[nabs-l] Making Friends/Socializing With Sighted People

Sat Mar 26 23:23:37 UTC 2011

Kirt, good post!
Blessings, Joshua

On 3/26/11, Kirt Manwaring <kirt.crazydude at gmail.com> wrote:
> Kerry,
>   It's happened to me before, I think that's something a lot of blind
> people can relate to.  For me especially in High School it was the
> hardest cause I had friends but my "group" from Junior High and the
> first part of high school kinda fell apart so my friends were kinda
> all over the place and it was hard.
>   That doesn't happen as much to me anymore, but that's probably me
> more than anything.  I'm fine taking someone's arm, especially in a
> restaurant or crowded kind of place.  And...the way I see it, it's
> better to get rides with people and only pay for cabs when you have to
> or when you're looking to get away and not be with friends.  I bum
> rides off of people all the time, especially if the person's going the
> same place I am.
>   But that's just me.  Honestly, the more I've just been proactive and
> asked if I could sit with friends when I find them in my college food
> court, or invite people to go to games with me, or whatever, the more
> success I've had.  I honestly think a lot of the confusion comes from
> sighted people not knowing how to handle a blind person who likes
> going out and doing stuff on his/her own...people take for granted how
> nice independence is.  It's like...I don't think most sighted people
> would feel liberated going to a college basketball game by themselves,
> going to a bar/restaurant alone, independently going to a movie
> theater and buying a drink, that sort of thing.  But for us blind
> people, if we're still learning those skills and gaining confidence
> with independent travel, we like going places by ourselves to show
> ourselves we can.  At least I do.  And I think lots of times, sighted
> people don't really get that.
>   That being said, I think it's also important to remember we're not
> that different from our sighted friends.  And just because they may
> not understand why we feel the need to sometimes go places totally by
> ourselves, that doesn't mean they can't be our friends.  But I do
> think it's ok to go places with sighted friends.  Honestly, I wouldn't
> be surprised if those people who came and talked to you thought you
> wanted to be alone because you weren't with a group of people.
> Independence is great...but I think real independence is the freedom
> to go where you want to go, hang out with who you want to hang out
> with, even when that means you take someone's arm or find a ride
> somewhere.  Heck...some of my good friends now were people who came up
> to me, thought I was lost, and walked with me for a while, or helped
> me find the line I wanted in the food court, or find a room in a
> building, or whatever.  Even when sometimes I could've done it on my
> own.
>   So in conclusion, don't be afraid to ask people if you can join
> them.  Don't be afraid to go places with sighted people, who you
> trust, even if that means taking an arm or letting them drive.  And
> most of all, don't give up.  Most sighted people are kind, friendly
> and courteous.  I think you'll find that, once they know you for a
> while and accept you, blindness will become less and less of an issue.
>  It won't go away completely, but it doesn't have to be a social
> barrier.  So...I'd just say trust in yourself and don't be afraid to
> take help sometimes.  Because, a lot of the time, a sighted person
> trying to help you is wanting a friend as much as you are...I've met
> some of my best friends that way.
>   Good luck,
> Kirt
>
> On 3/26/11, Joshua Lester <jlester8462 at students.pccua.edu> wrote:
>> Kerri, I don't know what to do in your situation. I have some of the
>> same problems at my community college. I'll say hi to somebody, but
>> they won't respond. I do have a question, though. I know it's off
>> topic, but how do you access Facebook? Every time I try to create a
>> page, the computer shuts down. Please help me offline.
>> Thanks, Joshua
>>
>> On 3/26/11, Kerri Kosten <kerrik2006 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Hi All!
>>>
>>> I thought I'd bring this topic up because I'm interested in hearing
>>> opinions and a lot of people have commented when I mentioned this on
>>> Facebook.
>>>
>>> As I've posted here before, my father owned a popular bar/restaurant
>>> that I like to go to on the weekends.
>>>
>>> I am noticing that quite often people will come up to where I am
>>> sitting, say hi, have a quick conversation with me, and than say
>>> "Well, I'm going to go join my other friends. Nice seeing you," or
>>> something like that.
>>>
>>> I have tried to not let it bother me, just ignore it, cheerfully say
>>> goodbye and go on but it's starting to really bother me. Last night I
>>> saw two girls that live in the same apartment complex as I do, and one
>>> of them works at the radio station with me.
>>>
>>> I use my cane all the time when I'm in Crockett's, to get everywhere.
>>> I never ask to take someone's arm, and even when I go outside to catch
>>> my cab to get home I go out by myself. I never ask people for rides,
>>> always paying for cabs to and from to independently get there and
>>> back. I always wear glasses to make my eyes look less funky (one is a
>>> lot tinier than the other), I always make sure my hair is brushed
>>> back, and it is always clean. I usually wear jeans but last night I
>>> was wearing a pair of corduroy pants and a nice shirt with a sweater
>>> vest over it that I know looks nice because it was the outfit I wore
>>> for Christmas. I usually do not wear makeup but put lipstick on last
>>> night.
>>>
>>>
>>> I discussed this situation earlier with a good friend who is also
>>> totally blind and she said people do the same sort of thing to her in
>>> the dining hall at the college she attends.
>>>
>>> Do many of you get similar treatment by sighted people?
>>>
>>> In your opinion, what is the best way to react/handle it? Is it rude
>>> to ask the person if you can join their group or should you always
>>> wait until you are invited?
>>>
>>> How do you deal with this and not let it affect/bother you or put you
>>> in a negative mood/frame of mind?
>>>
>>> The hardest thing for me is when people come up and talk to me and
>>> then they don't invite me to join in and I am left sitting alone it
>>> really upsets me and makes me think negatively. I was told that at
>>> least people do come up and talk to me;they could just walk past and
>>> not say a word. Sometimes though, in a way I think that would make
>>> things easier because then I would have never known they were there in
>>> the first place. I was also told to just cheerfully go on as if
>>> nothing happened and try to not let it bother me, and to think of
>>> myself as number one.
>>>
>>> Just something I thought I'd bring up for discussion. I understand all
>>> anyone can give is their opinion.
>>>
>>> Kerri
>>>
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>>
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