments
>> as
>>> educational opportunities.  I kindly and diplomatically explain,
>> to the
>>> best of my abilities, how blind people "do" things.  I try to
>> answer
>>> questions, but then turn the conversation around to discuss other
>>> matters.  Find opportunities in conversations to change the
>> discussion.
>>
>>> It is not always easy.  I do think it is perfectly acceptable to,
>> in a
>>> diplomatic fashion, explain that blind people have other
>> interest.  Ask
>>> the person questions so a back-and-forth begins.
>>
>>> I am posting an essay I wrote that exemplifies this discussion, I
>> think.
>>> There is a section with some strong language so if you do not
>> enjoy
>>> strong language, you may want to skip this.  It is only a small
>> section
>>> that includes the language.  Enjoy.  *smile*
>>
>>> The Event of the Century
>>
>>> The chill wind whips my hair as I cane along the Fuddrucker's
>> building
>>> with my long white cane searching for the door.  My friends do
>> the same
>>> with their canes.  The scent of grease filters through the chill
>> air.
>>> It is the unmistakeable odor of a hamburger joint.  We are cold,
>> and we
>>> are hungry.  Finding the door, we all scurry inside.  We are
>> seven
>>> friends out on a Saturday having a good time-we all happen to be
>> blind.
>>
>>> Piling into the entrance, we tap our white canes investigating
>> the
>>> restaurant.  Ross, my husband, and I find a wall and follow it
>> with our
>>> canes tapping back-and-forth against the wall.  "Hey guys," I
>> call out,
>>> "I believe this is the counter."  The click of cane tips echoes
>> from all
>>> directions as Shane, Amy, Audra, Jamie and Carol find their way
>> to the
>>> counter.  Since the menu is not available in Braille, I ask the
>> cashier
>>> to please read the choices out loud.  Ross and I order as our
>> friends
>>> from Lincoln, who we do not see often, decide what sounds best.
>>
>>> Grabbing my cup, I listen for the soda fountain.  Ice chinks into
>> a cup
>>> and I follow the sound.  I encounter an island separating the
>> soda
>>> fountain from where I stand.  Pausing for a second, I determine
>> which
>>> direction to walk around the island, but before I can take
>> another step,
>>> a stranger approaches me.
>>
>>> "Can I help you?" she asks.
>>
>>> "No thanks.  I'm just going to fill my cup," I say. As I step
>> around the
>>> stranger, arcing my cane, I can tell she is hesitating.  Before I
>> know
>>> what to do, she pinches a fold of my coat and yanks me around the
>>> island.
>>
>>> "It's this way," she says .
>>
>>> "Thanks, but that's the direction I was moving in, ma'am."
>>
>>> The stranger pauses again as my friends move past looking for an
>> open
>>> table. "Where is your companion?" she asks.
>>
>>> "Well, seeing as we're all adults, we don't have a companion."  I
>> follow
>>> the cane taps leaving the stranger alone to ponder the miracle
>> happening
>>> before her eyes.
>>
>>> "The freak show's out.  Everyone should grab their camera," Audra
>> says
>>> as I approach the table.
>>
>>> We all quietly chuckle. We don't mean to be rude, but we are all
>> use to
>>> this reaction when in public.  The amazing blind people who have
>> left
>>> the security of their homes!  Yes, I am cynical, but this has
>> always
>>> been a part of my character.  Encountering ridiculous ideas and
>> outdated
>>> attitudes towards blindness on a daily basis, keeps my cynicism
>> fresh.
>>
>>> Eight years ago I would never have thought the hardest part of
>> being
>>> blind was dealing with society's perceptions and attitudes.  I
>> very
>>> quickly adjusted to my blindness, and it is a part of who I am.
>> I
>>> accept it just as I accept the color of my hair or my inability
>> to solve
>>> a math equation quickly.  I am no more amazing than anyone else,
>> but
>>> because I do things without vision, it suddenly makes me
>> exceptional.
>>
>>> It is difficult to be around people, not because I am blind, but
>> because
>>> others usually have problems accepting me as a person and not as
>> a blind
>>> person.  Sometimes, I would rather spend time with children
>> because they
>>> have an inate ability to trust and not doubt because of a
>> perceived
>>> reality.
>>
>>> My favorite past time these days is spending time with my nephew
>> and
>>> nieces.  I must have the baby bug or something-- the biological
>> clock
>>> and all.  They bring joy to my life, and yes, I must admit, I
>> talk
>>> endlessly about them.
>>
>>> Caiden is seven and a bit too smart for his own good.  Chloe is
>> five and
>>> extremely independent, but she loves with her whole heart.
>> Kensley is
>>> two, and she has the sweetest temperament, but every now and
>> then, she
>>> gets a wild, mischievious glimmer in her eyes.  Penny is one and
>> full of
>>> energy, but I have become a surrogate mother to her. I have
>> watched them
>>> evolve from tiny beings, into real people, and it is through them
>> I see
>>> where the future can lie.
>>
>>> I am often met with dubious stares and hesitant concerns when
>> people
>>> find out that I frequently watch my nephew and nieces.
>>
>>> "How could you watch children?"
>>
>>> "Isn't it difficult?"
>>
>>> "Can blind people do that?"
>>
>>> I hear these questions repeatedly, and depending on my mood, I
>> respond
>>> accordingly.  I do not believe how insulting people can be.
>>
>>> When I take the kids to the park or the mall or on a walk, people
>>> usually think the kids are guiding me around.  Yes, a
>> seven-year-old,
>>> five-year-old, two-year-old and a baby guide me.  We would all be
>> dead.
>>
>>
>>> I wonder if people think about what they say.
>>
>>> The kids never question my abilities.  Blindness is normal to
>> them.  My
>>> actions speak volumes to Caiden, Chloe, Kensley and Penny.  We
>> think
>>> children have mental limitations, but they understand what adults
>> can
>>> not.  My babies accept me and do not doubt their safety with me.
>>
>>> Caiden loves to play video games.  I think he is a bit young for
>> this,
>>> but what do adults know, right?  If allowed, he would play all
>> day long.
>>
>>
>>> Once, my mom was watching the kids, and in an attempt to get
>> Caiden to
>>> stop the game and play outside, she told him, "If you play too
>> many
>>> video games you will go blind."
>>
>>> Caiden's response was, "Grandma, it's not a big deal to be blind.
>> Look
>>> at Aunt Bridgy."
>>
>>> With these words, I realize the impact I have on my nephew and
>> nieces.
>>> They are the beginning of a generation that can break the
>> stereotypes
>>> about blindness.  The efforts I make seem so small, but through
>> these
>>> children, I know the effect is lasting.
>>
>>> Recently Chloe has taken to walking around with her eyes closed
>> because
>>> she, "Wants to be like Aunt Bridgy." Every time she is at my
>> house, she
>>> insists on using a white cane to walk around with.  She is also
>>> fascinated with Braille and wants to learn this tactile form of
>> print.
>>> Every where she goes, she points out signs that have Braille on
>> them.
>>> She has no fear.  To Chloe, blindness is just another way to
>> "be."
>>
>>> Children are not caught up in their perceptions, but will believe
>> what
>>> you tell them at face value.  Exposure to me has allowed my
>> nephew and
>>> nieces to learn and understand that life does not stop after
>> blindness.
>>> Diversity is wide, and children accept people for who they are.
>> My
>>> children accept me as capable and confident-the way they view
>> other
>>> adults in their lives.  In their eyes, I am no different, and
>> there is
>>> no thought of limitations.
>>
>>> Kensley and Penny are still grasping the fact that I do not
>> respond to
>>> visual cues, like nodding their heads.  Both have quickly
>> adjusted to
>>> finding other means in which to express their wants. When wanting
>> to be
>>> held, they come to me and place their arms around my legs.  When
>> they
>>> want to show me something like a toy, they place it in my hands.
>> Kensley
>>> and Penny do not question my ability to care for them.  To them,
>> I am
>>> comfort, I am love, I am security, and of course I am food!
>>
>>> Sometimes, I pin a small bell to the back of their clothing so I
>> know
>>> where they are, but usually their gibber-gabber gives their
>> location
>>> away.  As Penny and Kensley learn to speak, they will understand
>> that
>>> they must use their words, and not gestures, to communicate with
>> me.
>>> These two will grow up never thinking I am odd, or doubt that I
>> can care
>>> for them.
>>
>>> Adults, on the other hand, do not see beyond my blindness.  The
>> world
>>> created a reality in which blindness is a debilitating disability
>>> leaving one limited and to be pitied.  True, not everyone buys
>> into the
>>> antiquated stereotypes, and not everyone believes me inferior,
>> but, in
>>> my experience, most people still cling to old notions.
>>
>>> I was leaving campus one day, and a man approached me from behind
>> and
>>> declared, "You are amazing!"  I knew what he meant, but I acted
>> as
>>> though I had no clue.
>>
>>> "What do you mean?" I asked.
>>
>>> "You get around so well.  It is truly amazing you can walk."
>>
>>> "Thanks, but I am blind, not paralyzed."
>>
>>> "I just mean it is amazing you don't run into stuff."
>>
>>> "If I didn't use this cane I would."  I proceeded down the steps
>> of the
>>> fine arts building. Following behind me, he seemed poised to
>> capture a
>>> blind person out of their natural environment.
>>
>>> I looked up as I felt snow fall lightly on my head and face.
>> "Wow, it's
>>> snowing again?"
>>
>>> "See, you're amazing!  How do you know it's snowing?  It must be
>> your
>>> sixth sense."
>>
>>> "No, I feel it.  Can't you?"
>>
>>> Diplomacy is the usual route I take, but there are times when I
>> can no
>>> longer deal with the attitudes forced on me.  I try to educate-I
>> try to
>>> be positive, but watch out if you catch me on a bad day.
>>
>>> I stood, a few months ago,  waiting at the curb to cross the
>> street.
>>> Listening to the traffic on Center street in front of me, and the
>>> traffic on Paddock road to my right, I prepare to cross.  As a
>> person
>>> who is blind, I listen to the sound of traffic to help me cross a
>>> street, and yes, it is safe to do this.  Still not sure?  How
>> many
>>> sighted people get into accidents?  I rest my case.
>>
>>> Once the light changes, it won't stay green long, and I must zip
>> across.
>>> I wait and wait and wait-the red light (red as in I have the
>> right-away)
>>> is a freakin' fifteen-seconds long, but when traffic has the
>> green, I
>>> stand here forever.  I checked the time, three o' clock on the
>> dot.
>>> Come on.  I tapped my long white cane on the pavement out of
>> boredom.
>>
>>> Suddenly, I'm grabbed by the elbow from behind.  With cars on
>> Center
>>> Street still zooming by, a crazed pedestrian forces me into
>> oncoming
>>> traffic.  I could not stop, so I continue this farce as this
>> Crazy Carla
>>> dragged me across the street.  Cars whizzed and rumbled by, and I
>> had no
>>> choice but to keep truckin'.
>>
>>> Reaching the other side, I slapped the strangers hand away and
>> shouted,
>>> "What the hell are you doing?"
>>
>>> "Are you good?" Crazy Carla asked, ignoring my question.
>>
>>> "Are you insane?  You can see, right?  Clearly we did not have
>> the
>>> right-away.  Shit!"
>>
>>> Crazy Carla, who, I swore,  was about to meet her fate back out
>> on
>>> Center street , tried grabbing my arm again.
>>
>>> Grabbing her wrist, I asked, "Do I know you?  No, so what gives
>> you the
>>> idea I want a complete stranger touching me?"
>>
>>> "Can you make it home from here?"
>>
>>> I stared in her direction.  Is she deaf?
>>
>>> "Uh, I think I'm good.  How the hell do you think I was getting
>> around
>>> before you, like a maniac, drove me across the street?"
>>
>>> "Have a good day.  Ya' sure you can get home okay?"
>>
>>> Throwing my backpack down, I shouted, "O-H MY GOD!  Fuck you!"
>> Grabbing
>>> my bag, I turned and stomped towards my apartment complex.
>>
>>> No, I am not proud of such outburst, but I don't accept the
>> perceptions
>>> society has constructed about blindness either.  I, who was
>> safely and
>>> cautiously waiting to cross a busy city street, was assumed
>> incapable by
>>> a sighted person who threw caution to the wind and placed me, and
>>> themselves, into a dangerous situation.  Instead of thinking,
>> "Hmm, this
>>> person is blind, but they are out and about on their own, they
>> must be
>>> okay-they must know what they are doing," they only "see" the
>> blind girl
>>> standing alone and do not get past that thought.
>>
>>> My friends all have similar stories.  We are seven people
>> enjoying each
>>> other's company, but because we are all blind, it is considered
>> the
>>> event of the century. We range in age from twenty-five to
>> thirty-five,
>>> some of us have children, all of us work, but it is an awesome
>>> accomplishment that we are socializing without a sighted
>> companion.
>>
>>> It is even more incredible that our conversation sounds like any
>> other
>>> conversation.  This confuses our server as the girls talk about
>> what to
>>> do at the mall, and the guys talk about the football game playing
>> on the
>>> television.
>>
>>> "You're all blind, right?" he asks.
>>
>>> Seven voices chorus, "Yes."
>>
>>> Message: 4
>>> Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2011 09:05:46 -0800
>>> From: Darian Smith <dsmithnfb at gmail.com
>>> Subject: [nabs-l] Philosiphy in society
>>> Message-ID:
>>> 	
>> <AANLkTikL2J4zOC0PFjwZqC2v+UyOnOPxaKM791A3+vdZ at mail.gmail.co
>> m
>>> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
>>
>>> Hi all,
>>> So, I was thinking about how  what we learn in the NFb can
>> translate
>>> into society.  For example,  socializing, we want to be
>> considered as
>>> "normal" as the next person, but often we are asked the  general
>>> blindness related questions, not  ina bad way, but because people
>> don't
>>> understand something and want to know  what we do.  How do people
>> deal
>>> with this?  Say, you really had a long day, and the last thing
>> you want
>>> to hear is something related to blindness, but the grammys were
>> on, and
>>> you wouldn't mind talking about  how a certain pop star finally
>> didn't
>>> win something *smile*.  Or,  you have the weel-meaning person
>> trying to
>>> direct you somewhere, when you've made it clear  that you do not
>> require
>>> said assistance? How do you  handle this without getting  fairly
>> annoyed
>>> and/or taking
>>> it to be more serious than it's  simply ment.   I know we talk
>> about
>>> the  importance of educating the public, yet   the equil
>> importance of
>>> stressing normality.   How have people handled  these ideas?  How
>> does
>>> one  operate keeping in mind the ideas of both living one's life
>> and
>>> keep in mind the next blind person that comes along?
>>
>>>   Darian
>>
>>
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-- 
Arielle Silverman
President, National Association of Blind Students
Phone:  602-502-2255
Email:
nabs.president at gmail.com
Website:
www.nabslink.org